Worse for Hope- Book #2 in the WF Series

Chapter 4: One Step Ahead

✿Bethane's POV:✿

Monday, October 2

I've been sitting here for hours I believe and still have said nothing. Not a word has been uttered. I've just been staring.

What would she have said?

I recall the words my therapist told me to ask myself so that I could feel closer to her. I never actually did any of the practices, but I remember them.

I close my eyes as tears prickle in them because just seeing the image of her makes my heart break more. Her short, straightened black hair and always well-done eyeliner which I would beg her to teach me, but she would just reply with 'It's my gift, I'm not letting you steal it' is played repeatedly behind my shut eyelids.

I finally get the guts to look.

I finally get the courage to look at the gravestone.

Alexandria Elizabeth Johnson

Everything is quiet and that's what hurts the most. She made every waking instant of mine the loudest and most exhilarating moment you could ever think of, and now there's just silence.

I don't like the quiet for no reason. I like it because when the world stops talking, I can imagine the one person who made my life joyful even when I was in the worst mood ever sitting next to me. I can feel that missing part return and I don't want it to leave, even if it isn't real.

"Today was the first day at my new school," I imagine her asking me how my day was as I sniff and speak in a low voice. "There was this really hot guy. But then I saw he had a girlfriend and remembered how you would always tell me that 'Another person's dildo is not yours, so never touch it unless you want an STD'," I laugh as I remember her telling me those exact words at the ripe age of fourteen, though the happiness doesn't last very long as another cry comes out again.

"My parents have become even more smothering than before, and you know that's a big deal. My mom also told me that if I were to ever "accidentally drink", all I would have to do is call her and she wouldn't be angry," I put in quotation marks just like my mom did.

I see Alex laughing excitedly as I tell her that piece of news since she was always trying to get me and her to drink and go to parties all the time. I did it with her a couple of times, but only a couple of sips here and there because I had watched one too many shows where the girl did something embarrassing while drunk and I really didn't want to join that club. Alex definitely did love to drink, but that was only because she was the same Alex when she had alcohol in her system than when she didn't.

I'm never going to see any versions of her again.

"I can't do this without you." I finally break when that thought hits me, shaking my head with tears freely falling because this grave is basically all I have left of her.

"We were supposed to walk down that stage and graduate together," I cry. "We were supposed to go to prom and make dumb mistakes that we would laugh about later. You promised-," my voice cracks at the end. "You promised that you would always be here for me."

"Please just come back," I beg with everything left in me. "Please just come back and make fun of the way I say things, or watch a movie that we've already seen a million times just please... come back. I promise that I'll never let you out of my sight and won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise I'll pay more attention," I make empty promises that I know I won't be able to carry out now.