It was about 15 minutes till New year's, I left their house about an hour ago saying I was sick. Here I am, little old me, half way to Liverpool by River Mersey. Alone, cigarette in one hand, head in the other.
I needed a fucking break, its work, school, shows, flights, mental illnesses, cigarette, restart. Every day feels like a test, will she make it through today? It's like I'm on some sick fucking game show.
I feel my phone buzzing but that must be everyone checking whether I'm ok, I'm not. It's confusing, we will all eventually unravel, only time will tell. I don't know how to go back to my aunt's, I don't want to see anyone anymore.
My manager is messaging me about shows, my school is emailing me, Harry is calling, Gemma is calling, Jen is calling, Mara is texting me, and my manager just posted a picture of something or other, my phone is blowing up.
I threw it into the river, phone gone, problems gone for a night.
Happy new year to me!
...
January 1st, 2013
It is 9am and I'm playing the grand piano at my apartment in Liverpool. I love playing in the morning, it was my safe space. I was currently playing Clair de Lune, one of my favourite pieces.
What a way to start the first day of the year I thought, I was still in my pyjamas, the fire was on at the fireplace, my cuppa was in front of me. I loved where I placed the piano too.
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My mind was blank when I played the piano, no anxiety, no sadness, no thoughts. It was the only thing left that consistently distracted me from my thoughts. I loved the way it could be so beautiful, but it could sound like whatever you were feeling. A piano reflects your emotion, if you're sad, you can hear it, if you're angry you can hear it. It is a transparent instrument.
I loved when I came up with tunes for my songs on the piano, I loved to play the piano when I was younger too. I could go on for days with how many things I enjoy about playing.
I finished the song and got my notebook out. I had just thought of some lyrics, I'm currently writing for my second album. I have finished 2 songs and I needed to be done with all of them by June.
Music was always a big thing in our family. Even though my father was a busy man, he always made time to play the piano. He played several instruments, like; the bagpipe, drums, violin, cello, trumpet and more. My mum too, she was always singing or playing one of the many instruments she knew how to.
Naturally I grew up leaning how to play many instruments as well and I adored it. My family never forced me to go into it, I just wanted to. That's how I got to where I am today, having a number 1 album and writing the second one.
I hadn't planned a tour because I was planning on going to college first but I have done many shows. I never used my first or last name in any of my work, it was always Lynn. My fans have missed me a lot for the time I wasn't here so my manager and I have been discussing holding off college and doing the tour first which I might.
One of the reasons I loved going to Malaysia is because there I could do whatever I wanted without worrying about having the paparazzi on me 24/7. I need to find a cottage in the middle of nowhere and have some silence for a few years.
I loved the emptiness, the silence of the house. Sleek minimalistic furniture surrounding me. Glass of wine in-front of me, I need a few days away from everyone, I can't even tell my aunt I'm here.
I have many apartments everywhere, they work for good real estate and escapes. This is one of my first disappearances in a while. I need it.
