Faith in Us

prequel

The dim moonlight shone through Robert's slightly parted curtains; casting shadows upon every object in the room.

Robert's room was a mess, as per usual. There were clothes strewn about the floor, trash sitting all over Robert's desk and not to mention the amount of dust in the room was unimaginable. It was like no one had been in the room for months; it had been left exactly the way it was the morning Robert left for tour.

The silence was heavy, and as the soft tik-toks rang from the clock; the room seemed hauntingly calm. The time was 3:45, late into the night- however even as the calm night droned on, things would not stay calm for very long.

Hushed whispers could be heard from the kitchen, where Robert's mother sat by the kitchen table with coffee in hands and a worried look on her face. "Oh I hope he's alright Alex... I've never heard him so- so broken" Rita said, gazing at her husband with glossy tears in her eyes.

Alex, Robert's father, only sighed in response. "I don't know Rita... i- i was never good with Robert.. The kid, he's so empathetic... I worry about him," Alex said, taking a drag from his cigarette before shaking his head. "I just don't know how to get through to him." Alex sighed, moving to sit next to his wife.

Rita sighed, checking the time once more before suddenly the front door opened. Robert had finally arrived home after 6 long months of being away. Robert hadn't called anyone after he left for tour; and people were starting to get really worried.

Rita stood up in an instant, knowing that it was Robert who had entered the house. Rita placed her coffee onto the table before hugging her borer tightly around her bosom; as if that would serve some form of protection or comfort as she finally confronted her son. Rita stepped away from the table, knowing that Alex was right on her heels.

As Rita quickly entered the living room, she was shocked to see that Robert was still standing by the door. Waiting for them. Rita let out a shaky breath when she saw the sight of her son, so malnourished, so tired...

It was like looking at the walking dead.

Rita covered her mouth, completely at a loss of words. Rita stood still, watching as Robert slowly lifted his head; his dull blue eyes landing on her. His gaze sent terrified shivers down her spine, and almost immediately tears began to run down her face. "M-mum.." Robert said, voice trembling from exhaustion- both physical and emotional. Robert's bottom lip trembled, and as he saw the heart broken tears running down his mother's face; he too started to cry.

"Oh... oh- my baby" Rita sobbed, running forward and wrapping her arms around Robert's trembling body. In an instant Robert crumbled in her arms, heart broken sobs wracking his body as he simply laid in his mother's arms. This was the first form of comfort he had felt in months; it felt so fucking amazing.

Rita held Robert up, hugging him tightly as if he would fall apart in her arms if she were to loosen her grip. "Oh Robert... I was so worried," Rita whimpered, petting Robert's messy hair. Alex, who was watching from a distance as well, teared up himself; however in the very typical manly way he kept it well hidden.

"Oh mum... I'm so tired.." Robert croaked, hiccuping as he whipped his face on his mother's shirt. "It's alright darling... I've got you, mother can make it better" Rita soothed, bringing Robert over to the couch and sitting him down.

Robert leaned against his mother, his breaths coming out in shaky huffs as he tried desperately to calm down- so he wouldn't' cause his mother any more trouble. "Won't you tell me what happened Robert?" Rita asked, gazing at her broken son's face, searching for some kind of explanation. "I-i.." Robert started, but the words caught in his throat.

How was he supposed to tell his mother everything that had happened. All the drugs, the random sex with women, sleeping with men- the moments of psychosis that plagued Robert's brain that caused him to act rashly. The sexual assault, Simon...

How was he supposed to come clean when he himself was no longer clean.

Robert closed his eyes, weakly shaking his head. "I-i can't..." Robert whispered hoarsely. "P-please understand... i cant speak of it... not now.." Robert said, hands trembling. Rita had a pleading look on her face, silently begging Robert to speak more but Robert simply could not bring himself to spit the vile words out.

She didn't deserve to have such a vile, disgusting person like him as her son.

"I-I'm s-sorry.." Robert whispered one more time, closing his eyes once more; unable to meet the pleading gaze of his mother. Robert was glad to be home, because now at least he was able to be alone. That's what he needed, to be alone.

Robert sniffed and whipped his face, feeling like he would fall asleep right there. Robert suddenly thought of the first time he met Simon at Matthew's party. They were both so drunk, Robert couldn't help but laugh bitterly as he remembered talking to Simon in the quiet dark bedroom. If Robert had known things would end like this, he would have never left his room because now Robert felt as though he would never ever be able to look at himself in the mirror again and feel alright.

Robert felt ruined, unclean. Robert knew he would never be clean again; he would just have to learn to live with that.