Darling || h.s. au {Completed}

T w e n t y N i n e

[Sorry it's kind of short, Wattpad fucked up the first time I wrote it. Enjoy.]

I plan on spending the rest of my life wallowing in self pity. But I know that I can't, I'm already broken, I can't break any further so what's the point of trying.

I should try to do something productive.

I could go visit Liam, oh, I forgot. I could go out selling, no, I remind my self that I'm trying to avoid that at all costs. Maybe go out and get drunk? That's no way to solve my problems, it would only numb the pain for a short time, then have me with another in the morning. I stand up with a huff and walk the my bedroom doorway. I stand parallel to a wall a few feet from me, just staring at it. Something clicks in my mind while I blankly stare.

I could visit Gem and tell her how I'm doing.

It seems like the only good option I have right now, the only thing that would help. I throw on my shoes and grab my keys, rushing out the door. I avoid the main streets to get there faster, and so I don't have to deal with traffic. Once I'm at the gate, I show them my ID and the tall white gates open, allowing me through. I drive through several spaces and find one near the back of the third or fourth row.

Once I park, I step out and shove my hands in my pockets, the gentle droplets of rain sprinkling my face while I all. I climb two hills and find her name engraved in the tone in the middle of the row. As usual, I sit in front of it cross-legged on the cement. I read the words written in the stone for the millionth time and sigh.

"Hey Gem." I start.

"I did something bad. Really bad. That girl I told you I was dating, Drew? I uh, I called her a slut. Which isn't true! Well, okay, what had happened was I walked in on her almost getting, you know, raped." I say in a hushed tone. "And later, she was being all secretive about it, you know, acting a little distant, saying she didn't remember what the guy looked like, she just, she was acting like she didn't want the guy to get caught. I tried to get her to open up to me, but she wouldn't, and, I don't know, I got mad. I really regret it, she hasn't talked to me in a while. We broke up. Well, she dumped me. I hate that I said that, I'm such a dumbass."

I listen to the whistling of the wind around me for a second, then begin again.

"She's like you, in a way. She's really sweet, she has this, this amazing sense of humour. She's really clumsy, which is cute. Really cute. But, but she also hurts herself. I think she stopped, I told her to but maybe she didn't listen to me. I hope she doesn't, you know,  commit suicide. She doesn't deserve it, to die. I do. I really wish I hadn't of done that, I really miss her. It's only been like, three days I think, but I miss her like fucking crazy."

I sniffle and feel tears sting my eyes, but I keep the inside for as long as I can while I continue.

"I could really use some sisterly advice. I wish you were here, with me. I really fuckingmiss you Gem, I really regret all those times I was such a little prick to you. I wish I could take them back. I wish I could take a lot of things back. I wish I could take back the time I spied on your hot friend at that sleepover you guys had. I regret that time I refused to eat my broccoli at dinner. I regret that time I kept the biggest secret in the world for you. You could have gotten help, you could still be here. I regret it."

I look down at my folded hands and start to remember the bad times, they replace the good times that flowed through my mind seconds ago.

"I regret not wasting that shithole whore fucking bullshitter Des she I had the chance. I could have done it, killed him. Then none of that shit would have ever happened to you. I know this won't mean much now, but I ant you to know that if I ever see his rat ass lying face again, I'm going to kick the shit out of it. I'm going to make sure he gets what he deserves for all he's done to you, for what he out you through. I going to make damn sure he never walks again. I'm going to, I'm going to-"

"You're going to what?" a voice asks behind me.

The voice is deep and hoarse. He, what I presume is a he, slurs his r's. The voice is grungy. I know this voice. The voice belongs to Des Styles.