I thought I'll be fine after breaking up with you. I became a workaholic after three weeks pa lang because I wanna breakdown and cry in the middle of the day, in front of everyone, tuwing naiisip kita. Day and night, I'm trying and fighting myself to forget you. Sinubsob ko ang sarili ko sa trabaho. I tried talking to different guys. I tried three dating apps. Pero lahat walang kinapuntahan. Kahit isa sa kanila walang nakakuha ng atensyon ko. Kahit isa sa kanila walang pumantay man lang sayo.
I wanted to regret the decision I made three months ago. Letting you go is the worst decision I have ever made and I am too coward to admit that kaya pinanindigan ko na lang. I tried so hard to replace you, salbag. Pero kahit anong gawin ko ikaw pa rin talaga. Ikaw pa rin talaga ang gusto ko.
Making this letter on the 1st day of September is the most painful thing to do. Simula na ng Ber Months. Simula na ng panahon ng kapaskuhan. Simula na ng panahon na lahat ng tao ang nag-aabang. Panahon ng pagmamahalan, panahon ng pagbibigayan, panahon ng kapatawaran. We started us on Christmas day, have to end this now... End it kahit Christmas season. I just hope that I can still feel the spirit of the season after this. While writing this, I feel so numb. In pain, in sadness, in regrets... I don't know. All I know is that I still love you. And I don't think I will love any other man apart from you.
All I want for Christmas is you. Kaso hindi ka na sa akin. Sana maging masaya kayong dalawa. I will be happy for you as well. Someday, I can look at you with so much happiness. I can still find and I will find my own happiness. Without you in it.
Ay ayaten ka met sika salbag ka.
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