Faith in Us

10.

The moment Robert and Mary returned home; robert went to the nearest phone and rang chris. Robert felt a little bad about not being around- because Chris seemed rather surprised to hear Robert's voice when he answered the phone.

So now Robert found himself sitting at a table across from Chris at a small pub- one that wasn't very well known. However, that didn't keep Robert from glancing over his shoulder from time to time.

"I'm glad you called robert- honestly i was starting to think you fell off the face of the earth.." chris said, taking a sip from his beer. Robert turned his attention back to Chris, watching him before lowering his eyes to the ground.

"Been a bit busy... made up with Mary, been trying to fix myself after what happened.." Robert said, mindlessly picking at his nails.

"I'm glad to hear that..." Chris said, pushing his beer away before clearing his throat. "Has it been... difficult?" Chris pressed, wanting to know more about what's been happening with robert.

With a quiet shrug, Robert leaned forward and rested his head on the palm of his hand. "Some days are harder than others but.. I'm learning better coping habits.... My therapist told me I should get away from reality for a little while. Hehe- i ended up going on a 3 week camping trip with mary.'' Robert said, biting his lip.

Chris smiled, happy to see some kind of emotion from Robert other than misery. "Really? Well I'm glad.." Chris said, laying his chin on the palm of his hand as well. Robert nodded his head, releasing a small sigh before a frown appeared on his face. "Yeah... though... like i said- some nights are worse than others... sometimes i get nightmares of what happened at the bar.." robert mumbled, causing chris to arch his eyebrows in a questioning manner.

"The night you got into a fist fight with simon?" Chris said, not sure which night Robert was talking about. There were a lot of traumatic nights during that tour to say the least.

Robert cleared his throat, casting his gaze down to the table before meekly shaking his head. "No... the night Barry got arrested... I wasn't... myself that night." Robert said, nails digging into the palm of his hands as he relieved that night inside his head.

"The night barry..." Chris trailed off, his voice hushed. Chris leaned forward, silently urging Robert to continue.

"That night... erh- well more like that morning. The note you gave me? It wasn't actually a creepy fan letter... It was barry." robert admitted, his eyes trained to the table. "He didn't threaten me directly- all he wrote was 'im back robert'. That was all I needed to see to get me on edge.." Robert said, picking at his nails.

Chris's face paled a bit, but Robert continued.

"When we were at the bar.. I wanted to leave but I couldn't find you- so I went to hide in the bathroom... thinking that maybe I would be safe there- that I could breathe for a moment before finding a ride... but, Barry was already in there." robert said, hands trembling ever so slightly; so he promptly placed his hands onto his lap.

"He made it look like he was hiding in one of the stalls- to trick me and get me from behind and well... he did." Robert said, looking terribly shamed. "He... he beat me until I couldn't fight back and then he-" Robert said, squeezing his eyes shut.

"He raped you." Chris finished for robert- looking like he could kill someone.

Robert was quiet for a long while before finally getting his voice back. "He did. And he did it in the worst way he could possibly think of... he stalked me- told me things that no one should have known... he ruined me." Robert said, a dark look of regret on his face.

"It's all my fault as well... i could have stopped him- if i wasn't such a fucking coward" robert hissed, digging his nails into his arms. "I let him have so much power over me- he took everything away from me and now I've lost almost everyone I loved" Robert said, tears burning his eyes.

"How in the world is this your fault! Dont ever fucking say that again- you didn't agree to let that bastard do that! It's called rape for a reason robert" chris snarled, earning a few looks. Chris took in a deep breath before lowering his voice. "How long have things like that been going on robert?" Chris asked, staring Robert down.

Robert bit his lip, not sure if he should say.

"You can tell me robert... this stays between us- I swear it" Chris said, his hard expression finally relaxing a bit. Robert finally lifted his gaze to look at Chris, his eyes showing nothing but suffering and heartache.

"Well things haven't really been going my way for the past 4 years so.." Robert laughed bitterly, wiping his face with the palm of his hand before staring at the table once more.

There was a long moment of silence, the two men lost in thought until finally Robert whispered, "I hope this doesn't make you think less of me... for being so- used up... and disgusting.." Robert's quiet voice squeaked out.

Chris let out a long sigh before he shook his head quickly. "Of course not. Something like that... It explains a lot. The drugs, the unexplained anger... I just wish you told me sooner.." chris said, gazing steadily at robert.

Robert bit his lip before looking at chris. "Yeah... I really was never good at communication." Robert said, a bitter edge still in his voice. Chris scoffed before grabbing his beer, "well- here's to moving on then hm?" Chris said, a warm but sad smile resting on his face.

Robert looked at his beer for a moment before letting out a weak laugh and grabbing his beer as well. "And if I ever see those bastard's again- I'll beat the shit outta them" Robert toasted, speaking of both Simon and barry. Chris laughed and toasted to that before downing his beer.

Robert chugged his beer before setting it down and wiping the back of his mouth, feeling a bit better since he got all of that baggage off his chest. However, opening those wounds back up did make Robert feel a bit out of it.

"Well... I should probably call it a night. Don't want to stay out too terribly late..'' Robert said, standing up slowly. Chris nodded his head in an understanding manner, "alright then. I'll phone you sometime! And don't worry about the beer mate- it's on me. Just get home safe alright?" Chris said, standing up and making his way over to the bar so he could get another drink.

Robert nodded his head before making his way out of the pub, pulling his coat tighter around himself before walking down the darkening street. The sun was starting to set, and the bright colorful sky painted the streets with warm sunlight. The slow breeze was still enough for Robert to huddle into his coat.

Robert sighed softly, glancing around himself for a moment before spotting a group of people lingering around a venue. Robert slowed for a moment, staring at them, assessing their appearance before he saw the familiar face of matthew. Robert set his jaw, his stomach dropping for a moment. The thought that Simon could possibly be over there- do who knows what with these strangers making Robert want to run over there and slap some sense into him.

But Robert knew better- Simon wasn't his friend anymore. It wasn't Robert's place to tell Simon what to do- let alone go over and see him.

Robert turned away, his chest tightening with loneliness. Robert then took a right, walking away from the group of people...

What was an extra 15 minutes on his walk home? The sunset was pretty anyways.