HE IS HELL

Chapter twenty-seven

Chapter twenty-seven

There were only 6 weeks left until the wedding as I searched for the nearest dress shop, hoping one had a wedding dress that fitted my apple shaped figure. Thankfully there was a small shop hidden in the back streets in the next town over as I quickly threw on my black jeans and Matthews' green jumper, not forgetting my black bag and most importantly my bank card.

It didn't take long for me to arrive at the shop, it was small from the outside with big italic pink writing on the front. Different types of dresses filled the three windows, puffy over-the-top to a simple A-line. Do I need to make an appointment? I thought to myself, deciding to just shake off my nerves and walk inside.

As I did, the first thing I noticed was the stuffy overheated perfume smell which made my nose itch almost instantly. The dimmed lighting was difficult to get used to at first as a petite woman spotted me. Must be a member of staff.

"Hi, welcome to Primmies! Do you have an appointment?" Her ash blonde hair bounced with every movement she made, slim fingers with French manicures delicately crossed one another as she smiled – she even has pearly whites, I'm so jealous!

"Ah, no I don't, sorry. I was just looking for any dresses that were on sale." I felt my own chubby fingers anxiously pick at one another.

"That's quite alright! Funny, my next client just cancelled so I'm free to help. My name is May, what kind of wedding are you having?" She spoke softly.

"It's just a small one, ha." I gulped. "Registry office so, quite small."

Why am I so nervous and robotic-like? It's just dress shopping!

"Well, take a look around – our sales rack is just over there and call me if you need anything." May left with a smile, her small womanly figure swished so smoothly I was almost in a trance. Right, find a cheap one and get the hell out.

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10 minutes.

10 fucking minutes and I've been staring at the rack like an idiot.

I despised shopping. Sizes were never right and clothing was limited, same with these dresses. I could feel a tension headache starting to form as I looked at the price tags. This shop is way out of my price range, I wonder if they do fortnightly installments?

It wasn't long before May checked-in, deciding I would just try on a laced fishtail with a sweetheart neckline: she was quick to urge me into trying it on. I was told to undress and step-in to the unrealistically heavy gown, unsure of myself as I did so. Of course, I had to be wearing tatted gray boxers today. Any other day would be fine, but today? Ah, she's going to think I can't afford pants let alone a dress!

"Are you ready?" I heard May call through the red velvet curtain, I nodded, mentally slapping myself realizing she couldn't see me.

"Yes, sorry." Holding up the dress from the front, May stepped inside. It was silent as she pulled and threaded in the corset lace, tightening ever so gently. Her fingers brushed against my back, she was so cold. I resisted the urge to shiver as she finished, beckoning me to leave the dresser room to use the tall mirror in the middle of the store.

In front of everyone? Ah, I feel so uncomfortable. What if I just look like a ball? Taking a deep breath, I left the dresser taking small yet confident steps and raised my head to look in the mirror.

Huh

That's me?

I have a waist?

Since when?

"So, how do you feel?" It was like May radiated happiness as I smiled at her. "I love it." "Brilliant! Would you like to try a veil? We have short or cathedral length. I'll get both!" I stood as May left, turning my head from side-to-side in disbelief. Surely it must be the mirror, there's no way I've spent years not knowing I had a waist. Allowing my fingers to trace the lace pattern of the ivory coloured dress, I found myself thinking of the future with Matthew; a child – hopefully a son that we could name Frank Ethan Moore. I may have decided on that name on the first weekend of meeting Matthew and a bakery that I would be the pastry chef and the roaster of the best tasting coffee around.

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks as I bit my lip. I couldn't wait to start a life with Matthew.

After trying on many different accessories and veils, I decided to secretly buy them second hand in a charity shop, they were much cheaper that way. Can be something borrowed. May walked to the cream desk, bending slightly, writing up the total price as I waited. At that moment I wanted to disappear as she read out the cost, adding up my request of detachable sleeves and alterations.

"Do you, perhaps, take fortnightly payments?" I asked, embarrassed. "Yes, we can. When is your wedding as usually alterations can take up to a couple of months." Months?!

"I only have six weeks. September 19th." I knew I should have gone dress shopping earlier!

"Wow, quite soon. I'll make a call and see what we can do. One moment." I clung on to whatever hope I had left as I watched May make the call, twisting and turning her hair in between her pointed fingers. The clock ticking seemed to echo through the store as everything went quiet while May hung up, taking a deep breath and turning to me with a sullen look.

I take it that's a no.

"We can do it!" She beamed. This woman's going to kill me. "It'll be ready a week before your wedding, but I would need a payment today then every two weeks. Deposit today would be £450. Then £200 every two weeks for five weeks, last payment on the fifth week. Altogether it is £1,050. Direct debit?"

The price tag is going to kill me.

Thank hell I saved for today.

I nodded, my next pay date being in less than two weeks. "That's perfect." Leaving the store in a comatose state, I messaged Matthew, informing him of my new purchase. I couldn't tell him what kind of dress, I wanted it to be a surprise as my mobile rang.

"Hi babe." It was Matthew! "Why'd you buy a wedding dress? Me mum could have made you one." He sounded distracted as he paused again. "It's a waste of money, money we need for when you come here."

Was it too much? Would the dress be too much for the wedding?

"Ah, I just really liked it. That's all." I replied back, slowing my pace on the sidewalk. I felt silly for spending so much.

"How much was it?" Now he's paying attention. "Not much, I can afford it."

"Kat, I didn't ask if you could afford it. How much is it?" Matthews' voice was stern and thick with his Northern accent.

"Just a little over a grand. But it's OK! I can-" He cut me off, the anger in his tone making me stop mid-step in fear. "Over a fucking grand? Are you stupid! Why would you spend that fucking much, oh my god you're an idiot! Mum could have made you a dress." Matthew seethed, taking gulps of air.

"It's a wedding, Matthew." I stuttered. "Dresses cost a lot. I don't want to trouble your mum with making a dress plus it's nice to buy one for a special day." It was my turn to breathe in sharply as Matthew groaned. "Now she's going to think you hate her. Great, thanks a lot Kat. I'm going."

So much for dress shopping.