Mouse

chapter three

Another week, another town; and once more the circus was setting up camp.

My aunt Lizzie was keeping me busy helping her. She made a lot of the costumes for the performers. She decided I should also have this useful skill, it was one of the few things she actually admitted I was good at.

So we were in her caravan putting some last minute touches to some of the acrobats costumes for the following night's performance. My mind had idly wandered of into the kind of outfit I would like to make for myself, if I could get my aunt to part with some of her new satin blue material I had taken a liking too, I could make a nice top out of it.

Suddenly the caravan door was flung open. It was Lisa, huffing for breath, her eyes wide with alarm

"Mom, you gotta come quick... it's Grandfather, he's collapsed!" she exclaimed

My aunt and I both stared at her in shock, collapsed? what did she mean he had collapsed?

We forgot about the costumes, as we both got up and hurried out of the caravan, following Lisa across the field where they were putting up the Big top.

There was a small knot of people gathered around, I could see my other two cousins Alex and James kneeling in the ground beside my grandfather.

I felt myself go cold inside seeing him lying there so still, my stumbling feet picked up their pace to reach him quicker.

"What happened?" I heard my Aunt Lizzie demand in bewilderment, as I fell to my knees beside my grandfathers body. He looked so pale. My heart thudding in my ears. I knew he had not been well lately, only I didn't realise it was this serious because he kept insisting he was fine and didn't want me making a fuss

"I am not sure," James replied, worriedly, "One minute he was talking to me, then he told me he had to go and sit down, I noticed he his face had gone a strange colour, then he just collapsed"

"My only relief was to see that he was still breathing. I clutched his hand, willing him to open his eyes; frightened to see him like this, whilst as more people gathered around us in concern, my aunt yelled for someone to get an ambulance.

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I couldn't believe it.

My grandfather had cancer, and he only had five months if he was lucky to live. It seemed it had spread rapidly through his body.

This was what the consultant at the hospital gravely informed us a few days after my Grandfather was admitted into hospital

At first I kept thinking they had made a terrible mistake, and their further tests would prove that he was going to be alright.

I refused to accept it.

But as the weeks went in, I realised there was not going to be any miraculous cure, or that he was suddenly going to recover. Grandfather was dying and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it.

Even knowing this; he seem to remain stoic about his condition, refusing to have us fussing and crying over him. So I found when it all got too much for me, I would save my tears when I was in the privacy of my bed at night. I could not imagine my life without Grandfather, I wondered what was going to become of me when he died, and how would I cope?.

I found myself going about feeling strangely numb, yet somehow my body managing to continue on automatic pilot, sleeping, eating, walking, and talking..

I didn't really want to have to cope with these mundane things when I felt my life was being turned upside down, all I really wanted to do was run and hide away from it all somewhere.