Can't say how the days will unfold
Can't change what the future may hold
But I want you in it
Every hour, every minute
“You have to calm down, Kerren. You have to calm down.” I am literally talking out loud and I don't seem to mind if someone hears me.
I am currently working on a holiday. Paskong-pasko pero nandito ako sa kasal ng kapatid ng boss ko. Which is better than snuggling on my bed because I don't have someone to spend Christmas with.
“Ang lungkot talaga ng buhay mo, self. Ni wala kang kasamang pamilya ngayong Pasko.”
This world can race by far too fast
Hard to see while it's all flying past
But it's clear now
When you're standing here now
I am meant to be wherever you are next to me
I looked at the man on the makeshift stage. God! He's so perfect. May flaws ba ang lalaking ito? I let myself be drowned out with his voice. It was soothing. It feels like home.
“Maganda ang boses ni Xavi but I like your voice more.” unknowingly, I say it out loud. Again. Kaya napahawak na lang ako sa bibig ko nang marinig ko ang mga impit na tawa sa likuran ko. “Sir Xavi. Sir Dax. Sir Arrow!”
“Don't worry, Kerren. I am not offended.” sabi ni Xavi sabay tapik sa balikat ko. Pakiramdam ko gusto ko na lumubog sa kahihiyan. Literal na nanliliit na nga ako sa taas nila. Nakakapangliit pa 'yong kahihiyan na sinabi ko.
Pahamak talaga itong bibig ko madalas.
“But I agree with you, Kerren. There's something about Sean's voice. Totoo namang magaling si Xavi but Sean's voice, may kakaiba akong nararamdaman sa pagkanta niya. Hindi ko maisip kung ano.” tinuturo pa ni Dax ang kaibigan sa harap bago inilapat ang daliri ng pasalubong sa baba nito na parang nag-iisip.
All I want to do
Is come running home to you
Come running home to you
And all my life I promise to
Keep running home to you
Keep running home to you
“Home.” sabay-sabay kaming napatingin sa nagsalitang si Arrow. Tinanong ni Xavi kung may sinabi ito at inulit lang nito iyon. Naiinip na tumikhim ang papalapit na si Gray na nakaakbay sa kasamang si Hans.
“Kanina pa namin hinihintay ni Sebby 'yong sasabihin mo. Ang tagal naman.”
“He sounds like your mother's lullaby—”
“Boses nanay si Sean?” inosenteng tanong ni Hans. Nagpipigil akong tumawa ng makita kong masama ang tingin ni Arrow sa kanila. Siguro ang saya kasama ng mga 'to sa outing. Puro kalokohan kasi puro loko-loko.
And I could see it
Right from the start
Right from the start
That you would be
Be my light in the dark
Light in the dark
Oh, you gave me no other choice
But to love you
“Sean sings like how your mother put you to sleep when you were a child. The calmness, the ease, the warmth.”
“'Yong mga nararamdaman mo kapag nasa bahay ka?” tanong ni Sebby.
“Yes.”
“'Yong pakiramdam ng pwet mo sa inodoro sa banyo niyo. Ganoong klase ng pakiramdam?” lahat sila ay napatingin sa akin. Agad akong napayuko ng maintindihan ko kung ano ang sinabi ko. Bwisit na bibig talaga ito. Kung ano-ano talagang binubuga, ipinapahamak talaga ako.
“Yes, Kerren.” nakangiting sagot sa akin ni Arrow. Lalo akong napapahiya. “Hilarious choice of words but yes, you got it right. The description is precise.”
“In fairness naman, tama si Kerren. Namamahay nga naman lagi ang pwet natin.”
All I want to do
Is come running home to you
Come running home to you
And all my life I promise to
Keep running home to you
Keep running home
Home to you
Dahan dahan kong iniiwas sa kanila ang tingin ko at binalikan ng tingin si Sean. Damn, he's looking at me!
Be still, my heart. Baka 'yong mga kaibigan niya talaga ang tinitignan niya.
But my heart beats faster when he continued singing while directly looking at my eyes. He's like eye-fucking with me and I am enjoying it. God! Patawarin niyo ko. I am turning into a sinner.
Can't say how the days will unfold
Can't change what the future may hold
But I want you in it
Every hour, every minute
Sean swiftly returns the mic and the next thing I knew, he was already standing in front of me.
“Hi!” God, bakit ang bango niya?
“Hey...” I answered sheepishly. “great voice.”
“Thanks. May I have this dance?” naghiyawan ang mga kaibigan niya sa likuran ko.
Shit! Nandito nga lang pala sila sa likod ko. Good job, Kerren! You are spacing out. Get a hold of yourself. Lalaki lang 'yan.
“Mabango at gwapong lalaki—” I heard a chorus of Oh's. Shit! Did I say it out loud again? “yes, you may.”
Instead of taking me in the middle of the dancefloor, he took me out. Walang nagsasalita sa amin. Magsasalita na sana ako para basagin 'yong awkwardness ng mapatingin ako sa magkahugpong na kamay namin.
“I stroll around earlier habang kumakanta si Xavi. I promised a song to Dax and I don't know if I can sing. Hindi naman kasi ako katulad ni Xavi. He can do everything. The Jack of all Trades. They want me to do one set, pero sabi ko isang kanta na lang. I hope you like the song. I was actually thinking about you while I am singing.”
Kulang ang salitang dumbfounded sa narinig ko. Pakiramdam ko tinakasan ako ng kaluluwa ko. I cannot feel my body, parang biglang namanhid ang buong katawan ko. I cannot find the courage to speak kahit pa napakadaldal ko talaga. Ang tumatakbo lang sa isip ko sa mga oras na 'to ay... “Are you confessing your feelings?”
He smiled. He fucking smiled and I know that I will do everything to have that million dollar smile only for myself. “What do you think?”
“Ayaw kong isipin na makapal ang mukha ko but do you like me?”
