Love with a Loss of Innocence

18.

I'm gonna be graduating soon! So yay! I cannot wait for May 28, the last day of academics. Then after will be grad week. (Finally)

(y/n)' pov

On the whole day, I wasn't really focusing on the signing or anything else. The day went by fast, and after supposedly "dancing until your feet bled",  the party ceased.

Currently, I was waiting for Ray in the imperial garden. Earlier, I asked Mujika for a favor, if she could stop by the Crown Prince's room, and give a letter I addressed to him. It wasn't much, and it was basically just asking if he can visit me, so I can talk to him. 

This night was going to be the last night we speak together as equals. After we sign the treaty, our lives will forever be different. No more visits, no more casual conversation, and mostly, no more enjoyment. 

"Hi, (y/n)," I heard Ray say from behind me. "It's pretty rare that you invite me first."

"Hello," I started, a little nervous about what I was going to say. I fiddled with the sleeve of my dress and realized I still had not changed into my nightgown. "Look, I just want to set some things straight."

Ray nodded, and he too was still in his formal attire. "Sure, what do you need?"

"As you may know, after tomorrow, our short-lived remembrance with each other is over," I said reluctantly. "This will probably be our last informal conversation, for, after this, I don't know what will happen."

He didn't say anything as he absorbed this information. He would be a king, and I would be a queen. It was true that all past recollections were now resolved, but now, I had no idea what to do. 

I really did love him, and hate myself for it. I wished I could have figured it out sooner, so we could have had more time together. But that's life. 

"I see," he replied, after not saying anything for a minute. "So, what do you want to do then?"

"That's the thing," I answered, holding up my hands. "I don't know! Everyone expects me to be this perfect daughter, and to always make the best choices. But I can't. I can't please everyone, and I'm really not sorry for that." 

"I get it," Ray said sympathetically. "I really do. I always wondered if you ever get tired of deciding the most beneficial outcome, because back then, you were the puppeteer pulling the strings, the power behind the throne. You made sure everyone was satisfied, regardless of having to give something away."

"I don't think I can lead a kingdom," I responded. "It's so difficult with everything right now, and sometimes I regret even agreeing to this proposition."

 There were times I felt like I couldn't deal with the perils. Death really traumatized me, ever since I saw (f/n) get tortured right in front of my eyes. I thought about what I should do, as I felt Ray's eyes watching me. 

"(y/n), don't lie, I know part of you doesn't want to go on with this treaty signing," he spoke suddenly. I looked from the ground, wondering how he figured it out.

 It was true. Despite meaning years of peace and prosperity, it meant never going back to Asteria, ever.

"So, what do you want to do?" he repeated again. I shook my head. The fate of the tri-kingdom was on our shoulders. A matter of life or death, because of the love of another. 

"I'm going to sign it," I answered slowly. It was a harsh decision, but I knew what was right. Life isn't fair. It never was to begin with. "That doesn't mean I want to, but it's for the better."

Signing the treaty meant never seeing each other again. Traditionally, rulers would send a representative to get messages across, so this was a give-and-take situation. Everything had a price, and peace was to give up your connection.