not The Perfect Life

First Day of School

Chapter 3

Monday, 3rd of September 2018

First day of school

Everything is dark out here. I can barely see anything. It is too blurry. I have no clue where I'm at right now. It becomes extremely loud. I can clearly hear gun shots. Slowly the picture becomes clearer and clearer. I am standing on a field.  All around me is the empty space, as if I were in a desert. Even though I can now see and hear everything I still have no idea where I am.

"Hello?!", I shout fearfully, "Is there anybody?! Hello?" Nobody seems to hear me. I can see something from a distance. There is someone. The gun shots won't stop. In fact, they get way louder. I cover my ears very tightly, but I can still hear them just as loud. The person in front of me becomes clearer. It's my dad. He just stands there and smiles at me. "Dad! Dad!", I yell over to him, "Please, come back!" He doesn't respond. It is as if he cannot see me. I keep trying and screaming my lungs out. Nothing happens. Dad doesn'thear me. Then there is another shot and ..

I open my eyes. It takes a few moments to realize the situation around me. I am laying in my bed. Everything is covered in sweat.  A few rays of sunshine shine through my window on my face. It's the next morning and I just had another nightmare. I've had them a lot lately. Mostly they are about my father. Every day I wonder how he's doing in Djibouti. What he experienced and when I will see him again. I pick up my cell phone and check my watch. It's almost 6 o'clock. So I can get up anyway.

I sit up and throw the blanket off my body. Then I blink a few times and wake up completely. My mother is certainly still asleep. I slowly get up and go to my closet. A large mirror hangs in the door of the closet. It basically takes up the entire cabinet door. I look at myself in the mirror. I stand there in gray fabric underwear and look at myself from the bottom up. My hair looks terrible. Usually they are what I love the most. Otherwise they are nice and smooth and shiny. I am particularly proud of my long, blonde, golden hair. I look in my closet and pick out some clothes. My style of clothing is totally unremarkable. A pair of jeans, a shirt and a jacket. No special brands. Just very basic.

After I've showered and got ready, I go to the kitchen. My mom is sitting at the dining table. She looks awful. She sits there, completely weeping in old clothes, staring holes in the air.  Sighing, I run to her and nag: "Mommy, please, you can't do this again." She just groans in annoyance. "Mom, please go to work today. You already called in sick yesterday." She just moans again. "Mom, please promise me you'll go. Please, Mom:" This time she nods. I know for sure that she is serious. She would never promise me anything and then not keep it. Actually, my mother is also a good mother and I am not angry with her if she has one of her phases. It's not her fault, and I keep seeing how much she misses my dad.  Aboveall, she is very afraid that something could happen to Dad and that he would never see his new child. Of course it also burdens me a lot,but I don't want to let it rule my life. I go to the fridge and just take an iced coffee out of it. I never eat at home in the morning. Ionly have one coffee at a time and leave the house immediately afterwards.

I arrive at school at about half past 7. Lots of students are already here. I walk straight to my locker and open it. In there I store all my school books. Besides my school tablet I usually don't need any of that stuff at home anyways. Suddenly someone knocks at the door of my locker while my whole head is basically sticking in the locker. I pull away and check who is standing there. It's Galen.

"Hey.", I great him a little listlessly.

"Hey..ehm..Olivia, right?", he asks. I just nod. "I was supposed to come to you because of this profile things shit stu.."

"Ehm..yeah, no, I got a mail. We're not doing that profile thing anymore. Not my decision. All the ones I already made I can stick up my ass now. The football team gets more pages in the year book.", I nag in a very bad mood. Today is just not my day.

"Oh, okay..I didn't mean to bother.", Galen says fast and immediately wants to walk away. He takes a few big steps away from me.

"No, wait.", I call restlessly. He turns around and just looks at me. I sigh, close my locker door, and walk over to him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to moan like that. The day is just already full of shit."

"It's okay.", He smiles, "To be honest, I didn't feel like this profile anyway." I smile and look at the floor. He points to my arm and laughs: "You still have my bandage." I look at my arm. "No, it's new. I took a shower. But without you I wouldn't have done one anyway." There is an uncomfortable silence. Nobody knows what to say next. We just stare at each other and sometimes at the ground. Many students pass by around us. During this silence, I turn my mind to Galen. He's dressed as well as he was yesterday. It is even equipped with a tie. He must come from a good and rich family. Otherwise only the Sanchez look like that and these kids are absolutely arrogant assholes. But something is different about Galen. I can't quite tell what it is, but he doesn't seem quite as shitty as the rest of this damn school. Finally I break this silence and ask with mock curiosity: "Um, what kind of subjects do you have? Maybe we have some together and I ... could maybe help you a little?" He opens his school bag and rummages in it. Now I really notice the bag. Galen has a leather shoulder bag. It doesn't look quite as rancid as my backpack. He takes a sheet out of this pocket and pushes it into my hand. His schedule is shown on it.

I read everything through while Galen just looks at me questioningly.

"Yes. We have a few subjects together. Now I see anatomy, Spanish and math here and we have lunch break together. I can show you the way."I give him the plan back and he puts his sheet back in his pocket.

"Who are ...you know .. the right people?" He asks nervously.

"Um.." I start to stutter, "Well .. it .. I'm .. embarrassed, but I don't know because ... I don't really have friends here because..."

I can feel my head turning red and the situation becoming more and more uncomfortable for me, as Galen is also looking at me very expectantly. I panic and just rattle off a spontaneous, stuttering answer: "Because .. I have no idea .. m .. me .. I'm not really liked by that many, I think. Well, I w ... am not being bullied or anything, but .. but .. oh, man, I don't really have friends. I always eat alone and do my projects alone, but I..i..i..I really haven't done anything to them. I'm not like that but also not to say that I cannot forgive people if they screw up, from .. from .. from.. but well, I .. "

After my embarrassing monologue, Galen finally interrupts me. He puts his hands on my shoulders, stares into my face and replies: "Hey, it's okay. I didn't mean to cause a heart attack. I can hold onto you." Then he just turns around and walks away. At the moment I don't have a clue about what I was talking about. Maybe I suddenly found a new friend. I am actually not the kind of person who speaks to and approaches others. That's why I've never had that many friends. Maybe this is the beginning of something.