Starting Over

Chapter 9: Jake Thomas

"So tell me about Jake." My therapist demands in the kindest way.

"We dated in high school and last year."

"But he still slept with Skylar?" She ask

"Yes. He still slept with her."

"When did that occur?"

"I don't know when it started."

"Did it ever end?"

"It did."

"When did you end the relationship with Jake?"

"March 6th."

"On Skylar's birthday?"

"Yes."

"Tell me how your day went and what led up to it."

-Flashback March 6th, 1 year ago-

"Hey, Mrs. Barnes it's Taylor. I was calling to see if you've heard from Skylar. She hasn't called me all day and we had plans for her birthday. Call me when you get a chance. Bye." I hang up after I leave the voicemail. I dial Jake's number.

He didn't answer either. I check his location and head to his frat house. Maybe he'll distract me from all the crazy thoughts in my head about my best friend. I hope she didn't get kidnapped.

Once I pull up at the frat house I knock on the door. George one of the only nicest members opens the door. "Taylor? Uh. Uh. Hi."

"Why are you being so weird. Normally you'd let me in by now. George what's going on?"

"Trust me you don't want to see it."

"See what is it Jake?"

"Yeah." He admits.

"George I think I need to see it. You're not helping my suspicions."

"What suspicions?"

"Cheating. Is he?" I knew for awhile he was cheating I just wanted to catch him in the act.

George doesn't say anything. He just steps out of the way and let's me in. That tells me a lot.

I take the path up to his room. The path I know way to well. I don't knock I just open the door.

When I do. I see it. Something I never wanted to see but needed to see. Jake is laying there naked with a girl covered in the sheets.

The more I look at this girl she's not just any girl....she's Skylar.

"Taylor!" Jake yells surprised!

"Taylor?" Skylar questions his before scanning the room for me.

Why don't I want to cry? I just found out my boyfriend and best friend have been sleeping together. Why can't the tears fall?

"Get out." I tell Skylar.

She starts picking up her clothes. I snatch her clothes out of her hands and hand them to George who's standing in the hallway. "Make these to wear she can't wear these."

I look Skylar dead in the eyes. "You can wear his clothes back to our dorm. So everyone can see what relationship and friendship you just broke up. Your car isn't out there. So go ahead and start your walk of shame." I say as I hand her Jake's jersey. So everyone can see the name on the back. Skylar takes it and walks out of the room.

"Taylor, come on. Don't you think that's messed up."

"Messed up? You know what's messed up. The fact that you just slept with someone I was close too. What else is messed up? What you did to her on New Years. I've kept your secret because we were dating. She deserves to know the truth. I should've told her the truth! But I didn't because I thought I loved you." I yell at him.

"We're done. I never want to see you again." With that I walk out of his room and the frat house.

____Present____

I called him a lot of other words. I don't feel like sharing.

"What happened on New Years?" Doctor Miller ask

"I can't say. I mentally can't bring myself to say it. I know I'm screwed up. I'll just say one thing Skylar wasn't the girl everyone thought she was."

"Care to elaborate."

"In high school she'd make straight A's be the MVP of the game. Behind closed doors she wasn't the bubbly Skylar I knew when I was a child. She would cuss and yell at her parents. She was so disrespectful to them. When we were seventeen she had this boyfriend who was twenty-one. He was a student at Kentucky. She'd sneak out to meet him. They stopped talking one night and she promised him she'd marry him when she was twenty. She was in love with him."

"Did you ever get his name?"

"No. He's probably twenty-four now. With a wife and kids. I don't know."

"Did the breakup with Jake lead you down a dark road?"

"No, I was going to get there eventually it was just a matter of time."

"What caused you to go down that path?"

"A lot of things. I don't want to talk about them."

"You're free to go them." She tells me as she starts packing up all of her things.

With Jake I always felt like things were my fault. He made me believe things were my fault. I thought it was love. Turns out it was just toxic.

With Jake I learned it's okay to walk away from things that have no meaning.

Our love had no meaning.

We weren't soulmates.

We were just each other's first.

First kiss, date, boyfriend/girlfriend, first love.

We thought we loved each other but that was a lie. We were lying to ourselves.

We just didn't know how or when to give the relationship up.

On my way back to campus. I see the guys. They're on their way to the basketball arena.

Ever since the panic attack I had in front of Loren and Chase. I've been avoiding Chase like he's a student at UK. Loren swore she wouldn't tell anyone and I trust her. I don't know why, I just do.

I told Chase somethings that very on my chest. I shouldn't have told him. I'm mad at myself for telling him that. My walls just fall apart when I'm with him and I hate that.

But I'm going to put on my brave face and be the Taylor they all think I am.

The put together Taylor. The Taylor who doesn't spill her guts or cries. I'm going to be Taylor Rae Lawson.

Taylor Rae Lawson doesn't cry. She doesn't let anyone in. Because I'm protecting others by not letting them in.

____

5/23/21

Not edited.

Posted: 5/24/21