Cowgirls Don't Cry

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - JESSE

The second Katie crossed that line, I knew something was wrong. The way Marlow fought her hands on the reins, and how she wasn't quite in sync with him clearly told me she was upset. I knew she felt bad about my rodeo ban, but I couldn't get her to understand that it wasn't her fault. She'd been pushing me further and further away since Thursday, and apologised a million times for getting me into trouble. No matter what I said, she just wouldn't accept that I was the one who chose to get involved with Tristan, that I'd made that decision and taken the fall, as I well deserved. She'd been vacant and removed all day, her sky-blue eyes empty and far-away, like she was listening to a distant conversation.

Those crucial moments in the arena, when Marlow had thrown her off, it was clear she wasn't herself. Katie could handle any horse in almost any situation, and she'd kept her seat through bucking and shying horses a million times before. Seeing her lying unconscious on the sandy arena floor, the paramedics attending to her injuries, I'd had to leave the bleachers, get away from the fuss and concern of the crowds.

It was my fault. I knew she was being bullied, that she'd been teased and shoved for no apparent reason, and yet I'd agreed to keep it silent. I'd essentially signed her mental health away, and I should have known the price would have to be paid. If I'd just told someone about her situation, if I'd convinced her to accept help, then she wouldn't be on her way to the hospital right now.

I paced the yards behind the arena, worried and guilt-ridden, as Kit led a nervous Marlow out of the gateway.

"Take him back and check him over, will you?" he asked, passing me the reins and running a hand down Marlow's neck. "Don't worry about Katie, she'll be okay. Just a nasty concussion and maybe a broken wrist at worst,"

I nodded. I'd seen far worse, and taken many a bad fall myself, but I felt oddly protective of and responsible for Katie. I was the only other person who knew about her situation, and this accident was clearly the fallout of what had happened on Thursday. I should've looked after her better, should've told someone.

I sighed, and led Marlow back to the trailer, where Katie's dad's old gelding was tied up. Quincy nickered into the twilight as I walked Marlow out, assessing his gait for injury. Finding none, I tied him up beside Quincy and pulled his saddle off. The little bay gelding's sides were slick with foam, and I figured he'd been worked up over Katie's emotions, reading her like a book as she rode him out. I rubbed him down and checked him over again, filling a fresh haynet to keep him occupied. As I ran my hands down his legs, checking for swelling or soreness, Mr Morgan appeared beside me.

"Thanks, Jess," he smiled, and I nodded. "She'll be alright - Sara's with her at the hospital now. What I can't understand is why it happened. It's not like Katie to run with Marlow in such a state, and she seemed fairly distracted as well,"

"Yeah, she looked upset before the ride," I replied carefully.

I wanted so badly to tell him that Katie wasn't just upset, she was distraught, and that those awful kids at school had been bullying her. I wanted to tell him about Tristan's messed-up conscience and how he'd had a go at Katie after school on Thursday. About the glares and comments and the sleepless nights I knew Katie had been suffering through. I wanted to share her burden, to find her help and bring that funny, tough, amazing girl back to life, but the words choked in my throat.

I remember her voice, broken and soft, as she'd sworn me to secrecy. I'd promised, and she trusted me. I couldn't break that. My loyalties were torn, the knot in my chest tightening as I weighed up my options. I couldn't let her down. I just couldn't. But which way did that take me?

I stayed quiet, and listened as Jimmy Morgan spoke, asking me if I knew of anything going on with Katie. I forced myself to lie, playing ignorant, and pretend I knew nothing. It hurt, but just then, the right path was so heavily concealed I couldn't have taken it if I tried.