Flames of Fires Fade

Awake at Night

I’m still awake at night

In the early hours I can’t help but think

About all the fears that can’t see the light

But slowly grasp me in the dark

And I think about you sometimes

Wondering if it’s just me

Or if someone, somewhere is thinking

About me or everything we could be

I ask myself questions I can never answer

Insolvable truths of this world

Insecurities I hide beneath my shell

That don’t come out until I cry

I hate regrets

I hate that I regret regrets

I want to live my life like nobody cares

But I do, because I’m afraid of being wrong

Of messing up and not being able to fix it

Everything losing control

Until there’s nothing left for me to do

I desperately try to find the truth

Or if the truth is even what I’m looking for

But maybe just the scabs to heal these wounds

And the night sky seems limitless

But why do I feel so heavy

Shackled and helpless against the weight

Of everything I could have done

But never did

I’m scared of waking up the next morning

So I don’t go to sleep

I stay up until my eyes drop to the floor

Until the unconsciousness makes me alive

Because I don’t want to live this life

Feeling carried by the current

Tiptoeing around tired hands

From holding on too tight

But I’m too afraid to change it

I tell myself I’m not

But I am

I tell myself it’s different

But it’s not

So I wait here

Writing this poem

Until I’m not awake at night