Withering Agony

Paralyzed

Tw: shooting, death
[Elio]

My whole body feels numb.

The only thing I remember from last night was ending the only good thing I had going on in my life.

Breaking up with her, and watching how hurt she looked was like watching my mom die in front of me again. Only this time, I didn't cry, I didn't feel sadness; I just felt vacant, which was much worse.

Well, I didn't feel completely vacant last night for obvious reasons.

She brought me joy, and I can't even protect her. I'm weak for that.

At least now I can now say that I wasn't always a miserable person, and that at one point in my life I was lucky enough to find my Special Person. My Penguin, If you will. Although we weren't together for a very long time, our time together was precious, to me.

She will always hold a special place in my now hollow heart. Now I have nothing to look forward to. I have to marry someone who doesn't even know anything about me besides the things they can easily look up on the internet. Love is futile when it's coercion that brings two people together and not fate.

Was it fate that brought she and I together? Perhaps. All I know is that I didn't feel pressured to love her, I just did, and I still do.

Camila opened my door slowly, I could tell it was her. "Um, dinner's ready."

"I'm not hungry," I replied.

"Well, will you eat later?" she asked.

I continued to stare out my window, hoping that if ignore her, she'll leave.

"Okay," she muttered and closed the door.
~
I could stay in Antelope Valley all day with her.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you, too,"she returned.

"You know I'd never let anything happen to you," I promised,"right?"

She giggled. "You just broke your promise."

"'Scuse me?"

She pointed behind me nonchalantly. I turned around, and there he was, Salvatore, holding a gun pointed at me. Panicked, I turned back around to shield her. But it was too late.

There, on the poppies, laid her lifeless body. Her dress that was once lavender is now maroon. I used my blazer to cover the wound that was hard to find considering blood was coming from everywhere.

"No, no, no, please, don't do this," I pleaded.

I've failed her.

"Please, don't fucking leave me!" I wailed.

Everything around me became dull; the sky, the poppies, even her. Like a grey tint.

Luckily, my eyes opened quickly.