Flames of Fires Fade

Glass (Slam Poem)

I replay our phone conversation over in my head to make sure that I didn't just miss a word or if you actually just hung up

I mean I really shouldn't be surprised but is one word too hard for you to say?

I hear you open up the door to come home but it's as if you never did because you didn't even care to come say hello

I think about my recitals coming up and my matches that I have to play but I don't even bother telling you because I don't want to be disappointed again

But it's not like I would want you to come anyways, I mean, even if I lose, you already think of me as a failure

You know I stay up at night thinking about all the things that I could have done better and wondering if maybe I messed up along the way

And I often hear your voice telling me that you love me and wondering if it was a dream

But I often mistake dreams for nightmares and nightmares for dreams because when one word is replaced with another, it means something entirely different

Sometimes I think that maybe you wanted to be an artist and when you created me you blew this piece of glass a little too hard

Blew me away like all the dreams I whispered into my pillow, like all the tissues I used covering up my tears, like all the words to the lullabies you never sang me

I sometimes wonder if when I was born, the hospital made a mistake and gave me to the wrong person because you couldn't have possibly wanted another child

And a couple years later I remember learning about all those fairy tales where everything turns out okay in the end, where they all find their happily ever after, and I wondered if I was a princess

But I didn't yearn for the love of a prince but for the love of a wicked king

My apple was rotten and the slipper didn't fit

And as a king you are laughing because when I fell I broke, and your horses and your men just tore me apart and didn't even try to put me back together again