Waiting On Your Lips |Geraskier High School AU| COMPLETED

Feel Better

Jaskier's POV:

It's been two weeks since I ran out of the school after yelling at the counselor. Geralt scheduled for us to take our GED test in a few days and put Ciri in online school. Yennefer already took her GED test and passed along with Triss. I hope I can pass this test, I've been studying almost non-stop these two weeks. I haven't slept much and any meal Geralt or Ciri or even Yennefer has brought me returns to the kitchen with probably three or four small bites missing. I'm just not that hungry anymore and when I do sleep it's mostly nightmares. Geralt has seemed more interested in sucking faces with Yennefer than with my mental state. Just the other day I saw them making out in the living room on my way to throw away the food I didn't eat. His attention has drifted so far away from me that I started hurting myself again to feel something. Ever since I screamed at the counselor I've been feeling numb and lifeless and cutting myself up reminds me I'm alive and not just a lifeless toy. It's only temporary.

"Jaskier, Geralt and I are going shopping. Do you need anything?" Ciri's voice interrupts my thoughts for a moment. I shake my head in response and return to my studying, listening to her footsteps retreating and soon the front door opening and closing. I'm alone again. I'm alone. Before I realize it my breathing has become ragged and I'm slipping into a familiar mindset. Panic sets in quickly and it's hard to breathe. My limbs already start feeling like static and my vision is fuzzy. I barely register that I'm having a panic attack as I try to sort my thoughts and my breathing. In what feels like an eternity but is probably only a few minutes I manage to gain slight control of my breathing. The control slips as quickly as it was gained and it takes even longer to figure out how to calm down. I finally, finally find control and manage to calm my breathing back to its original pace. The peace lasts only a few seconds before I begin to cry silently. It takes a moment but I finally wipe the last of the tears away and I'm somewhat okay again. I look at the time and notice that probably 20 or so minutes has passed.

I decided that I needed to take a walk so I threw on a sweatshirt and jeans, not caring if anything matched but realizing I subconsciously matched a moment later. I write a note for Geralt and Ciri in case I'm not home when they come back and grab my phone and key before leaving the house. I walk aimlessly for a while, just letting my mind drift for a little. So much has happened this year that it's hard to wrap my head around it. I lost the last remaining member of my family, moved in with a guy who I've had a crush on for three years now, helped crush get his crush who definitely is not me, attempted and failed multiple times and now I'm graduating early from how heavily I'm being bullied. Life is just a big bitch.

♪♫♪

It was dark by the time I came back home, something I hadn't done in months. Geralt was cooking dinner and Ciri was in the living room with Yennefer, watching The Simpsons. I quietly made my way to my room, not bothering to make them aware of my presence other than opening the door. I got out my study materials once more and started writing down more notes. I wanted to be prepared as possible for the test, I had to be if I wanted to pass. I had already gotten so involved in my studying that I didn't hear Geralt coming in. I was only made aware of his presence when he gently tapped my shoulder.

"Jas, I think you've studied enough. You need to eat," he said softly. I pushed his hand off my shoulder and kept reading the article about GEDs I had been focused on for a bit now.

"Not hungry," I muttered softly, hoping he would just go away and let me read.

"Jaskier, you've been cooped up in here for two weeks. I haven't seen you eat more than two bites and I can't remember the last time you took a bath. You're not taking care of yourself and I'm worried," Geralt said, closing my laptop. I looked at him and sighed, knowing he wouldn't give up.

"I just..don't want to fuck this up. I've already fucked up enough things." This time Geralt sighed and he sat down next to me, pulling me into a hug. How long has it been since I spent more than two seconds with him? Has Yennefer really soaked up all of his time now? Or have I just been in my room too long? I laid my head on his shoulder and softly inhaled his woodsy scent despite not going into the woods much. Unless he goes into the woods in his spare time? I'll never know.

"You're not going to fuck this up. You're a very smart person and I have confidence in you. Now, come and eat dinner with us and relax for a bit." And I did.