Cowgirls Don't Cry

CHAPTER NINETEEN - KATIE

"Ready to go, sweetheart? The bus'll be here soon," Momma appeared in my door frame, and I nodded silently. She was worried about me, I could tell, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her anything, not just yet, anyway.

I hadn't seen Jesse since he visited me in hospital on Sunday, since Momma had kept me home from school for the first half of the week. I was glad for the break, though I couldn't help but wonder how many notes would be piled up waiting for me when I returned.

I stared at myself critically in the mirror, assessing my clothes, hair, figure and recent injuries. I had on a pair of faded denim shorts and an unremarkable sweater, complete with a pair of Converse shoes. I'd left my boots on the farm, as advised, and had opted for the safer option of conventional school shoes.

My hair was tucked into a messy bun, as I was too tired and dull to deal with it properly, and even as I watched, more curly strands fell out to frame the face I was so tired of seeing and belonging to. Who cared, anyway? They'd find something to comment on no matter how I dressed. Sighing, I grabbed my bag and jogged downstairs.

"Sure you're okay to go today, hon?" Momma asked, watching me worriedly as I pulled open the door. "Your wrist isn't hurting? Are you worried about an assignment or something?"

"I'm fine, Momma," I forced a smile, and she returned it disbelievingly. She hadn't been this worried about me for ages, and I hated seeing her so worked up over me. Yet another person I'd managed to drag into the Katie Morgan mess.

I waved her goodbye and began the trek up our driveway, as Georgia sprinted past me, his beloved football cards held tight in his hand as he ran. Momma waved from the porch as we made our way up the driveway, before disappearing inside to finish the housework.

I walked slowly, my head throbbing, though I wasn't sure if it was the fall or the anxiety causing my headache. I'd been told my concussion was mild, and that I should be able to get back in the saddle in a week, which left only five days before the big state rodeo at the end of next week.

I'd been out to see Marlow almost every afternoon, and he seemed okay after the accident, but a week's rest would do him good as well. Besides, I was sure he'd get enough exercise running around with Summer, Momma's horse, in the front paddock while he wasn't being ridden.

The bus rolled to a stop at the end of our driveway, and I followed an excitable Georgie on board, returning the bus driver's warm smile as she let us onboard.

"Morning, lovelies," she called, closing the doors behind us as I made my way up the aisle, and glancing back in the rear-view mirror as she did so. "Joey, love, leave your brother alone, he's trying to do his homework!"

"It's his fault he left it too late!" Joey grumbled, but he obeyed without further complaint. The bus driver, Loretta Mayers, was a real nice older woman, a decades-committed member of our local Baptist church, and she'd known us all pretty much since we were born. As such, we never liked to argue with her, half out of respect and half out of affection for the older lady.

I forced a smile in Mrs Mayers' general direction as I trudged up the aisle, keeping my head down to avoid meeting Jesse or anyone else's eyes. Slipping into an empty seat a few rows away from Jesse, I slid down on the cool red vinyl and lay on my back, knees up, as I stared up out of the window. Overcast blue skies hung over the golden wheat and tobacco fields, the smokey grey-blue hue a sharp reminder of Jesse's eyes, though the cloudy day betrayed no emotion, a relief after days of seeing the hurt and pleading expression reflected every time I looked at him.

I managed to avoid Jesse the whole ride to school, walking off ahead of him even as we disembarked. I couldn't bear to turn around, to meet his gaze and see the hurt in his expression, so I kept my head down and lost him in the crowds of the school hall as I hurried to my locker, feeling sick with dread.