Leaving it to chance [ Serendipity Series #01 ]

XXXVI: pighati

Pighati — (n.) sorrow; grief; 2. dejection; anguish; 3. heartache.

* should there be any bisaya words used throughout the chapter, translations will be provided.

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Tanggap ko na. 

Tinanggap ko na talaga na hindi kami para sa isa't isa. Alam kong ilang ulit ko na itong sinasabi pero tanggap ko na. Had it not been for Patch's revelation about Lola Chona's last wishes, I would have tried to find a reason to leave. Looking back, I always tried to find a reason to leave. Maybe I should try staying for a change? 

The car ride back to the office was quiet. Mikie tried to make small talk but it would die down pretty quickly. This was me setting my boundaries, drawing the line. This was me leaving all the what ifs behind. 

I kept my safe distance. It was what both of us deserved. Mabuti at pagbalik namin sa office okay na yung sasakyan ko.  

"I'll email you the quote," Aniya habang palabas ako ng sasakyan. 

"Thanks," Maikili kong sagot. 

"Take care," was the last thing he said pero hindi ko na siya pinansin. 

I needed to stop reacting to every little thing that he said. I quickly entered my car and just...sat there. Hindi ko inandar. Nakaupo lang ako sa driver's seat at nakatitig sa windshield, letting everything sink in. I did not know why I started to cry. Napakasakit isipin na wala ako roon noong naghirap si Lola Chona. I wasn't there when she was sick. Hindi man lang ako tumawag while I was in Paris. It was sad to think that even during her final moment, iniisip pa rin n'ya ako. I wished I spent more time with Lola Chona. Maybe if I did, I could have discovered that she was an art collector herself. Sumakit lalo puso ko. 

That afternoon I cried in my car. 

Thank God the weekend came faster than I expected. I don't know how I got through the that week but I did. I spent most of my Saturday at home though. I didn't feel like going out so naglinis nalang ako ng condo. Hindi ko alam anong oras na ako natapos pero late afternoon na. Hindi nga ako nakapalunch. 

I flopped on my couch all sticky and sweaty. Tinatamad pa akong maligo. I was too tired to function. At least malinis na ang condo. It was long over due anyway. 

Nakahiga lang ako sa couch nung tumunog bigla yung phone ko.

"Hello Ma?" 

"Kumusta ka diha?" [ Kumusta ka diyan?  ] tanong ni mama sa'kin. 

"Okay lang. Bago rako nahuman og panglimpyo." [ Kakatapos ko lang maglinis. ] 

"Maayo kay nakahunahuna ka manglimpyo." [ Mabuti at naisip mong maglinis. ] 

I rolled my eyes. Oh, mother. "Ma, I feel like you missed me because napatawag ka bigla." I teased.