Diary of a Christian Girl

I needed it

(Mati narrates)

I entered Emily's room and there she was, lying on her bed, her eyes were swollen from crying so much, she looked so sad, so helpless.

-Hello child- I said softly, she opened her eyes but her face showed the helplessness of not being able to see me. She sat down and stretched her arms towards me.

-Mati?- she asked me and I hugged her tightly trying not to cry, seeing her like that breaks my heart.

-It's me child, here I am- She hugged me even tighter and started crying.

We stayed like that for a long time, I don't want to let her go, I know she must feel very lonely, without being able to defend herself, without being able to see me.

-Hey, I brought you your favorite chocolates- I told her while I took her hair out of her face, I saw her and I can't believe what is happening to her, I just can't understand how it happened and I can't accept that this will be like this forever. She doesn't want to smile, the pain she is in doesn't let her do it, I promised myself that I would make her happy, that I wouldn't let her smile fade, but right now I don't know how to do it.

-Thank you Mati- Her voice is broken, she has no strength, she is not herself.

(Emily narrates)

When I heard Mati, I couldn't believe it, I really needed his support right now, he knows me more than I know myself.

I opened my eyes, hoping this is all a horrible nightmare, but I still can't see anything, this is not a dream, this is now my reality. I stretched out my arms as I sat on my bed, I felt him come and hug me.

-Mati- I asked, I have to make sure my ears are not deceiving me.

-It's me child, here I am- I hugged him, I hugged him as if that hug was the only thing that could keep me alive right now, I didn't want to feel helpless anymore, I didn't want to feel alone, I just wanted my sight back.

I pulled away from him. -Hey, I brought you your favorite chocolates- he said and I felt him brush my hair out of my face. I received the chocolates but once again, sadness invaded me, I couldn't see them, I touched the whole box, it was heart shaped, I searched everywhere until I found where to open it, I ate one, even food feels different when you don't see it.

I talked to Mati for a long time, I don't know how long because I don't see the clock. I unburdened myself with him, I needed to do it and he is the only person who understands me the most and the one I trust the most in this world. I tried not to cry, but sometimes I couldn't control it.

I told him everything from beginning to end, we started talking about the accident. I told him that I am very worried about my future, it is hard to think that I will not see again, I only think about my studies, I will not be able to watch movies or series, I will not know what to wear, I cannot walk calmly in the street, I cannot drive a car, when I have a boyfriend I will not be able to see him, when I have children I will not be able to see them. I feel that people are going to make fun of me, that my friends will leave me because I will be a burden to them. I feel like I am now 100% dependent on my parents and the people around me and I don't like that.

I also told him that I feel it's my fault what happened, if I hadn't yelled, the driver wouldn't have been scared and none of this would have happened.

After we talked about it, he asked me about the camp, I told him everything, mainly about Brigette. Now I partly understand her, she must have felt the same way I did, I will never see again and she will never walk again. Now I understand her pain and helplessness, but not completely because my family is still doing well.

I am completely grateful for Mati's life, I would not be who I am without him and I would not be happy without his help.

We talked some more until the doorbell rang again....