HE IS HELL

Chapter one

Chapter one

I never understood love. Watching as my mothers' love-life withered away over the years; then every relationship I've seen and been in since then, slowly turned to dust and crumble. So, when he came along - I felt as if Heaven had granted me a blessing in this cruel world that I had no other choice but to call my home. However, I found love was such a heavy burden. One that slowly crept under your skin, embedding itself into your blood cells just to cause an irreversible virus. This man, who I thought could rule the sky slowly showed me how angel's eyes could hide the most beautiful, tormenting lies.

The first time I saw Matthew was on a popular dating site. Him, being completely the opposite to my usual, slim, Gothic type. Matthews' pictures were an obvious gloat for his muscular 6 ft frame with mousy brown hair, neatly shaved at the sides with a small quiff on top. I remember the moment we matched, my stomach feeling like a flower had started to blossom. Little did I know this beautiful rose would soon become smothered in thorns over time. Matthew, the charmer he was, sent me a rather peculiar message - one I laughed at with nerves and excitement in my young adult life.

'How do you make your sandwiches?' - a joke, one I found hilarious in an almost disbelieving manner. I replied back with the truth to the question. 'Cut up in triangles or squares, without the crust.' From there, we spoke for a couple of months; by text, phone calls and on camera. My world was on fire from the moment I replied to him. I felt so enticed by this young man that was just about to turn 20. I started to breathe for his attention, like an addict - without him acknowledging me, I felt alone. Every day we spoke from morning to night, laughing about cat videos and jokes I never understood - regardless, seeing him smile and laugh made me feel at home.

Back then, I was incredibly shy. A seventeen-year-old high school dropout -turned college student, with breast-length dyed black hair and an obsession with books. Ridiculed with body issues from being a little too overweight for my small five foot four frame. With the months passing by, Matthew told me about his past girlfriends; he described most as abusive, crazy and scary. He told me stories of their arguments and his heart ache, how he healed himself by enjoying life. Matthew went from a stranger to someone I deeply cared for, felt pity yet also started to fall for.

After the second month, coming up for his birth month - July, we decided I would come over for the weekend. I was so incredibly nervous - a virgin, who has only ever reached 1st base with a male, was spending the weekend at this dreamy mans' place - alone!

My fingertips buzzed when I typed back, accepting his offer. I ran around my small room, grabbing a handbag that looked expensive and stuffed my sexy black lace panties inside. I quickly got dressed in my black leggings, oversized hoodie and fur boots. Gently placing penciled eyeliner around my eyes in a circular shape then applying mascara. I was ready to leave. I told my family where I was going, writing his address for my uncle as a precaution. Purse at the ready, I ran to the nearest bus stop. Thankfully with it being a Friday - most were still at work so traffic was minimal.

A bus ride and a few texts later, I jumped on the train, sitting against the blue velvet seat heading to Portsmouth. My legs bounced under the table with nerves - stomach turning in knots and my mind focusing itself on the naughty parts.

Did I shave? Wait, should that matter? I'm a woman and it's natural, right? A young adult with no experience - that was I.

The messages between us flooded within the 45-minute journey, Matthew coming to meet me on the other end. I felt manic with the mixture of feelings, wiping my clammed-up hands on my knees and placing Vaseline on my chapped, overly-bitten lips. I checked Matthews' profile again, memorizing his face once more, worried I would walk past him. The train stopped as I hurried to get off, deciding to wait outside the station, I looked around - not being able to see him. I sighed doubtful about his absence as I buried myself in my coat, walking back inside the station.