The Crown's Game

Chapter 20

Addison

I was exhausted. I had spent the last few days stuck in my office without moving. I couldn't sleep. I didn't eat. But yet here I was, feeling as awake as ever in the bitter cold with Oliver. Knowing tomorrow that any hint of his flirtatious behaviour would dissipate and that I would be forever alone with his miserable excuse for a brother.

"I haven't seen you in days" he muttered.

"I've been busy"

"you look tired. Like you haven't slept in a week, you're shaking and it's not because of the cold" he didn't look at me still. That was all I wanted to look into those eyes "you're anxious and it's something you want no one to know because you think it makes you weak. You refuse to cry in public and you refuse to admit that marrying my brother is causing all of this"

"wow" I sighed "looks like you've been learning"

"like you said, it's not that hard"

"no, it is hard, it's just not hard to read a person who opens themselves up to you", he looked to his feet, he knew what I meant. That I only knew who he was because he allowed me too.

"is there anything I can do?" he finally looked at me.

"after the announcement" I swallowed. Was I about to tell him about this? Did he care? Would he just laugh? "well, it began before. I was nervous but worse than normal nerves. I felt sick and I couldn't breathe. I had a, well I don't know what it's called, but I couldn't breathe and I cried but after that I couldn't" I took another breath "I couldn't cry anymore, it was like I was empty" the gold flecks in his eyes were bright as he looked at me. "I don't know what happened to me, I couldn't move for a while" I felt my cheeks warm. I was mortified to admit that.

"you had a panic attack" he said quietly.

"oh, right" I muttered "of course,"

"it's nothing to embarrassed of" he nodded "I've had them before"

"how do I?"

"you can't stop them; you just breathe through them and eventually you'll be okay. I'm sorry, they aren't pleasant"

"you're telling me" I said. We went quiet for a while until I picked up a hand and traced a line between us in the fresh snow on the edge of the fountain.

"what is that?" he snorted.

"the line" I said.

"what line?"

"the line that needs to be made between you and me" I swallowed "we have duties to fulfil so there's the line and we can't cross it"

"does this line come with rules?" he asked sarcastically.

"of course" I matched his joking tone "no wistful glances"

"no, no, none of that" he made a serious stare.

"no flirting"

"never"

"and no light touches, or midnight visits or imposing on my personal space" I smiled slyly.

"like this?" he asked and suddenly he was right in front of me, barely a breath away.

"yes, just like that" my voice was barely there. He just stayed, staring down at me. I didn't look up. I couldn't. I wouldn't be responsible for the actions I were to take if I did look up at him. "I believe that means you are crossing that line".

"and I remain on my respective side of the line and you as well" he crooned "what does that make us?"

"I guess" I whispered "we'd be friends". Oliver leaned in until his lips were grazing the top of my ear. Every hair on my body was standing on its end.

"the issue is, your majesty" his voice, sultry and horse "I don't believe that you and I could ever just be friends" shivers went spiralling down my back it was nothing to do with the cold. With that he began to walk away, I suddenly felt cold. He was halfway back down the garden before I will still in possession of his property. I ran down the gravel path, cursing the heels I was wearing, wishing I had come casual to dinner.

"I believe this is yours" I said shedding his jacket as I caught up to him. Amusement shone through on his face watching me navigate the path.

"keep it" he murmured with a mischievous smile which he quickly changed to a mocking stare "I would say it looks better on you, but that would be flirting which is against rule number two" I laughed at that "so instead, I'll say that I don't want you to freeze to death". I wrapped the jacket further around me, the smell of him filling my nose and seeping into each and every pore.

"will you be there tomorrow? When I meet her?" his cheeks reddened.

"do you want me to be?" I looked at him with my head tilted to the side.

"well, yes, actually" he stuttered, falling over the words, a hint of embarrassment behind each syllable "if that's okay with you"

"of course, I'll be there. I would say only to stare wistfully across the room at you and that would be breaking rule number one so instead I'll say, I'll be there as moral support" he smiled, shaking his head at my humour.

"thank you"

"that's what friends are for" I had faltered on the word friend. But I'd get there.

"the next time" he said quickly "if you can't breathe, just give me the nod and I'll get you out. That's a promise"

"thank you" I looked at my feet, embarrassed that he thought I needed to be saved from something as simple as my worries.

"goodnight Addy" my heart skipped a beat, maybe two.

"goodnight Oli". To say I danced back inside was an understatement. I know I was the one who had drawn that line but the way he looked at me, the way him just being near me made skin feel like it was on fire, the way that smile made my heart beat at a million and one miles an hour.