HE IS HELL

Chapter twenty-four

Chapter twenty-four

Tonight was Christmas Eve, a night I was so incredibly excited about. Matthew had watched as Willow and I hung a few decorations, Willow then getting her already-made tree out of the cupboard. The front room was starting to look perfect and cheerful as we all sat on the sofas, Red Dwarf Eve Special playing on the TV while Matthew and I had a celebratory beer.

It was perfect. He was perfect.

As we watched the last few minutes, Matthew stirred, excusing himself – myself doing the same. I walked to the balcony, just staring outside. The moment felt surreal as a small fox stood in the middle of the road, eyes looking at mine as the first snow fell. I smiled, feeling the true Christmas magic as the fox wandered off. I called for Matthew as he came rushing outside.

"What's wrong?" I bit my lip, my index finger pointing to the sky. A goofy smile played on my features. "It's snowing." Matthew sighed with a smirk, taking his turn to look at the darkened sky. "So it is." We both stood outside for a moment longer, him reminiscing about his father at Christmas while I nodded along to the sound of his voice, content.

Christmas day came quickly as I awoke to Matthew on top of me, seemingly getting himself and myself ready for sex. Although I didn't feel up to it in my half asleep state, I let Matthew continue. It was Christmas, after all. It was over quickly as Matthew climaxed inside me, ignoring my reluctance on the location of his semen. I internally groaned as I stood up, feeling the disgusting liquid drip down my thighs, along with the potent smell. I knew then, I would smell all day.

After getting dressed in my Christmas jumper and black jeans, I applied my make-up watching Matthew in the mirror as he too, placed his Star Wars Christmas jumper on along with his loose blue jeans. Willow could be heard in the kitchen, pots and pans bashing around the countertops in a timely manner as we all waited patiently for Matthews' sister, brother and partners to arrive. Thankfully it wasn't long before they arrived, Frankie wearing her red candy cane dress and Daniel wearing his GAME OVER jumper with pixelated bows while Peter and Kelly dressed in matching couple outfits. I was slightly jealous then, wishing I had brought Matthew and I the same.

Within moments the small apartment was filled with guests, laughter and noise. The food piled upon the small dining room table that was covered in a red and white cloth, beer bottles doing the same as I saw Matthew holding one already. He looked so intense with his hazel eyes and sharp features, I wasn't sure whether I felt excited by his gaze or intimidated as he gestured for me to follow him out onto the balcony.

"Kat, you got a cig I can have?" Matthew asked as I nodded, reaching for my back pocket. "You know I can't roll, make me one." Doing as asked, I passed him the finished white stick, internally groaning at the crumbled rizla. I should have rolled better.

Deciding to break the silence, I spoke up. "Everything OK, babe?" Part of me knew it wasn't the best idea to ask him yet the other was concerned with his hateful look. "Yeah, it's fine. Just, look, do me a favor tonight and actually make some conversation. It's embarrassing when all you do is sit there." I bit my lip and blinked away the stinging sensation that pricked my eyes.

"Sure. Sorry, you know I find it hard to talk." My voice trailed off as Matthew scoffed at my response. "Come on Kat, yeah you get anxiety or whatever, get over it. Are you still seeing that councilor?" Nodding, I regretted myself almost immediately. "Well, stop seeing them. You don't need to, everyone gets sad. Don't end up like your family and be a waste."

How am I meant to respond to that? I felt his hand snake around my waist, pulling me close to him. His Millionaire aftershave took over my senses, diminishing the smoke from the cigarette and replacing It with such a sickly sweet scent. For a moment I was stuck inside his embrace, longing for more of his touch, desperate for his approval – I nodded, agreeing to his demands.

It would be for the best anyway. Probably not a good idea going to a shrink.

"Matthew, Kat! Food is going cold!" Willow shouted through the kitchen door as we both hurried inside. I wanted to curl up and waste away when the attention fell on me at dinner. Peter had suggested we play a game and unfortunately it was based on IQ. The question at hand was something I had never even heard off as I stumbled my words – Matthew sighing beside me.

"I know it, can't I just answer? She doesn't know the answer." The man complained as heat traveled through my face, the disappointment settling in. Peter agreed as the game continued, I knew I had annoyed Matthew again while he sipped his beer, ignoring my finger tapping his leg as an apology.

I felt like I had done everything wrong as I watched Matthew open his presents from me, the countless Lego sets and Star Wars related gifts earned myself a small smile from him. "Thanks babe."

"It's OK."

I wasn't sure what I should have said, if I should have said anything at all.