Leaving it to chance [ Serendipity Series #01 ]

PROLOGUE: gunita

Gunita — (n.) memory, recollection

Should there be any Bisaya words used throughout the chapter, a Bisaya glossary will be placed at the end of the chapter for your reference.

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Dear Mikie,

Would it be baduy if I started this letter by saying I don't know? I don't know what I want to say—well write for this matter. It would be, wouldn't it? Minsan iniisip ko kung paano tayo. Paano kung hindi ako naging makasarili. Naging masaya ba tayo? Naging masaya ba ako? Putek talaga 'tong mga what-if.

I wanted to say I am sorry. I am sorry for being selfish, for choosing 'me' instead of what could have been between us, but I don't know if there is anything to apologize for? See, even dito, manhid pa rin ako. For that, I am sorry. Then again, nothing you're not used to at this point hehe.

Again, I don't know where I am going with this letter. It's not like you're ever going to read this anyway. I don't know.

Are you counting how many times I've written 'I don't know?' Too many for sure and kasisimula ko lang.

Para hindi masayang ang ink 'tsaka stationery ko, let me describe the scene in front of me instead.

Clear skies, sea breeze, and the sound of waves crashing roughly against the rocky shoreline. No, wala ako sa Cebu. Asa ka. I wish I was, though. Cebu became more than just home—it was a treasure trove of our memories. Memories that will forever be tattooed into my subconscious; it's one of the few things I hold on to these days. It's one of the few things I have of you.

Nasa Ploumanac'h kami ngayon, somewhere in Brittany. Oh, sosyal, 'di ba? Try mo ngang i-pronounce. Alam kong 'di mo alam kung saan 'to kasi ako rin noong inaya ako, 'di ko rin alam. Sabi countryside raw. It's quaint over here, super simple ng buhay. It's beautiful here, Mike. I wish you could see it, too.

The reason why I thought of writing to you is because nasa beach kami. These days, whenever I see the ocean, it reminds me of you. You resemble its depth and its strength, the comfort it gives me. Have I ever told you I feel the most comfortable in your arms? Oddly enough, you resemble the ocean's stubbornness, its refusal to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it gets sent away. No matter how many times I sent you away. They say everything came in waves, but by far you were the biggest one that crashed in my life; I would happily drown in you.

I don't regret leaving, though. I don't regret chasing my dream, but I do miss you. Please know that I do with every fiber of my being. I do, Mike.

Ang labo, 'no? Do I still have the right to miss you at this point? Am I still allowed to wish you were here to tell me it's going to be okay? To just have you hold me through the uncertainties? Sometimes I wonder kung bakit pinagtagpo pa tayo kung ganito lang pala ang ending. Why our paths crossed so many times but never diverged. Sabi nila, kakampi raw natin si Tadhana, but I would disagree.

You can't have everything in this world, but if you're everything then heaven knows what I would do to have you again.

Napaka-unfair.

I think I should stop here. If I keep writing, baka magdrama na ako at pagtitignan ako ng mga tao rito. Kala mo naman si Charo sinusulatan ko.

Until the next time I decide to pour everything out on paper.

With all my love,

Nina

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"Okay, I need to stop emoting on the beach," I told myself, sighing as I stood up. Totoo nga pala iyong sinabi nila na moving on was a bitch. What was worse was there was no one else to blame but myself. So much for inflicting self-pain.

The sun began to dip across the horizon, painting the sky hues of pink, orange, and purple. So beautiful yet so sad. Sunsets represented ending and change—basically Mikie and I in a nutshell. I got sadder at the thought, turning my back on the melancholic view. As I began to walk away, I folded the letter in my hand and shoved it into my bag.

Astrid told me I was the mastermind of my own sadness. Ang sadista ko raw. Imbis hindi ko na iisipin ang past para tuluyan kong limutin, ine-entertain ko ang pain. I write to cope. I write to release all that pent up emotion and words I probably would never get to say.

Meeting Mikie (on multiple occasions) wasn't a choice, it was all by chance; purely coincidence. But loving him and leaving him was.