Love with a Loss of Innocence

14.

(y/n)'s pov

5 months and a week later

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Still, barely anything happened as we waited for the official peace treaty. 

The only things keeping me occupied were my lessons and the letters. Over the course of almost half a year, I received and sent seventeen letters in total. 

I would hate to admit it, but gradually, I'm starting to believe Ray's explanation. It seemed so far-fetched at first, but the more details he gave, made it all the more real. But even then, I still retained the dignity to stay cautious. If there was one thing I would never want to do, was to make the same mistake again. 

Besides his answers, we had small talk. I learned about his carrier dove and the side effects of amaryllis fruit. We even shared humorous jokes with each other, and trivial stories to match. To be honest, it was really refreshing compared to what we went through. I once found myself looking forward to letters when my father asked why I was smiling as he caught me writing something in my room. 

I could see myself truly forgiving him if it wasn't for the small voice in my head. 

Ray seemed to have either had a change of heart or he never changed, to begin with. Because of Gilda's incantation process, I was able to retrieve memories I suppressed for so long. I remembered how kind he was, and the way he spoke now gave me a sense of deja vu.

But slowly but surely, I was finally embracing the feeling of his letters. However, I was only fearful of one thing: interpreting his message the wrong way.

________________________________________________________________________________

"(y/n)! Something came for you in the mail!" I heard Ayshe say. Her voice caused my focus to sidetrack, and I felt my embroidering needle prick my fingertip. I quickly wiped off the droplet of blood on a handkerchief, standing up. She waved from the doorway, holding a couple of boxes. 

"I think it's a package and a letter," she added, presenting me one of the parcels. "Who's it from?"

I saw the familiar yellow string before I felt my face warm up. I immediately shook my head after and regained my composure. "Nothing, it's nothing."

"Ooh, from your reaction, it seems like you have a secret lover," she replied, teasing me. I tightly held the package, wanting to go into my room and see what was in store. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"No one," I answered quickly, hiding the blush on my face. This wasn't supposed to happen, not after the conversation I had with Gilda two months ago. Ray and I were supposed to be professional now after the entire engagement thing was resolved and over with. 

Past feelings should not be derived at the moment, and that was final. 

"Ayshe, I think the calligraphy units are giving free inkwells again," I lied. It was more of a half-truth since Mr. Lucas' students sometimes donate extra supplies to students who want to learn but don't have the funds to. "Maybe your family in Nethilor might want some?"

"Oh, you're right! Father might enjoy these," she responded, already on her way. She really did cherish her loved ones. "Catch you later, (y/n)!" 

After waving goodbye, I walked up the steps to my room, recalling my past meeting with Gilda. 

"The concealment spell, did it wear off after Oliver got shot?" I asked her. I was currently in the imperial sorcery room, while Ms. Krone, Gilda's teacher, ground herbs. 

"No, I don't think so," she said, as she rushed to fill a cauldron with black lake water. I leaned back on my chair, to smell charcoal in the air. "These incantations last for half a day at the most; we were only attacking their troops for six hours.

"Was there any way for someone to recognize you?" I inquired quietly, wiping a piece of lint off the stone table. Ms. Krone left to get some dried lavender from the kitchen, leaving Gilda and me by ourselves. 

"Yes, there are a few exceptions," she replied, her vision casting downward. She turned to me, her expression serious. "(y/n), is there anything wrong?"

"I'm fine, but the only thing is that the Crown Prince recognized me when I fought against him," I said, recalling the moment. It didn't seem that serious at the time but I was so wrong.

The crystal vial holding truth serum fell and shattered into pieces when Gilda gasped and dropped it. Her eyes widened, as she tried to find a broom to clean up the mess. "Is that bad?" I asked, my voice trembling. 

"It's either a fluke or it's fate," I heard her mutter. "Sorry, let me explain."

"If there was one thing stronger than sorcery itself, it was love, yes?" she started. Gilda proceeded to dump the shards into a wooden bin and then sat across me on the table. "All humans are tied to one person by the red string of fate at birth. This means, if he could recognize you when no one else can, then that means, you are each other's other half."

I sat there in silence, unable to process the information. Was this it then? I had to spend the rest of my life like this? 

"T-then again, it could just be a coincidence," Gilda added quickly. "All spells are prone to accidents, so why is this any different?"

My mother coming back to life had more of a chance than this being a stroke of misfortune.

"It's just that, why?" I said, asking no one in particular. "Out of all people, why him? Sure, I partially understood him, but I don't think I can fully forget what he did, even if it was a misinterpretation."

"Not trying to pry, but, why do you dislike his existence so much, to the point of choosing anything except him?" she wondered. The room went quiet, and I felt the silence grow as I tried to think of an answer.

"I don't even know myself," I said honestly. "He meant well, but still, there could have been a way to prevent what happened. Yes, I know it took place ages ago, but I don't think I can forgive him that easily. We're still so young, and nowhere near ready for a serious relationship." 

Gilda smiled as she took my hand gently. "I get it (y/n), so feel free to go at your own pace. Even if it was a minor chance occurrence, it couldn't really hurt, can it?"

How my feelings changed moderately over the course of six months kind of scared me.

Once I made it to my room, my curiosity already got the better of me. The parchment was half off, and I got some letter openers to cut the rest free. It wasn't the best way, but it got the job done. 

I used the sharp edge to cut the closed area of the envelope. I then pulled out the letter, and there were only two sentences of ink written on it.

For the Crown Princess. May we see each other soon.

I couldn't prevent the small smile grace my lips when I read those lines. So it's a gift, from Ray, huh? I thought.

After unwrapping the paper, I quickly discarded the box covering the item. It revealed a delicate diadem, with cut sapphire gemstones encrusted in sterling silver wire. My jaw almost dropped at the exquisite sight. 

"This framework," I whispered, using a finger to trace the swirling patterns. Intricate flowers were engraved on the sides, and it caught the light everywhere the tiara turned. The object was so fragile I didn't feel worthy to own such an item. "It's so elegant, why was this given to me?"

While I spent a minute admiring the work, I noticed a small detail. Right under the signature jewel in the center, were three embossed roses: the Asterian crest. 

Right then, I noticed why this crown was so coveted. It was the imperial partner of the coronet we broke that night. This was the crown the supposed bride of the Crown Prince wore. My eyes widened, figuring out this subtle sign, that meant a thousand words. I immediately put it down in surprise, coming to a conclusion.

Ray was planning on marrying me this entire time.