Waiting On Your Lips |Geraskier High School AU| COMPLETED

Choke

Geralt's POV:

I sat by Jaskier's hospital bed, wondering how the hell we even got to this point. One moment we were watching Disney movies and the next I'm racing up the stairs of a random building to stop him from killing himself. I remember going to work with him yesterday and seeing the boy that had hurt my little songbird staring at him the entire time he worked. I remember watching Jask play with the cats, smiling like there wasn't a thing wrong in the world. How much had I missed? How had I missed the nights he spent awake hurting himself? How had I missed the nightmares and the constant harassment he faced? How had I missed all those skipped meals? So many questions ran through my mind, I just wondered how I had missed all the signs that were there. I chose to take some time off of both my jobs to tend to Jaskier, in hopes he'd wake up quicker if I were by his side. Nothing seemed to even faze him as he laid there peacefully. The doctors had said his body shut down and forced itself into a coma to recover from the amount of stress he was under and the amount of pills he swallowed. So far it's been a week since I caught him on the roof and saved him. I knew he would probably be angry with me for keeping him from dying. I knew he would probably spout this nonsense about how worthless and useless he is. I know he doesn't see himself the way I see him. I hate how long it took me to realize my feelings for him, too. I should've realized that the butterflies in my stomach and the squeeze in my heart when I first spoke to him meant something.

Ciri had come to visit Jask the day it happened. She had left him a note that said get well soon and told him all about her class that day, hoping she could wake him up but I think she knew it wouldn't work that way. She visited whenever she had the time but it was a little hard for her now that she had a job on top of all those weekly classes. It meant a lot that she still found time for him, though. I had to reassure her multiple times that he would wake up soon, he just needed to recover.

He didn't wake up until two months after I found him.

When he woke up it seemed like he didn't want to, like he was having the best dream of his life. It started with a small hand twitch around midnight while I was telling him about Ciri's promotion at her job. I spoke a little softer to him, trying to encourage him to open up his beautiful cornflower eyes. I missed seeing his beautiful blue eyes and hearing his sticky sweet voice like honey. My encouragements worked because after a few minutes of softly speaking to him he opened up his eyes. He glanced over to me, seemingly confused which was to be expected as he'd been asleep for two months. I pressed the button for a nurse and gently pulled him into a hug. I felt him cling to my shirt as he began to cry softly into my shoulder, whispering apologies for his actions. I just held him and told him I was just glad he was finally awake. After the nurse came in and took his vitals and wrote some things down on a clipboard it was just him and I alone again. 

I took his hand into my own and gave him a soft look. He knew what I wanted to talk about and was silent for a moment. I let him take all the time he needed, I wouldn't push him into talking to me. He needed reassurance that somebody would listen to him and wouldn't leave when he finally lays it all out. I knew that feeling too well, a feeling I had dealt with long before I met him.
"Would you feel better if I told you about my past?" I asked softly. He looked at me as if he was worried about bringing up something traumatic. I reassured him that I had already dealt with my past, I was okay talking about it.
"When I was younger my mother and I were separated. I was taken into a program meant to toughen up young boys and turn them into child soldiers. It was brutal and terrifying. I didn't know where my mother was or where I was. All I knew was that my father had put me there and disappeared. I spent most of my childhood there before I was released into the custody of a man named Vesemir. I lived with three other boys who had been trained like me and for a while we just wandered the world doing basic battle things. It was a tough time for me. I wasn't allowed to have a relationship or time to myself, I was only allowed to fight and kill whoever was on the list. I managed to get out of that when I turned fifteen and ran away to Blaviken where I went to school for a while before I accidentally hurt someone and had to move here. That's when I found Ciri who turned out to be along lost family member and I'm sure you know the story from there. All those years that I was alone I blamed myself for a lot of things. I fell into a dark place and I still have the scars to prove it." To prove my point I rolled up my sleeves and showed him the faint lines that were permanently on my skin. He teared up at the sight and traced his fingers along the old scars I had inflicted on myself so many years ago. "It can get better. You just have to tell somebody when you feel like that." He was silent for a while before wiping away his tears and taking a deep breath. I was ready for whatever he felt like letting out. It ended up being a lot.

"It started when I was really young. My dad started working later. He started coming home drunk and screaming at my mom. He started doing drugs and he would come home smelling like beer and sex. I was young but I was smart. I knew what he was doing wasn't right and he started to scare me. Sometimes...he'd throw things at me. He'd yell at me or call me names. Sometimes I would hide at the park to escape him screaming at my mom. One day those drugs bit him in the ass," he let out a dry laugh and I knew this was hard for him. He probably hasn't told anyone this before. I watched him take a breath before he continued with his story. "When you came up to me that day I was scared and I had all these doubts in my mind and they kept building up. When you asked me where I was the day that I didn't come to school...I wasn't taking care of my mom. She had already left for work before I woke up. I just felt so horrible and it was so hard to get out of bed. It was so hard to do anything in high school. I was drowning in my own self hate and the insults I got daily. I just wanted it all to stop." It was hard listening to this, knowing if I had just noticed it sooner we wouldn't be here. I could've been more persistent in walking him home or talked to him more or just helped him more when I caught him hurting himself. I could've done so much more and I didn't.

"When you started dating Yennefer it got worse. It was like my worst fears had come true and all those doubts I had were so loud. I felt like you didn't need me anymore because you got what you wanted. You got exactly what you came to me for and I was so terrified that I'd be left behind again. You're the first real friend I ever made and I didn't want to lose that. And suddenly I was losing you because she soaked up all your time. I hardly saw you anymore. Ciri started throwing herself into more classes and I was just alone entirely. I didn't have anybody to go to when the voices got louder so I made them shut up myself. When I got my new job I had somewhere to escape again. I had a place where I could just feel okay and not worry anymore. And then Colin started showing up. He stalked me every day and wouldn't leave me alone. He followed me everywhere I went and I was terrified of being alone in a place I should've felt comfortable in. That day you came into work with me was the final push. He left notes everywhere for me and I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired, so fucking tired of everything. I was ready to give up entirely. And I tried and now we're here." Jaskier was a mess right now with red, puffy eyes from crying and tangled hair. I gently wiped away some of his tears and watched as he leaned into my hand, exhausted from his rant. 

"Jas, I will always be here for you no matter what. When I found that note I was so distraught trying to find you in time. You have no idea how much I need you in my life. I promise you I will help you every step of the way if you'll just let me help you," I said softly. He sniffled and gave me a weak smile, leaning into my hand more. He was absolutely beautiful to me, no matter what his mind told him. I pulled him into a hug and felt him cling to me instantly. We stayed like that for hours probably. All I knew is that I needed this boy in my life more than anything else.