Love doesn't last [Jeno]

36. What do i do?

“Y/n, do you want to take some fresh air?” Jeno asked worried as I couldn’t even look him in the eye. He didn’t do anything wrong. Everything is my fault.

“She is a bit rusty hearing the truth, but I know Y/n she will take the right decision” Jaemin spoke as he showed everyone a smile. Is that smile even real? I could feel heavy pressure creating more pain than before.

Why does it hurt so bad? I should have thought it through. Now I am walking on glass expecting not to bleed. “Yeah, I just got a shock. Stop worrying about me! Let’s eat!” I shouted out of happiness. Fake happiness. Deep inside I was stressing my anxiety out. My hands were starting to shake and my heart just kept pounding endlessly.

Until his hand reached for mine underneath the table. No eyes or no attention was pointed at us. Why did Jeno grab my hand? Why is he holding my hand? I looked at him with a small smile as he replied with the same smile. Jeno, why are you so caring?

“Finally the food is here, I will make sure that you come on time” Jisung spoke with a sweet tone and he placed the meat on Aria’s plate. I didn’t want to think, but I thought about him. Mark kept showing up in my head.

His smile, his dark brown eyes, and his appearance were all gone. Why do I even care? I thought I didn’t like him? I don’t understand why I am reacting like this. Suddenly I could feel Jeno slowly stroke his fingers on my hand palm. The sweating and endless heart beating stopped. I went from an active volcano to an easy rain day.

Just looking deeply into Jeno’s dark eyes made me smile. Feel some kind of heat starting to warm my whole body, starting from my heart. “Let’s eat Jeno before you head back to work” I mumbled as he responded with another smile.

-Time Skip back home-

We didn’t do much after eating. Jeno had to do more scenes with the rest and I got tired of watching so I just took my leave. But I couldn’t stand looking at Jeno anymore. Each time our eyes met he warmed me up. One look, one smile.

Deep inside I could feel this pressure with some kind of pain, I am not able to describe it. My hands wouldn’t even stop shaking from the start and my heart kept pounding. Please calm down. Why do I react like this?

I knew the truth a long time ago, so why do I react like this when Jaemin just said it? I can’t even focus. My eyes were all over the place. Held my cup of coffee and the laptop was ready to be used.

I couldn’t even move a single inch. My fingers were frozen like ice. What have I done to be like this? Exhaling and inhaling deeply, trying to find my breath again was exhausting.