Lion's Heart ~ Jegulus

dreams

Regulus POV:

After I left his room, I decided it was time to go to sleep. I mean sure I was sad, pissed, upset, wanting to rip his fucking throat out. But I do wish him the best. Our life wasn't great, sure, our parents are a bit crazy and irrational but they want what's best for us and if Sirius is too stupid enough to see it, it's his fault. Now, no matter how much I wanted to scream and cry and fall asleep in his bed, remembering the times we were kids and I used to go to him when I had a nightmare, I didn't.

I wasn't about to cry like a little kid at him gone, and if mother saw me she'd probably slap me and say her always famous quote,
"Blacks don't cry."
Which is true. I've never seen any of my family members show any actual emotion that wasn't disgust.

Shit. It was 3 am by the time I was finished with my ever so happy thoughts of my perfect, healthy, and in absolutely no need of therapy family, that I went to sleep.

Pain. Pain. More pain. That's what I feel. I'm walking down a hallway even though every bit of my body is forcing me not to. I have to though, curiosity winning over every time.  I walk. And walk. When I thought this hallway was endless I came to a stop. I can't see shit, it's dark. I look down and I realize I'm in a room now. Which seems oddly familiar. Like something from my childhood. It's a nice room, dark walls, desk filled with different papers and letters. I keep walking around touching items in the room. Trying to figure where I'm at and why it's so familiar. I'm not an idiot. I know this might mean something. I walk around and then behind the desk I notice someone. Laying on the ground. Not moving. I begin to panic. Fuck. I start to hyperventilate. I feel dizzy, feeling like a panic attack is setting over me. I recognized this body. My uncle Alphard. I cant move. I'm paralyzed. In shock. I don't know what I would do even if I could move. I close my eyes trying to wake up. Doing so a couple tears I didn't even know I had fall out. I remember old memories, the beach, the cozy rooms, his crazy stories. Sirius and me running in his backyard. Please don't be dead. Please. I open my eyes and notice that the room is starting to change. I'm now in a dark cave. I hate the dark so fucking much. Like I can never see anything and I feel so vulnerable. I'm walking around the cave when suddenly I slip into a deep ocean. I try to swim up but I can't. I keep grasping for air when my head goes up for a few seconds, trying to appreciate the little air that comes in my lungs. I keep trying to go up but after a while my body is in so much pain I can't keep trying. My head feel like it's exploding and I can't see. I keep trying not to let water in no matter how much it hurts. I'm choking back sobs, not wanting to let the water in. After what feels like hours of just pain and my lungs feeling like they're burning I see nothing but darkness.

I wake up gasping for air, sweating. I'm shaking and my lungs are burning. I cant see anything my visions blurry from the tears in my eyes. There's also tears running down my face. I keep breathing deep breaths until the feeling of drowning and suffocation is gone. My head still feels like exploding but nothing compared like before. I keep seeing my uncle's dead body. My eyes still glossy, my face with dried tears.

How sleep came to me is honestly a mystery.

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So I didn't know what else to write and honestly I'm just writing as I go without a plan. It's 4 am and I probably will be embarrassed by this tomorrow when I'm actually awake and registering what I'm thinking, but for now it's fine even if I'm not happy with it. So yeah. Again please feel free to correct me on any misspellings :)