Love doesn't last [Jeno]

35. Questions with no answers

“I have a strong feeling that he will end up falling for you, while you are with Mark and he doesn’t know that. It’s your first day together or for the book, but you have to tell him you are dating Mark Hyung” Jaemin finished and we just stood there in a killing silence.

“Jaemin, don’t tell anyone for now. I promise that I will tell Jeno before anything happens between us” I  stated begging him to give me another chance. At least now I understood why he was so cold towards me. He was just protecting his friend from what could be a painful breakup.

“So, you can see yourself falling for Jeno just like you can see that he will fall for you” Jaemin replied giving me another thought. Am I using Jeno for my own good? Why do I keep comparing Mark and Jeno? Does it make me feel better about myself?

“I-I…..Jaemin this book is important and I promise I will fix anything I break” I replied avoiding his eyes. Jaemin isn’t lying, if I and Jeno fell in love my whole life would be ruined.

We walked back together and Jaemin smiled like a sweet and innocent child, I see where their acting becomes useful. My heart still felt heavy and my mind was full of negative thoughts.

I wasn’t shaking anymore but I could feel my heart aching a bit slowly. “Where did you two run off to? I looked behind and you two were gone” Jeno said as we took a seat. I couldn’t even look Jeno in the eye without feeling guilty and anxious. Is there any future for us?

What will I do if Jaemin is right? “Y/n needed to use the restroom and so did I, so we just waited on each other” Jaemin said, no he lied but that’s because I asked him to not tell the truth.

Do I want Jeno to fall for me? Is all of this for a book or me? I can’t stop thinking and I don’t want to, because I feel anxious, and I am mad at myself. But I can’t let it show, at least not now. “Y/n are you fine? You look a bit uneasy” Aria asked as I woke up from my dark thoughts.

“Yeah, I just thought of something,” I said exhaling deeply and trying to avoid my thoughts for now so that I could use everything here for my book. I am using everyone. Comparing everyone.

I am basically like my mom, maybe worst. Because nobody knows that I am doing all this. Why am I only seeing it now? How could Jeno be fine with me using him? Why didn’t I tell you about my relationship with Mark?

After having a serious and scary conversation with Jaemin I noticed that Jaemin called Mark “Hyung” (brother). Does that mean that Jeno knows Mark as well?

“Y/n, do you want to take some fresh air?” Jeno asked worried as I couldn’t even look him in the eye. He didn’t do anything wrong. Everything is my fault.