Love with a Loss of Innocence

13.

(y/n)'s pov

The rest of the morning seemed like a blur. My energy was slowly getting drained, and by the time we reached the end of the courtyard, where everyone was currently, I felt like my legs were going to give out. 

Gilda kept gently shaking my shoulder to keep me awake for negotiating the terms of surrender. Sir Yuugo quietly talked with the queen in front of everyone, while we waited in anticipation. 

The concealment must have completely worn off since many guests seemed to have recognized me. I heard the murmurs and whispers of the townspeople as I tried to focus on what was happening in front of me. 

I couldn't hear the decision, but I saw Sir Yuugo grin. However, I knew he was crying inside. We all were.

Even in Oliver's final moments, despite being in pain, he still smiled. My arms ached as I held my sword, and I could see the dried tears on everyone's face. 

"You did well, (y/n)," I heard Sonya say next to me. "Oliver would have been proud."

"Thank you," I answered, but this victory was still at a loss. I glanced at Ray, who concentrated on the discussion with his mother. 

"Well then, that's it, I suppose?" the queen stated, curtsying toward the man. He nodded and walked back toward us. He tried to look happy, and even if we won, we didn't have the will to. 

Timeskip to arrival to Ellesmere

When Mr. Lucas greeted us at the ferry, we feigned happiness. "You guys did it!" he said joyously. His eyes darted, landing on each of us, and we realized that he figured out the truth. "Wait, where's your captain? Oliver, I mean."

Sir Yuugo shook his head, and with that motion, he fell on his knees. His shoulders trembled violently, as passerby wondered what was the commotion. "He didn't make it," he replied, his voice breaking.

The tears we held in for so long finally let out. 

I don't think I was even conscious enough for Oliver's funeral. 

The hours after, awkward silence occupied the palace rooms as we heard festivities play from the outside. None of us had the courage to say something after what we just witnessed. It was so quiet, and I could hear my life pass me by. 

The days after the end of the war, our life started going back to normal. Paula was elected by our fellow comrades as Oliver's successor and the new captain of the court. 

An announcement then got out for an official peace treaty. It was decided to be scheduled six months from now.    

"Why so long after?" I asked one day, coming back from lessons. 

"We're being cautious," Mr. Lucas pointed out. "There's been rumors of Asteria attacking again."

I took that to thought and hoped that would never happen. Because of the war ending, there was no more need for the tarnished spider silk clothing. As a result, we just stored them in a couple of drawers.

We also got some news about the Crown Prince. Apparently, the imperial blacksmith was creating a new diadem, because the one we broke was the family heirloom. A king doesn't need a crown to be a ruler, they say.

Also, now that I think of it, Ray's bargain seemed very little compared to mine. Was that how much he wanted me to listen? I knew that once we went back, our duties would stay the same. But an explanation against surrender was two very different things. I wonder what he would have said if I won. 

I walked to my room, which was adjacent to my father's. Over the course of a month, I had it furnished to my liking. I had (f/c) drapes hanging from the window, with a bed of the same color. I wanted it to remind me of my old home. But as I set down my belongings, I noticed a cream-colored feather on my windowsill. 

That's odd, I thought, while I picked up to inspect the feather. I was about to throw it away and think nothing of it when suddenly, an ivory dove flew in from a tree. As I was quickly shutting my curtains, the bird stopped gliding among the wind and perched on my desk, below the aperture. 

It didn't seem particularly jumpy, and it stood still even if I walked closer. Must be a trained bird, I noticed. Its beady black eyes peered into mine, while I observed a small item on its leg. It was a parchment slip, tied with a red satin ribbon. So it's a carrier dove, I deduced.

"Are you here for me?" I asked, not expecting a response. I was genuinely surprised when the creature started hopping on its feet, accidentally knocking over a closed inkwell. As a result, the paper fell from its leg. 

I carefully took a few steps forward and took it. I heard my conscience tell me that it could kill me, but I did not let that hinder my curiosity. I unrolled the slip and realized it was actually a torn scrap of parchment. I turned it over, and a few words were written in shimmery green ink.

I squinted closely, and the words said "I'm sorry, but please. Let me explain what happened." in small handwritten letters. There was no signature, but I already knew who it was. 

I quickly decided on what to do and it would have been rude not to reply back. Also, resolving some past disagreements would help in the future. The dove quickly settled atop my manuscripts, watching me. The whole time, it didn't make a peep. 

After I found a blue quill pen I used for signing documents, I dipped it into an open ink bottle and wrote down my answer:

"Alright, but, that's all we'll say. Nothing more, nothing less." 

"Give this to Ray, okay?" I told the bird. I tightly fastened on my message with some leftover purple silk and urged it to fly. I watched the dove as much as I can, its feathers gleaming in the bright sun before I could no longer see it in view. 

Three days later

This time, after dinner, the dove came back. Another letter arrived of course, as I swiftly closed the draft to keep cold breezes from coming in. 

"Hello again," I greeted, untying a yellow string on its leg. I tried to keep my hands shaking, and I noticed that this letter was far bigger than the last. I sat down, quickly scanning what Ray said:

I never planned on marrying Anna. Since where she was from had an important trading network, we were just going to be business partners. But then, she created a deal that I had to follow. If I ended our engagement, she would start working with me.

I was about to throw away the message after that bit before I was given a sense of urgency to keep reading. 

I didn't think you would take it the wrong way, and it clearly surprised us when you did. Also, I'm sorry for coming after you. I know you would think there's no excuse, and I won't blame you. But after dinner, I was poisoned with amaryllis fruit. 

I narrowed my eyes, remembering where I heard that. It was almost like some sort of narcotic, and the feeder could command the fed to follow whatever they say. If that wasn't terrible already, the drugged would forget the next day.

Norman told me what I did, and that he heard Anna secretly threaten the chef to add some to my drink. He said that after I sipped it, I was like an animal. He told me that she forced me to go to your room and end the betrothal somehow.

So that's why. I would have never guessed there was an actual answer for this, and it seemed like a lie. I really did want to move on, but there was a small feeling that it wasn't true.

I'd hate to beg for mercy and forgiveness, but for the entire empire as a whole, will you leave the past in the past?

I folded the letter in half before I held my head in my hands. I was so confused about who Ray was, whether he was sincere and if all of this was just one giant misunderstanding. The thing is, part of me will still forever like him, because, in the end, he was just a boy who sought love in his life. 

"Well, let's just get this over with," I muttered, scrawling down my response.

"To be honest, I'm not sure if I believe you. But, if you want, we can send more messages to each other, as professional acquaintances. Maybe then I can see if you're being truthful or not."

Before I knew it, I had my message placed on the bird, gazing as it flew by the moonlight.