Here's To Hoping (One Direction)

18.) White Walls

Chapter Eighteen: White Walls

Audrey’s Point of View

            Sirens and movement are the only two things I can register. My eyes are still closed but I feel myself lying on something soft and whatever my head is resting on is slightly warm. I feel a hand on my forehead. Slowly, I open my eyes. The first thing I see is Niall and I notice that it’s his lap that my head is resting in. His eyes are shut but I’m pretty sure he’s not asleep.

Looking around more, I see that I’m inside a car. And judging by the inside, it looks like it is Paul’s white Tahoe that he just rented a few days ago. I twist my head to see who all is in the car with me. Zayn is in the front seat next to Paul while Louis and Liam take up the row of seats behind them. I’m only left to assume that Niall and I must be in the very back.

I notice that Harry isn’t in the vehicle with us. Wondering where he is, the past hours events come at me full force. It hits me that my best friend may or may not be alive right now and I’m not by her side. Immediately, I lean up out of Niall’s lap.

            “Where the hell is Jessica?” I yell.

            My outburst seems to have startled the guys in the car; all of them but Paul turn around to look at me. I see that Liam has a few tears sliding down his face and Lou’s eyes are red. All of the other boys give me somber looks. My stomach drops.

            “Where. Is. She.” I ask once more. This time I’m fighting back tears of my own.

            “Look, Audrey. I don’t know how to put this lightly. Jessica -” Niall begins but I cut him off.

“NO! Don’t tell me she’s dead! Don’t do it!” I scream at him. Tears begin to fall freely from my eyes.

“Please, calm down. She’s not dead. Right now she’s on her way to the Med. From what we’ve been told, she’s in critical condition. She’s unconscious at the moment and the paramedics believe that her brain may be swelling. She took a nasty blow to the head, you see.” Paul says to me.

“But she’s going to be okay, right?” I ask.

“We don’t know yet.” Paul says solemnly. He looks to be fighting back tears himself.

“No. No, this isn’t right. Y’all are lying to me. She’s fine. I know she is. The joke is over.” I say matter-of-factly.

“Audrey! We aren’t bloody lying to you! Why would we do such a thing?” Liam yells at me.

My mouth drops. I never would have expected him to scream, but everything finally crashes in on me. My best friend is fighting for her life right now. No one but God himself knows if she’ll make it.

I sit back in my seat and pull my knees up. Burying my face in them, I begin to sob.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Everything in the Med is sterile white- the chairs, the walls, everything. The smell of cleaner and disinfectant is strong no matter where I go. The whole place just reminds me of death. I think it’s ironic though, since this place is supposed to save people’s lives but the only thing I can think of is dying.

I’ve been sitting in a white chair for the last twelve hours. All of the boys are here along with Paul. Liam and Zayn take turns pacing while Lou reads magazine after magazine. Niall’s been to the cafeteria about eight times already. He asks me every time if I want something, but I only shake my head. I haven’t said two words since we’ve arrived here.

Harry is the only one missing from our group. He’s been sitting in Jessica’s room in the ICU. Only one person is allowed at a time, and seeing as how I’m a hysterical mess, Harry was the chosen one. I was okay with that though. There’s no way in hell that I could have stood to see Jess in her current condition.

The doctors told us that there’s a good chance that she’ll make it. The swelling in her brain has gone down so they won’t have to operate. When I heard that, I let out a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, she has three cracked ribs and her arm is broken in four places. The doctors figured she tried to shield herself when the wreck happened which lead to her arm suffering a lot of blows. We were told that she’ll undergo surgery in the next twelve hours. They wanted to make sure her brain wasn’t swollen anymore before they operated.

I know that I should be relived but we’re still not sure if she’ll have her memory. That was the only thing the doctors couldn’t guarantee and it scared me. What if she didn’t remember me? Or Harry? Or the other boys? What if she forgot the whole reason we even moved to Nashville was so she could reach her dream of becoming a singer?

Stop. You’re just going to get yourself worked up again. Just be thankful she’s alive. I tell myself. I need to get out of here before I go insane. I look at the clock and see that it’s almost 2 a.m. Sighing, I stand up and walk to the metal double doors. The boys give me funny looks and Niall opens his mouth to speak but quickly shuts it. Ignoring them, I open the doors and walk out into the empty white hallway. Not thinking of where I’m going, I walk to the elevator and slam my hand against the down button. When it opens I walk in and start to press the first floor button but someone else steps in. I look up to see Harry standing in front of me. He presses the button and steps beside me.

I see his swollen eyes and red nose. I finally realize that he’s feeling just as bad as I do. Sure she’s my best friend, but she was also Harry’s girlfriend.

“I love her you know.” He tells me, breaking our silence. “I never told her that.”

“I know.” I simply reply.

“How?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at her. When the two of you are together, your eyes have this…spark in them. And your whole persona takes on this glow and you don’t stop smiling. The only time I can tell you're truly happy is when you're with Jess.” I say with a weak smile.

“I wish that she could have known that too.”

“I think she did, or does. Deep down, I think she knows.”

“I was going to tell her. Tonight to be exact. I’m aware that it’s only been about two months, but it’s just something that I know. I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.”

“Tell her. As soon as she wakes up, say it.”

“What if she doesn’t remember me? The doctors said she probably wouldn’t.” Harry tells me. Fresh tears flood to his eyes. I open my mouth to answer but the elevator doors open. I walk out and Harry follows me. I see a sign that points to an area with snack machines. With nowhere else to go, I follow it. When we reach the room, I sit at one of the small tables. Harry joins me, so I continue on with our conversation.

“I know you’re scared about that. I am too. The only thing we can do now is pray that she does.” I say.

“But what if she doesn’t? What can I do- make her have feelings for me again? What if she decides that she doesn’t like me anymore, that I’m no good for her? I couldn’t take that, Audrey. I just couldn’t.” Harry’ tears are now falling freely from his eyes. Seeing him in this state breaks my heart completely. “There’s no way I can live without her in my life. I refuse to let that happen.”

“She fell in love with you once Harry; she can do it again. Obviously there’s something about you that she can’t live without either.”

“I hope you’re right, Audrey. I hope you’re right.” Harry says while turning to face the window. I nod and turn to face out the window also. To myself, I hope that I’m right too.