Love with a Loss of Innocence

19.

(y/n)'s pov

The next day, I got ready in my pre-determined outfit without a word. I was scared that if I even whispered, I would break down in tears because of my decision. I slipped on the dress, looking through my satchel if I missed anything, and that was when I found it. 

My mother's bracelet. I remember seven months ago, that was how Gilda figured out I was an Asterian. How her seeing eyes can perceive what was real and what wasn't, and how she figured out how Ray's story was unfabricated. 

I guess I'll miss Ray the most. After I discerned he was still the same kind boy he was, I realized that I was in love with him all along. And that was what made this so bittersweet.

Only two days went by, but it felt like a lifetime. From the moment I saw him, to the second we left. Just as I was about to leave, I noticed the rose Ray gave me on my nightstand. I was surprised it didn't wilt or dry up, but that's imperial flowers for you. They never die, and symbolize everlasting love. 

I stared at in sentimentally, before finding a spare empty glass vase and putting it in. As if on cue, its petals shined and instead of a pale white color, it changed into a lavender hue. 

A tear fell when I realized what Ray meant. The color stood for quietness, serenity, and purity. However, lavender roses meant love at first sight. A fantasy expectation, that I didn't know could be true. But I suppose the more you think about it, the more it makes sense.

Love doesn't have to be romantic; it could be friendly, grateful, or even compassionate. Between us, we had a gentle, silent love, that outsiders wouldn't understand, and it started ever since we we were young, innocent children.

I walked out of my room, leaving the flower to grow once more.

While I went past the columns, I noticed the Asterian royal guards, Barbara and Cislo. They were in matching red armor, the imperial crest on their breastplate. I remembered that the guard I fought all those months ago was none other than the man in front of me himself.

"Good morning, Your Highness," Barbara said as Cislo bowed. I barely saw them the entire time I was here, but I curtseyed back in greeting. 

As I went out the gates of the castle, I noticed that the courtyard was filled with many people. Everyone was decked out in their best garb, such as peacock suits and amethyst necklaces.

While I looked for my group, I found a familiar face amidst the group of guests. 

"(y/n)!" Josephine exclaimed. "I can't believe you did it!"

"Me neither," I answered, smiling. She was my first friend in Ellesmere, providing me a room and a place to sleep, as I planned my short-lived idea of revenge. 

"So did you do it?" she asked with expectant eyes. She was wearing a velvet red dress and her brown hair was braided into a low bun. "Kick some royal ass, I mean."

I laughed. "If you count beating the Crown Prince in a swordfight, then yes, I did."

"(f/n) would have been so proud of you, now that you're our crown princess," she whispered, hugging me. "She always told us how protective she thinks she must be, but now..."

"Hey, where's Mendel?" I asked after a minute of remembering (f/n)'s oblation. 

"That stupid marquess killed him after his interrogation," Josephine replied, tears quickly filling her eyes. "I hate them. I hate them all. They think they are so high and mighty, just because they're nobles."

I gasped and tried to give a sympathetic smile, but I couldn't. Just how much have died for an end to the war?

Was this the price for peace, and the cost of prosperity? At that moment, I realized, that ignorance was bliss. You can't live in happiness if you remind yourself of hunger and conflict.