Tourette's || KuroKen

chapter 26 - disease of dreams

"Kenma you did nothing for me, why didn't you save me?"

"I.. I don't know.. I'm sorry," He whispered, "Why did you leave? I didn't know.."

"Why didn't you save me?"

Why?

Why couldn't you save me, Kenma?

Quickly Kenma arose from his pillow in a panic, sweat beat down his forehead. His hair stuck to his temples, he felt warm, the room felt stuffy and humid. His slow breaths turned into panicked inhales and exhales. Quickly he looked around the room, it was dark, small light shown from outside. Kenma took his fingers and slid the small strands across his head, wiping the beads of sweat off as well.

Kenma looked at his fingers as they were slightly shaking from the sudden nightmare causing him to stir up. His sigh was shaky as he pulled the blanket off of his legs, letting them feel a cool breeze.

He stood up, standing there for a couple seconds before taking a step forwards. Kenma slowly walked around the twin size bed that was put in the guest room a couple months back so he could have his own room to sleep in. He twisted the door handle and swung it open, looking out his bedroom into the semi-dark house. He started walking silently out of the room, until a sudden shock his hit throat, it felt as if something was going to erupt out of his mouth.

Kenma quickly covered his mouth and rushed his way through the house, navigated his feet through the hallway, continuously stubbing his toes on the corner of the walls.

Once reaching the bathroom, his hand that was not preventing his mouth to spew out chunky liquid scaled across the wall, finding the switch to turn on the bathroom light. The light came violently to his eyes, blinding him for the few seconds before he was about to throw up chunky liquid from his esophagus.

Kenma kept crouched over the toilet, letting the liquid violently hit the water. It was hard to keep his head in the toilet, he hated the feeling of throwing up. His hatred only grew more when he wasn't able to stop it, every dry heave made him want to bawl his eyes out.

It was that dream, that dream made his guts knot up and puke every single thing into this round bowl.

Thinking about the dream made his stomach grumble more, made the urge to throw everything up grow stronger. He didn't want have Kuroo leave, to die, to pass away due to his fault.

It wasn't his fault, right?

Kenma exhaled shakily, using his hands to pull him out of the toilet. His hands shook violently as he let go of the sides of the toilet. He closed his eyes and breathed once more before standing up. Kenma slowly washed his hands in warm water, avoiding eye contact with the mirror. He stumbled out of the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen to get a cup of water to wash down the disgusting taste in his mouth.

Kenma found Misaki sitting at the counter, slowly sipping a can of Dr. Pepper.

"How was your throw up session?" She asked, still staring into nothingness.

"Thanks for the concern." Kenma croaked as he pulled a glass from the cabinet and filled it up with tap water.

"You like tap water?" Misaki questioned.

Kenma chugged down the water before answering her, "After I throw up mostly."

"So throwing up is a normal for you?"

"No—" Kenma made a disgusted face before filling the glass up with water and gulping it down once more.

Misaki set the can down, "What is your reason for being up this early? It's.. 4:47 AM."

"Bad dream.. I guess?" Kenma sighed and walked around the counter, taking a seat next to Misaki.

Misaki glanced at him, taking another sip of the soda. She stared at him for a minute before speaking up, "So, will you tell me the bad dream that caused you to empty your guts out? It seemed to be worse enough to make you throw up.."

Kenma folded his hands together and looked at the counter, his eyes felt dry and tired.

"Tetsuroū killed himself.. and it felt like it was my fault." Kenma blankly spoke, "I don't know how to explain it. I just couldn't.. save him."

Misaki sat there silently, leaving Kenma more room to speak.

"How am I suppose to.." Kenma trailed off as his mind hazed slowly. He felt his mind falling asleep, as his throat felt like sand paper was rubbed against it.

Misaki slowly took her hand and pulled Kenma's head towards her. She planted a kiss on the top of his head and stood up from her chair.

"Go get rest Kenma," She smiled and walked away from the kitchen.

Kenma rubbed his hands together, his eyes stared obliviously into the counter. He lowered his head down onto his hands, making sure his head wouldn't touch the cold counter. His eyes closed slowly, falling back into a restless sleep.

The sun rose an hour after Kenma had fallen asleep. The warm sun shone through the house once more.

-

Slow months past by. Kuroo's tic had gotten astronomically worst, the stress held over everyone in the household. Leaving Kuroo the feeling of a somewhat burden.

When those months past, Kuroo's biological mother had given birth to his half-sibling. No one had known of the gender yet, as it was unknown to the mother as well. The child was born with FAS: fetal alcohol syndrome. The baby had pulled through the intoxication for the couple months of growth, but extremely unhealthy when the child was born.

FAS had the effects on the child's face, leaving a thin upper lip, flat mid face, small eye openings/small palpebral fissures. They knew the child would be more affected in the future.

During those months Kenma's dream occurred more often, could lead to multiple nights in a row. He constantly checked Kuroo after he awoke from the dream, watching him sleep for a couple minutes before drinking a couple cups of tap water and dozing off to sleep again.

But exciting times also occurred during the months. Kenma and Kuroo would go for outings, play games or study. Studying was the hardest, taking up half the time they spent together.

The only time Kuroo would genuinely smile is when his old friend Bokuto would come over and bring him food, maybe play video games, but Bokuto was also busy with his own life, playing volleyball, school, and Akaashi.

But Kuroo would always leave a small smile whenever Kenma told something to him, something that made Kenma get excited enough to blab on about. Kuroo would always feel that warmth when he heard Kenma talk about himself. Even though everything slowly wrapped around him, leaving the feeling of weakness overwhelm him, he would always find peace listening to Kenma blab.

Kuroo felt himself get weaker, the tics getting stronger, leaving his muscles weak and limp. He still felt the way he had always felt about himself, a person with a disease, not a disorder, his mother was right. A disease.

•••

a/n: short chapter- :/