Reverse Dream; Entangled Reality || SunSun FF

다섯

다섯: Tired

“W-What?! For heaven's sake I was just at the living room, Sean! Stop hallucinating, would you!?”

I raised my voice which made him shut up. I'm already tired and I can't think straight from all of this things. I pulled my hair in frustration while looking away from him.

He looked scared by my words, he looks taken aback. But that was all true, he's hallucinating again, leading him to harm. Damn it, he almost kill himself! He almost drown himself because of his hallucinations.

I leaned against the bathroom's wall, covering my face when tears continued to flow. I'm already so tired, I've been worn out.

“Steven—”

“Dammit, I'm not Steven, okay?! I will never be that fricking guy! I'm Stan, Sean. I'm Stan! Can you just remember me?!”

I was looking at him who's already up and standing in front of me. He looked at me in disbelief. Like I said something that is impossible. His hallucinations were the one who's impossible.

That Steven doesn't exist.

Flying butterflies around us doesn't exist.

“Sean, damn it! I'm not Steven, he doesn't exist!” I said facing him with a weary look. He smiled like he was assure like I was saying impossible things. How can I make him believe me?!

He started walking near me, water dripping from his body. He touched my face, wiping the tears away. I started sobbing for an irrational reason.

I know I shouldn't have said that, it's not his fault why he calls me Steven. It's not his fault why he's hallucinating. It's not his fault why imagination win over reality inside his mind.

The thing is that, I just can't watch him suffer because of schizophrenia. I can't watch him getting harmed by that fricking disorder.

“But you are Steven.”

I pulled him into a hug, as I felt his warmth with me. I closed my eyes, firmly, letting every pain entangle my body.

“Yes, I am Steven...”

I'm kidding myself if I'd say I'm alright with all this things. I'd be the worst liar of the year if I would say I'm still strong.

I'm so tired but he kept me holding on. He's the only one making me fight though it seemed I, myself is already buried in that imaginary world of his.

I knew I was hurting myself too much. But I can go against all odds for him, I can go against the world for him. That's a promise, I will never ever break apart.

“I am him.”

Fuck. I am not him, nonetheless if this could be better for him, then I'll go with the flow of his imagination as if I'm a part of it.

Pained but I'm not yet numb.

Tired yet I'm not willing to give up.

I'll be with him forever, until the last breath. He needs me and I need to hold on. The thing between us is worth the fight, but not of relinquish.

“Where's the flower you gave me earlier?” He stated when we both pull away. I plastered on a smile, before scratching my nape. Sigh.

“I'll buy you one again.”

“Jinjja?! Gomawo. Saranghae!” He squeezed my cheeks while he's flashing a smile. Whilst I was hiding the pain I felt inside for the sake of his happiness.

So that his genuine smile won't fade.

“Nado saranghae...”

———

“I'm begging you, will you please come back?”