Faith in Us

9.

For the first time in a long, long while; Robert didn't have to worry about anything. He had no shows to look forward to, no one to worry about- no reason to be afraid of going out. It was like a vacation- and it was well deserved.

Robert spent most of his days sleeping. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months; Robert had in a way gone back to the same routine he had before the cure was made. He hadn't called anyone except for Mary, and with some encouragement from his mother; Robert actually opened up about a few things that had happened on the tour.

Of course Robert didn't say anything about what happened with Simon- and the sexual trauma that had been inflicted onto him. However Robert did open up about his drug and alcohol abuse, as well as his failing mental health.

Rita had made appointments for Robert to go see a therapist; and it was helping a little, however Robert still felt rather rotten about falling out with the cure.

Some days were worse than the others. Some days Robert would stay in his room, staring at his plethora of guitars; thinking about all the times he played on stage with Simon. Thinking about the times they spent together, before everything went wrong and most of all Robert thought about the violent arguments that happened.

It was like having the same nightmare over and over- no matter how hard Robert tried to forget, the images were burned inside of his brain. Everything with Simon and Barry had been permanently scarred into Robert's brain- and sometimes Robert would relapse. He would binge drink and then somehow find his mother and cry wordlessly into her arms.

Those nights were the worst...

Robert's doctor had actually advised that Robert went on an actual vacation- with someone he loved. Someone he knew he could trust. The only person Robert could think of at that time was Mary- and well he still hasn't formally apologized to her about his action. In fact he was scared, it was a topic Robert avoided.

However, when Robert finally gathered the courage to seek Mary out and talk about something other than their days; it was a pleasant surprise....

"Oh Robert... I've waited so long for you to say those words," Mary said, her brown eyes glistening with tears. Robert stood outside her door, looking nervous.

"I know... and I'm so- so sorry... I don't know what happened to me, I lost who I was. With everything that was going on- the one thing I regret most was casting you away." Robert said, lowering his head in shame.

"No one has ever cared for me the way you do Mary... and- '' Robert choked up, his fists clenched into fists at his side. Robert was working himself up, he was struggling to properly convey his feelings.

Mary silenced Robert by rushing forward and embracing him tightly with her face pressed into his chest. "Oh- you big lug! You have no idea how much I worried about you, god I was so angry at you! Nothing hurt me more than knowing you felt like you couldn't open up to me- dammit Robert!" Mary said, her tears wetting Robert's shirt.

Robert wrapped his arms around Mary's back, lowering his head into her neck. "I'm sorry.." Robert whispered, feeling like a real piece of crud for hurting Mary like this. Mary, sweet marry- she didn't know a thing about what Robert was going through and even through Robert's cruel behavior she still loved him.

"I love you Robert. I am in love with you" Mary said, lifting her head to look at Robert.

Robert pulled back a little, staring at her tear stained face. Robert felt guilt bubbling up in his chest- he had hurt this woman without a single care; and she still proclaims her love.

"I-i love you.." Robert whispered back, cupping Mary's face and wiping away her tears. Mary let out a weak laugh, nuzzling her face into Robert's hand. "I love you." she said back, her bottom lip still quivering.

"Can I kiss you?"

*****

"Robert? Robert- you silly way up!" Mary's voice brought Robert from his sleep. Robert groaned lowly and covered his eyes with his arm. "5 more minutes Mary" Robert mumbled, turning away from her warmth and hugging the pillow to his face.

Mary giggled and gently shook Robert's shoulder, "come on! The sun's already up- you said you wanted to go for a hike this afternoon." Mary crooned, rubbing Robert's back slowly.

Finally, Robert opened his eyes, seeing that the sun had already risen. The light was filtering through the entry of their tent; and Robert still wanted to sleep in for a little while.

After their confession weeks ago, Robert had done as his doctor had said and taken Mary out on a camping trip. They had already been out there for 2 weeks- with regular phone conversations with family. It was nice, like they were in their own little world. Robert had time to fix himself and fix his relationship with Mary.

Not once did he think about Simon. Mary was a good distraction, however using her as a distraction had become a normal part of their relationship- even before the cure took off. Robert used her to forget Simon then- and he is doing the same thing now.

Robert had no idea what Simon was doing now. He had heard rumors that he had started a band with Gary- something called fools dance. He had this conversation with Chris, and apparently the band consisted of Simon, Gary and Matthew from when the cure first started.

What a wonderful gaggle of idiots.

Robert sighed and slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before looking at Mary. "Right- let me get dressed then." Robert said, voice husky from sleeping. Mary smiled and nodded her head, placing a chaste kiss upon Robert's cheek before leaving the tent so Robert could do his business.

Robert stretched his arms over his head with a quiet groan, feeling his spine crack and pop before he relaxed and scratched his face. Robert huffed before standing up, the blanket he was under falling from his waste and revealing his naked body. Robert grabbed a pair of boxers, pulling them on before dressing himself in a pair of baggy shorts and a Betty Boop t-shirt his mother gifted him.

Robert then sat down, looking into a small compact mirror Mary brought. Robert eyed his face, he hadn't worn makeup in ages...

Robert swallowed thickly, the familiar feeling of self loathing making his heart hurt for a moment before he simply fluffed up his hair to his liking and tossed the mirror carelessly onto the mess of pillows and blankets.

Robert climbed out of the tint, spotting Mary by the little fireplace they had. Robert bit his lip, feeling a bit restless. "Ah- finally!" Mary said once she finally noticed Robert, a bright smile spreading across her face. Mary stood and made her way over to Robert, "i packed a small backpack for us- i don't know how long you wanted to go hiking..'' Mary said softly, fixing Robert's shirt.

"I think- after today it's time to go home." Robert suddenly blurted out, taking Mary by surprise.

"Go home? Can I ask why?" Mary said, her hands still resting on Robert's chest.

Robert hesitated a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "I-i don't know... I feel like I need to talk to Chris. About some important things.." Robert said, placing his hands on top of Mary's and gently brushing his fingers across her's.

"Does it involve anything with the cure?" Mary asked slowly, a hesitant look appearing on her face.

Robert bit his lip before nodding his head, "yeah- and other things... I feel like I owe him an explanation for some things that happened. But... I'm still not sure what's going to happen with the cure.." Robert said softly, his sad blue eyes lingering on Mary's face.

There was a brief moment of silence before Mary smiled. "Alright. If that's what you need to do- then I support you. We can go home tomorrow- but today let's make the most of our vacation and go on a hike!" Mary smiled, interlocking hands with Robert.

"Thank you." Robert said, an appreciative smile appearing onto his face before he pulled away from Mary and walked over to the backpack she had grabbed. "I'll carry the bag love." Robert said, pulling the bag on while Mary pulled out a map and glanced over it.

"Alright! Let's go this way!" she said in a peppy voice, excited to be spending such quality time with her Robert.