Faith in Us

7.

Robert picked at his nails, sitting in his dressing room all alone. The last few days had passed in a blur- and now it was time for the last show. Robert felt like a weight was crushing his lungs- everything had been so tense between the band. Robert had completely started avoiding Simon after what happened between them.

Robert felt... a little bit guilty for what he had said- however he had already made it known before Simon came to his room that he wanted nothing to do with Simon. Robert ran a hand through his hair, taking in a slow breath. After tonight, Robert would get on the tour bus and be dropped off at his house. The last show was only about 45 minutes away from his home, so thankfully Robert didn't need to catch a flight.

Robert grabbed his lipstick, gazing at the bright red color. Robert blinked, thinking of the time that Mary had done his makeup- and how awestruck Simon was. Robert pursed his lips, reminding himself of how pointless it was to think about shit like that. It wouldn't change anything, what was done was done.

Robert sighed, relaxing his grip on the lipstick before smearing over his lips; telling himself that he could get through this last show. Robert set down the lipstick, standing up with a new sense of determination. Robert fixed his hair and gaze at his appearance one final look over before turning on his heel and walking to the door. Robert exited his dressing room, glancing around the busy hallway before slipping down the hall and making his way to the stage; where he would watch the opening band finish up.

Robert forced himself to calm down, he was feeling on edge. Robert felt like the stage workers were all secretly staring at him, Robert would guess he would be used to being stared at by now- however Robert never could get used to being watched. Robert rubbed his hands together, approaching the side stage and watching the band play their last songs. Robert was sort of envious of how close the members seemed; remembering back when the cure used to be like that.

Robert's shoulders fell a little. Robert had a dejected look on his face, however no one bothered to ask if he was alright. Robert didn't even know if he could answer that question, there was no way in hell Robert was 'okay'. Robert bit his tongue, turning his eyes to the crowd and watching them listen to the band. They were pretty good, too bad Robert had no intention of mingling after the show. Robert was going to get to the bus as quickly as possible- to avoid the press and more importantly Simon.

Robert took in a deep breath, feeling a little overwhelmed before Chris suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "You alright Robert?" Chris asked, stepping to the side of Robert and gauging Robert's expression; not used to seeing Robert so sober, especially after these last few years. Robert looked at Chris for a brief moment before shrugging and turning his gaze back to the band. "Just listening to the band and thinking about what I'm going to do after this show." Robert muttered.

Chris pursed his lips, already knowing that Robert would drop the cure the moment this show was over. It was saddening, Chris secretly hoped that Robert would change his mind- however things only seemed to get worse between Robert and Simon. "How long will you be gone?" Chris asked, watching as Robert's expression became thoughtful.

"Don't know." Robert muttered, looking down at his feet. "I'll... call and let you know the plan after I get myself back together..." Robert said, keeping his eyes away from chris- he didn't want to look at him. Robert sighed heavily before rubbing his neck. "When do we go on?" Robert asked, changing the subject. He didn't know if he could handle any more overly emotional conversations- Robert was done with emotions.

they only cause trouble anyways.

"Oh- uh... sound check starts at 5, then the cure goes out on stage." Chris said, shoving his hands into his pockets and watching the warm up band play their last song. 'Enough time for a fag then.' Robert thought, ending the conversation by simply walking away from Chris and walking to the side door that led to a smoking area.

Robert was thankful for any alone time he had before the show. It always felt like there was a weight on his chest when he was around chris or lol. There was always an elephant in the room, however Robert refused to even acknowledge the thought.

When robert entered the smoking area, he promptly sat down by a small table and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, mindlessly tapping them onto the palm of his hand before pulling a fag out and lighting it. Breathing in the toxic smoke, Robert immediately felt more at ease. Alone once again, just him and his half empty pack of cigarettes. Nothing to think about except for the damage he was inflicting on his lungs.

Robert sunk further into the seat, gazing at his cigarette. "I really should cut back on these..'' Robert mumbled, tapping it quietly before leaning his face against his fist; his mind wandering back to simon. Robert was a bit salty tht Simon so easily went back to that gray bloke- what was so good about that scrawny bastard anyways...

Robert set his jaw, becoming annoyed. Simon was nothing but an asshole who didn't care how he hurt people as long as he got his dick wet. That was what Robert decided, and he would stick by that. Robert wouldn't give a strumpert like Simon another chance to hurt him. Robert drummed his fingers along the table, deciding that he would simply forget anything happened at all. If Simon could simply ignore Robert and go about his business- then so would robert.

Robert took one last drag from his cigarette before tossing the butt into the ashtray. Robert stood, a bitter expression resting on his face. Robert wouldn't let himself be hurt anymore- not again.

"Uh- mr. smith? You're on." one of the stage helpers said, poking their head through the door. Robert glanced at them, forcing himself to relax before nodding his head. "Alright, thank you." Robert whispered, lowering his eyes to the ground and following the stage help back to the stage.

~~~~

Robert walked out onto the stage, not bothering to look at his band members or the crowd. All Robert wanted to do was get this show over with and go home where he could crawl into his bed with a bottle of alcohol and forget that this tour ever even happened. Robert grabbed his guitar, letting out a small sigh before slowly approaching the microphone. "Hello.." Robert said before hearing the first song starting to play.

Of course it was one of their more popular songs, a forest. Robert glanced down at the ground where the set list was taped by his pedal board. Looked to be an hour long set. Robert sighed and closed his eyes, the familiar sense of anxiety welling up in his chest- memories of past altercations on stage with Simon or the crowd making Robert want to crawl off the stage like some kind of insect.

However Robert stayed, because he had to see this through. One last show- then it was done. Robert let out a breath, forcing himself to relax before falling into auto pilot mode and starting to play his part to the song- standing motionless in front of the microphone, refusing to make eye contact with anyone around him.

It stayed like that through the whole set as well, and surprisingly the show went kind of smoothly- nothing out of the ordinary went wrong. No fights, no arguments, no petty acts against each other- in fact the whole band just seemed to stay in their own little spot.

The moment the cure played their last song, Robert set his guitar down and said a meek goodbye before leaving the stage before anyone else. Robert was the last to get on the stage but the first one to leave it- how ironic. Robert grabbed a water bottle and chugged it on the side stage, coughing for a moment because he breathed some into his lungs before tossing the bottle into the bin and hurrying to the tour bus.

Robert passed Chris on the way, but even then he wasn't about to stop and chat. Robert was ready to book it- the faster he got home the faster he could get away from Simon for good.