Leaving it to chance [ Serendipity Series #01 ]

XXVIII: habiling

Habiling — (n.) anything given to somebody for safekeeping.

* should there be any bisaya words used throughout the chapter, translations will be provided.

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Content Warning: NSFW (Not Safe For Work)/R-18 content will be present in this chapter. Please read with caution.

I didn't even see Mikie out. I stood up and left. My pride did not allow me to watch him leave so before he could, I got up and walked to my room as if my heart did not break with every step I took. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I broke down. I found myself hugging my knees on the floor, back against my door as tears streamed down my face.

What have I done? Was this really the end of us? End of it all?

I let my fear of losing Mikie get the best of me. I thought if I held on to him, if I found ways to keep him close, I would never have to worry about letting him go, but it was the opposite. The tighter I held on to him, the further I pushed him away. And now I was the one to suffer.

There was no one to blame but myself.

I spent the rest of my week inside my room. Lumalabas lang ako kapag kumakain or nagbabanyo. I told Astrid and Josh what happened. At first, they were angry kasi ang tanga ko raw. Totoo naman talaga. I couldn't blame them anyway. They understood me and my point, but they wished I didn't let my own fears get the best of me.

I wish it didn't, too.

One week kami ni Mikie hindi nag-usap. There were days where I found myself staring at my phone, waiting for his name to pop up on my screen. Kahit text, Instagram DM, iMessage, wala. No call. Nothing. It was as if I did not exist.

There were days where I wanted to call him, to hear his voice, to tell him I was sorry, but I couldn't. I ended up just staring at his name, too scared to call. So many things were left unsaid that I did not know where to begin.

"Tawagan mo si Mikie. Tell him you're sorry." Astrid sighed, reaching for my hand.

"Hindi ko na siya pipilitin. Siya nag-suggest na maghiwalay kami."

"You pushed him over the edge, Nina. Of course magagalit 'yung tao. You were asking him to change his plans, his future, for you, when he could never once try to hold you back."

"I was scared," I mumbled.

"Natural lang matakot, Nins. But don't let that fear consume you."

I dropped my face into my palms, letting out silent sobs.

"Iyak mo lang 'yan, Nins." Josh sighed. "Iyak mo lang 'yan and then after, fix yourself and your relationship."

"How?" I sniffed. "Paano ko pa 'to maaayos?"

"Mahal mo ba si Mikie?" Hinimas-himas ni Astrid likod ko.

"Oo naman. Ano bang klaseng tanong 'yan?"

"Mahal ka ba ni Mikie?" She asked.

"Noon siguro. Ngayon ewan ko na." Josh coughed.

"Not helping!" Astrid scolded him.

Mas lalo pa akong umiyak.

I didn't even tell my parents what happened. They would probably give me the same reaction and sermon. Mikie was right. I was impulsive and I didn't think things through. It was my impulsiveness that always got me in trouble.