DEFENCE // LARRY STYLINSON // LOUIS TOMLINSON

22.

Graduation Day.

A day that I prayed for almost everyday since I first started my schooling at 6 years old. But now that the day was finally here, and I am wishing for just a little more time.

I'm not really sure how I feel about graduating, it's almost feeling like a breakup. I don't know how to say goodbye to this routine, a routine I've been in for the large majority of my life. After today, I'm an adult, I'm going to have like proper responsibilities. I guess I already have a few, more so than the other kids my age, but after today, the excuses of 'I'm just a kid' will no longer apply.

I'm stood in front of the free-standing mirror in the twins room, analysing my red robes that hand loosely from my petite frame. Something I've always been quite self-conscious of, for a man, I feel like I'm quite a tiny build. It's never been completely noticeable, I like to wear baggy hoodies and sweatpants, seems to hide the fact, but standing here in these robes, seems to highlight my small frame.

I can't help but take my mind to Harry, how his tall build would look in these robes. He's a good half a foot taller than me, so where mine bunches up at the base of my legs, his would glide off the floor, sit absolutely perfect across his broad shoulders, hang down the length of him. And also how good he looks in red. I love the colour red in general, but seeing it on him always made my heart skip a few beats, as if two of my favourite things melting together gave me a new found love of each of them. Seeing them compliment each other.

"You look like your wearing a curtain" I hear Pip's soft voice from behind me, spotting her reflection through the mirror I was starring in.

I let out a soft chuckle. "Yeah, yeah I guess I can see that, they kind of do don't they" I agree with her, using my hands to hold out the material of the robe.

"Does this mean your leaving us now Louis? Does granuing today mean your leaving us?" her voice suddenly sounds saddened but I can't help chuckle at her pronunciation.

"It's graduating, and no, of course not Pip. I'd never leave you" I attempt to comfort her putting my arm around her and bringing her close into my side.

Bending my knees, I squat down so I'm at the same height as her. Leaving these girls was my biggest hesitation when considering accepting Cardiff's offer. I had until 5pm tomorrow to accept or they would forfeit my position to another player.

Dad has only been getting worse as time gets on. It seems, if possible, he is becoming more distant with them, and when I mentioned the girls coming to live with me near campus, and that I would take care of them, he got really defensive, saying they were hid children and his final reminders of mum and I wouldn't be taking them. The irony and that.

So now I was even more conflicted, I had gathered the strength to move away from Harry, not on from Harry. I could never more on for Harry, but I would be out there waiting for him whenever he was ready, but I couldn't leave the girls. I wouldn't.

But the selfishness in me, was telling me not to give up on my dream. I could hear mums voice in my head saying that this was my life too. That I had a life as well, and I owed to myself, to her, to the girls, to be the absolute best version of myself that I could be.

So as much as I didn't want graduation to come and go, I definitely didn't want the next 36 hours to come by, to make that decision. Feeling like I had to choose between myself and my family.

"Where are you going to college?" Pip suddenly asks.

"What?" I reply in confusion.

"I saw on a movie, that when people finish high school they have to go to college so they can get a job, where are you going to go to get a job?" the pure innocence of a child's brain is incredible.