~•Talking to the moon•~

Chapter Nine

Depression.

Fourth stage of grief.

It's been a week since that day he talked to Quackity.  The day that his whole false reality broke down and crashed unto him.  The day that he had to come back inside the house with no thoughts about anything. 

He was tired. No sleep for the past few weeks didn't help him in this case and he just wanted to forget or go back in time. It was too late,  however, as he realizes that the room he was in was empty.  No Karl. No Sapnap. No one. He doesn't deserve it,  but he wanted some comfort. He wanted to apologize as well with his harsh behavior.

But right now,  he went inside his room and locked his door after he entered,  letting his body crash on the bed as he stares at the wall for a few moments.  He wanted to cry,  but he hasn't had water for the past weeks and he was dehydrated from all the running he did earlier.  He was just staring.

In a way, the wall was somehow comforting until it suddenly became boring to look at. He was so tired,  but he didn't want to sleep. His empty thoughts kept him awake and made sure he stayed awake. He would thank him thoughts,  but in this moment,  his dreams were the only way to see him one last time and with how his thoughts weren't letting him fall asleep,  it was disappointing.

Sleep wasn't going to visit him soon qnd that was prominent with how everytime he closed his eyes,  something would forcefully open them,  his own thoughts or just a sound from outside.  The whole world hated him right now and it was very much obvious to the brunet man. He may be blind when it comes to colours,  but good God.

Everything was attacking him all at once.  His thoughts,  his memories,  his emotions,  even the smallest noise outside his room.  It almost made him insane with how everything was against him at the very moment he deemed himself as vulnerable.

Does the world always attack you at your worst?  Maybe. It just hates everyone indefinitely.

'If Dream was here,  he'd most definitely say soothing words that can calm me down.' He thought to himself, his heart clenching at the fact that he missed the blonde idiot that he's usually stuck with in his whole life.

'But,  you know what?  He's not here.  He's dead because if me.' His thoughts bitterly spat out to him, clearly blaming him for everything that's happened to Dream.

'Why were you so selfish George?  He was there when you needed him,  where were you when he needed you?' The thoughts spat out again and he wasn't even remotely mad.  He accepted them and even though he was hurt,  he knew nothing could compare to the pain Dream felt.

Everyone called him a monster and he was yelling out of for help from him,  but he did nothing.  He stared at him and let his own doubts drown the cries for him.

Where really was he when his friend needed him the most? Nowhere.

Dream did everything to protect him even if it made me mad because he knew I'd understand that he was right in the future,  yet where was I to protect him when everyone was calling him names?

What happened to fighting the world together?

George really didn't know.  He was completely helpless and he just wanted to go back in time. He was tired. Emotionally and mentally.  Physically wasn't even part of his mentality right now as he forgot all physical pain. 

He was numb,  but sadly that only applies physically.

No one was around him.  He was alone. People did say you miss what you lost.  You miss what you once had.  He missed his friends.  He missed everyone that wanted to talk to him. He was just...  Far gone.

Was he turning himself into a monster?  He didn't know and he didn't want to know.

He was scared of the truth.

He always have been.  He keeps asking for closure when he can't even handle one simple truth.  His heart and mind were so different from eachother that they often clash and seperate which didn't help anything at all.

The brunet was so confused, but what can he do?  He doesn't know himself.  He can't trust himself with anything. He wasn't one to think of stuff like this.  He always locked his feelings out.

Was he really human if he's been locking all this out for a long time?

The answer was yes.  Those were mistakes that he's made and humans made mistakes.

Everyone was human inside the smp,  but that doesn't entirely mean that everyone understood each other.  Sadly,  everyone still had different thoughts about others.

If we all thought the same would everything be okay?

He knew it wouldn't be okay.  Everyone thinking the same thing would be too dull.  The new ideas that everyone has will be missed.  The creativity that each of them possess would be lost.  He shouldn't be selfish because of this.

He wanted to believe the world was stupid and mean, be childish for one moment.  Push everyone out for a few more minutes.  Act like you're a child.

But,  he wasn't a child anymore.  He's a grown up and he should start acting like it too.

Would Dream want him to grow up?

Most probably.  He wouldn't want to see me sad.

Moving on doesn't entirely mean forgetting. It just means you forget the pain that was inflicted on you in that moment and forgiving, never letting it bother you again and learning from that mistake.

Is that what he would've wanted?

George always followed after Dream as the latter always knew what he wanted to do unlike the former.  Even though he was older,  Dream was an eye opener to him. Another point of view he hasn't seen before that he welcomed whole heartedly.

Those point of views definitely changed a lot of his views and opinions on some stuff.  Both completed and changed a lot about the other. Both did a lot for the other.

Yet,  George still moped for a few more moments,  wanting to be childish for small moments that he can never retrieve again.

Growing up once more without Dream was going to be a pain.  The blond helped him a whole lot with topics and lessons.  Now that he's gone,  he's going to have to survive with those lessons he gave him instead.

George promised to Dream that he'd never forget those lessons that he'd told him.

Never.