Waiting On Your Lips |Geraskier High School AU| COMPLETED

My Dirty Little Secret

Jaskier's POV:

Today is possibly one of the worst days possible. I'm watching Geralt talk to Yennefer. No, not talk, he's flirting. And she's flirting back, touching his shoulder and being close to him. Part of me feels like he just told me my advice hadn't worked because he wanted me to watch them be all over each other. But Geralt seems happy so I won't interfere or bother them. I turned away from the flirting couple and quickly went to my class, not daring to look behind me and see such a heart wrenching scene.

♪♫

The day had gone by slowly, everything felt too loud and everyone felt too far away. The world seemed to be so dull and the air almost felt suffocating. I'm surprised I managed to make it through all of my classes but then, I did this nearly everyday. But when did it start to feel this bad?

I was taken from my thoughts by a tap on my shoulder, causing me to nearly elbow the person in the gut before a hand stopped me, a warm and gentle hand. I turned to see it had only been Geralt trying to get my attention. I gave him my best fake smile and apologized for nearly jabbing him in the gut which he dismissed.

"Ready to go?" he asked, not seeming to care that I almost hurt him. I nodded and followed him to his car where Ciri was already waiting by.

"Took you guys long enough! What took so long?" she asked, already hopping into the passenger seat up front. Her question went unanswered as Geralt and I got in silently and buckled up. Ciri turned on the radio and we were off to their house. The ride was filled with the soft radio and Ciri talking up a storm about her day. She had painted Geralt, played gwent with her friends and won every round, got into a fist-fight during lunch and won, evaded the principal with ease after said fight, and got a near perfect score on her last test. It was the most adventurous day for her, considering it was high school.

"What about you Jaskier? How was your day?" Ciri asked, craning her head to look at me. I just shrugged as we pulled up to the house. There was no more room left to talk as Geralt shut the car off and got out, Ciri and I following suit. Ciri immediately ran up to her room, chanting something about having to do homework before fencing practice. I went into the kitchen, hoping to find the tea from last night. I needed a reminder of my mom after feeling so dull all day and that tea was the perfect way to obtain it.

"Think you'll be okay for a few minutes? I've gotta drop her off at practice and get some things for dinner tonight," Geralt said, once again scaring me. I nearly dropped the mug I was holding when he spoke. I looked at him with mild annoyance but let it go quickly as I didn't want a dispute to start.

"I'll be fine so long as you stop scaring the living daylights out of me." Geralt gave an apologetic smile and pointed to the cabinet right above me.

"Tea's in there. I'll be in my room if you need me within the next hour." I nodded and watched him leave before opening said cabinet and pulling the tea out with a bit of struggle. Once I had the box in front of me I opened it up and the smell of chamomile and lavender hit me hard. I took my time getting the water and seeping the tea, letting the scent bring me back to before things got bad. When dad was a decent man and mom didn't work so many shifts. I relished in the memories of dancing in the living room with my mom and playing imaginary games in the backyard with my dad. I remembered the feeling of my mother hugging me close when the nightmares got bad the week after dad died. How she soothed me back to sleep and held me when the nightmares tried to come back. I let the scent bring back the calm I had missed so much for years and took a sip of the now warm tea. I stood in the kitchen drinking the tea for nearly an hour because next thing I knew Geralt was gently tapping my shoulder, careful as to not spook me this time.

"I need to take Ciri to fencing practice now. Will you be alright?" he asked, his eyes showing concern and worry. I gave him a small smile and nodded, knowing that if I said anything it would all come out- the years of longing and silence and self hate. It would all come pouring out if I even opened my mouth, so I kept it shut. Geralt didn't look convinced but left anyways, leaving me in a very big and silent house. Where are his parents at, anyways?

♪♫

When Geralt came back I was sitting on the couch, holding another mug of tea and staring blankly at the TV, not really watching whatever show was on if you looked hard enough. In reality I was going over everything bad that ever happened, something I did so frequently whenever I was alone. I was almost used to the drowning feeling that seemed to frequent my days.

"Jaskier, I'm back!" Geralt shouted, pulling me away from my own destructive mind. I realized I had put on Family Guy, or maybe it had been something else when I put it on. I don't know anymore. I got up and made my way to the kitchen where Geralt was pulling ingredients for dinner out and putting them away for right now. I set my now empty mug in the sink and glanced at Geralt. He had tied his long, white hair into a ponytail and his golden eyes were concentrated on reading a recipe from a cookbook. He was beautiful in every way possible and it saddened me to know he was never going to see me as more than a friend at best.

"I talked to Yennefer earlier today and she's coming over tomorrow night for dinner," Geralt said, once again pulling me from my thoughts.

"I have guitar club tomorrow and I'll have to check up on my house before I go to work," I said, shutting off the water and sitting down at the table. "I promise I'll be safe and you don't have to drive me anywhere. Just enjoy dinner with Yennefer tomorrow and don't worry about me." Geralt gave me a worried look and sat down across from me, cookbook forgotten.

"Jaskier, you got beat up while going home last night. Who's to say the same people won't do it again?" he asked, worry evident in his tone. "Do you really have to walk? I don't mind driving you, you're my friend and I want to keep you safe." I knew that as soon as he got Yennefer he would be singing a different tune. He only sees me as a friend right now because I'm helping him get the girl he wants.

"I'll be fine. If they're who I think they are they won't do anything again. Most people in that area only attack once and then they're gone. I've walked everywhere for a long time, I can take care of myself," I said, hoping he'll drop it and let it be. He doesn't.

♪♫

After spending twenty minutes talking about it I agree to let him pick me up from work since I get off really late and Yennefer would be gone by that point. He made me promise to text him if anything goes wrong and gave me a pocket knife to defend myself if anyone tried to gang up on me. After talking Geralt started making dinner and I went up to the room I was staying in to do homework.

I had gotten a couple hours in when Geralt texted me saying he would be back and that he had to pick up Ciri. I was alone again. I sighed softly and tried to finish my homework. The thoughts had been screaming at me all day, waiting for me to be alone to really bother me. I knew what would shut them up, even temporarily, but I couldn't do that. Not here and not to Geralt. But he probably doesn't care. Just do it already. You know you want to. You want to see the blood dripping, creating that lovely color. Just give in already. I ignored the thoughts as best I could until they finally consumed me and led me to my box, pulling out the familiar silver object stained from the last time I used it. Before I could even stop myself the damage had been done. My wrist burned and the crimson liquid slowly dripped onto my lap. I still felt numb but at least the voices, for now, had silenced themselves. All I felt was the burning in my wrist and the tears drying on my face. I hadn't realized I'd started crying. I was so caught up in what I'd done that I didn't hear the front door open or Geralt calling out. I didn't hear anything until it was too late and Geralt had already come into the room.