Diary of a Christian Girl

Trying to Adapt

-Good morning Emily- I hear my mom calling me, I'm going back to school today, I'm afraid of what it will be like.

It's been a few weeks since I returned home, many things have changed since then, every table or sharp object has been covered so I don't hit myself with them, everything in the house now has its own space and can't be moved from there, so I know where things are located, mainly in the bathroom and my room. I have already learned to use the support cane. For dressing, I have to learn to distinguish my clothes by texture, so far I have learned to differentiate some of my pants, my dresses and my school uniform. I have already learned to go to the bathroom and shower on my own, while I get ready, my mom helps me pick out my clothes for the day and in this case, pack my school bag.

When I leave my room, I head to the kitchen, it's an advantage that my house is one floor, so I don't have to face any stairs here. I get to the dining room, take a seat and feel with my hands the steam from the food. My mom tells me what it is, I look for the silverware on the table and, depending on what food it is, I try to eat without throwing anything on the floor or on top of me.

As I was eating I heard someone sit down on my left side.

-Hey- said a voice I hadn't heard for a long time.

-Bianca- I said without recognizing her voice very well.

-Hi sis, how have you been?-

-It's been a long time since I heard your voice! I'm glad to hear you, I'm fine, I'm trying to adapt. And how are you? How's the baby doing?-

-I'm glad you're well, I guess it's not easy, the baby is doing well, I have an appointment today to see him or her for the first time.-

-I'm very happy for you- In fact, I would have liked to see my sister a little more, to know how she feels, maybe that would have helped me to distract myself from what is happening to me, but it's the first time I talk to her since I left for the church camp.

-I came to ask for your forgiveness, I wasn't around when you were in the hospital, I didn't help you get better, I didn't accompany you when you were getting over it, it was very selfish of me to only focus on me and my mistake and not helping you- I could hear she wanted to cry, I stretched my arms for her to hug me, I know it's not easy to have the responsibility of taking care of someone else, and much worse, after her boyfriend left her when he found out about the pregnancy. When she came closer I hugged her very tightly and told her not to worry, it has been hard days for both of us, then she separated, took my hand and brought it closer to her belly, I managed to feel that it is already a little big, I really want to be an aunt....

Since Mati moved a few blocks from my house, her parents pick me up and take me every morning from school. I hear the car park in front of my house and wait for Mati to get in (he has the house keys but only uses them on these occasions).

-Hello child, are you ready to go back?-

-Not much, but I'll try.-

-You sound worried.-

-I am Mati, I'm afraid of how it will be, what if they make fun of me? What if they stay away from me? How am I going to get my place in school? I don't want to stumble or make a fool of myself in front of everyone.-

-Hey, don't worry. If someone makes fun of you, ask them how many times they've been blind. If they walk away from you, you'll have Bella and I who will never do it. To locate you in school I'll be your GPS, plus we have the same classes. I'm not going to let you trip or make a fool of yourself, and if it happens, then I'll fall with you so they can make fun of both of us, ok?-

-Ok ok, you convinced me- I said laughing.

-Are you ready to leave your majesty?- he said, I know he extended his hand so I extended mine and he took it.

-I am ready, my dear gentleman.-

We arrived at the school, although I can't see, I know that people are looking at us and I hear how they whisper among them, I just take Mati's hand tighter and trust that he will take me to the classroom. As I enter, I feel Bella hugging me.

-Gaby, you're finally back! I've missed you so much these weeks that you haven't been here.-

-I know, I missed coming too.- I felt a heavy atmosphere, as if people didn't want me to come back, as if I didn't belong here anymore. Bella noticed that I felt uncomfortable so she took me to my seat and sat next to me.

We had English class, when recess started I was feeling really bad so Mati just took me outside and I sat on the grass.

-Are you ok? You look worried.-

-I don't know Mati, I feel like I don't belong here anymore.-

-Why do you say that? Of course you belong here.-

-I don't feel well, I know people talk about me, and they are right, I am different from the others now. Besides I couldn't see what the teacher was showing on the board in the classroom, I can't take notes of the classes or see the textbooks, there is no place for someone as different as me in this school- Mati didn't know what to say, deep down he knows I'm right and that nothing can be done about it.

As we entered the classroom, the principal spoke to me and told me to go to her office.

I take a seat, for some reason I feel this is not going to go well.

-How are you Emily?-

-I'm fine, thank you.-

-We need to talk about your stay at school.- What does she mean? I'm fine at school.

-I know it may be difficult for you to adjust to school with this new condition you have, the reason is because this school is not designed for you. You see, there is an inclusive school program for people with your condition, our school doesn't have this program and that's why we can't give you the education you deserve. I already told your dad about this idea and you have already been enrolled in a school with this program... Today will be your last day at this school.