Waiting On Your Lips |Geraskier High School AU| COMPLETED

Hate Me

Jaskier's POV:

"Damn it, Jaskier! Why is it whenever I find myself in a pile of shit these days, it's you, shoveling it?"

"Well, that's not fair."

"The Child Surprise, the djinn, all of it! If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands."

Why do those words hurt so much? And where am I? This isn't the home I know...but I know this place? I found myself walking down the mountain on my own, without Geralt and Roach following behind like normal. Like...normal...A dream. I'm dreaming? I must be dreaming because Geralt would never...he'd never hurt me like that, would he? 

I jolt up from my bed, tears falling down my face before I can even register that I'm awake and not in a fantasy world where Geralt hurt me. I wipe the tears from my face and check my phone, glaring at the too bright clock telling me it was 3 in the morning. I sigh and decide I'm not getting any more sleep tonight after that dream and turn on my light. I walk over to my desk, hoping that writing a new song will help me relax a little. 

-4 Hours Later-

The noise of someone waking up pulls me from my current struggle of writing a song. The light footsteps sound like Ciri and for some reason she stops at my door for a moment. She doesn't knock and instead goes downstairs to the kitchen. I suppose she's just tired of me being here, too. I sigh and stand up, figuring I should probably eat something before heading to the kitchen myself. Ciri is at the table, looking through the photo album while eating some toast. I pass by her and go to the cabinet with the teas and grab a box. I don't realize which one I've grabbed until the scent hits me and wraps me in the beginnings of a panic attack. Ciri seemed to notice before me because now I'm on the couch trying to catch my breath and push back the memories that are trying so desperately to claw their way back into my mind.

"Jaskier you have to breathe. Follow me, okay?" I hear Ciri's voice and try to follow her breathing patterns but it's hard. I get it eventually though and I finally feel the buzzing start to fade. The memories still try and push their way through the fog, begging to be remembered and relived but I push them back as far as I can. I'm still not ready to tell them what happened..at least, not all of them. I know I can tell Ciri but the others...they wouldn't care now anyways. 

"Feeling any better?" Ciri's voice breaks through my train of thought and I realize she's running her fingers through my hair, the same way she did when I ran out of school. I make a small noise of affirmation but I keep holding onto her for a second, scared of losing the last person that seems to care about me anymore. "You want to tell me what happened, don't you?" I nod and she pulls me closer, if that's even possible. "Well, know this before you say anything. I will never stop caring about you Jask. You're a brother to me and I refuse to lose you anymore than I already have." But will she hate me for being so weak? Will she be angry with me for not fighting back hard enough? A person can be mad and still care. Despite these worries I spilled it all to her, the memories that have been clawing at me for months were freed. Someone knew the truth of what happened that day and it felt like some kind of weight had been lifted. Someone finally knows what he did to me and why I snapped as bad as I did.

"Jas...we have to tell Geralt." I sat up quick, a million ways it could go wrong playing through my mind in an instant. 

"I don't want him to know! Just...just not yet. He seems happy with Yen and I don't..I don't want to mess it up with my problems again." Ciri looked confused and then worried. She pulled my hands into hers and looked at me closely.

"Jas...did he take pictures?" I shook my head, knowing what was already running through her mind. He has a way to keep me quiet and if Geralt knows the truth, Colin will hurt me again. Colin did threaten to hurt me but I truly didn't want Geralt to know because it could ruin his happiness with Yennefer. 

"He threatened me but I really don't want him to know for the reason I said a moment ago. Please, let me tell him on my own time." She sighed and nodded, pulling me into a hug which I gladly returned. I really hope she doesn't say anything to him. I just want him to be happy right now.