To All the Boys I've Loved Before

To The Guy Whose Email Address from Lycos I Can Still Memorize to this Day

I met you when I was still in my first year in high school and had no idea what I was doing.
You were dark and lovely and had eyes that were so meek yet enchanting.
And I was that silly girl who wore her heart on her sleeve,
who romanticized every detail in her life.
I think I still am that silly girl a little bit
but with the pain of reality forged by fire in my soul.
Chiefly, your letters and poems made me so drawn to you and
you were an admirable artist.
I was head over heels even though you were like two years older than me.
My young, hopeless romantic self, made it even worse.
I began chasing the idea of you and all that you were.
You know how I fall for words on a paper.
I was too gullible.
I was still just a kid.
There was a line and you drew it
and I wanted more than that.
They said you flew away to another town and I never heard from you again.
But that was all a lie just so you could get rid of me forever.
It's okay.
I get it now - but not during those times.
I swear at one point
I even wished for you to step on a Lego.
Okay, it was more than one time. I'm sorry.
I started to hate myself even more at the time
and my trust issues grew even stronger.
Thanks for that.
I tore all my anime collection and your drawings and poems altogether.
Yes, I was being dramatic. I was in high school, what did you expect?
Now that I'm older, I regret it. It would've been fun to see the memories.
I'm wondering if you also got rid of all the poems I sent you
and all those letters I wrote you.
But thank you for making me realize how naive I was
for believing I would meet my true love so young.
It's funny, really.
And it might two decades too late
but thank you for breaking my heart.
I needed that.