More than friends (Michael Afton x Reader)

5 - hospital

- Roselyn's pov -

What was left of my sleep had gone? Nights were drawn out in crying and nightmares. Guilt pushed me around, trapping me in corners, unable to grasp onto anything to allow me to escape this nightmare. All the times a try to reason with me was met with disapproval by myself. Why the reason for what I did? It was only my fault. Nobody else was going to help me. How could I let my own jealousy blind me into a rage? That was a sore mistake on my part. To actually be jealous, I really must have lost my mind.

Nothing will ever change between me and Michael and I knew that. What we had was over and I should've been lucky that I got to remain as his friend, but I couldn't try to make things better. Better friends. Better to each other. He had to go and add a new person to the group, one that looked at him with loose starry eyes, just to poke at the boiling pot. The way she depended on him, the way she looked at him. Looking back on it, I was happy for Michael, but I still couldn't help feeling that horrid jealousy that raged inside of me, regardless of how much I tried to keep it down. I lost my chance the first time, I wasn't allowed anymore. Now I was left in confusion.

Nobody told me if she was alive or not. Nobody told me she was dead. Nobody told me anything about that girl but that her mother was struggling. I saw that with my own eyes, as she turned up at the hospital that night in tears and stress. She didn't dare look at us, but you could tell in the woman's eyes that she was breaking.

She was there alone with a little boy sleeping in her arms. I attempted to apologise to her, but nobody let me. The boys held me down, keeping me restrained in my chair. So Michael apologised to me. I watched her as she just cried.

What have I done? I destroyed a family. I dared to return to the diner after a week of sleepless nights. I had to face the truth and that it was my fault. Max and Michael really didn't help me. I never fucking avoided Michael when his brother died. I never went like, you are a murderer because of what he did. I was there for Michael. I slept over every night helping him sleep, telling him that everything was going to be alright. Every night for weeks, I slept in his bed acting as a teddy. I loved him. Why was this different? I still loved him and I want nothing more than to have him as a good friend and stop avoiding me.

We were both drunk, I wasn't thinking with my head and my emotions were out of their cage. I lost it and I wanted to show her that wasn't someone she could say shit to and get away with it. I didn't want this. Her in hospital with a screwdriver buried into her neck. I didn't want that at all.

I had nobody. Max's words to me were short and brief, avoiding eye contact with me. I was losing friends. I had nobody. Maybe my mother was right. Maybe friends and love were only for fools who lived in a fantasy. It was me. And only me. Nobody else would care for me. Nobody else would heal me. I didn't deserve them or to be helped, anyway.

I sat at the diner, with my head resting on the table. The yelling and laughing of children were causing a terrible headache, even if I sat in the farthest corner of the diner, their loudness still boomed in my ears. I was on here to see Michael. To beg him to help me. He didn't want any of it. Max was the same. They didn't even consider me as a friend anymore at this point. I fucked up, massively, but I was trying my best to make things better, once a week I check up on the girl because of a sense of responsibility to make sure she was getting better, leaving sweets and notes. It wasn't like she will ever see them, so her brother could have them.

"You know if you keep staring your eyes will fall out," William said, standing at the end of the booth with his arms crossed, tapping on the table to grab my attention back on him. He stood there for a while but I didn't hear a word he said.

I raised my head up to face him, with my hand pressed against my cheek. "Sorry, what were you saying?" I asked, completely forgetting what the man was saying.