The Crown's Game

Chapter 21

Addison

I was still in a daze when I returned to my room and found my mother in my armchair. "nice jacket"

"oh, em" I walked straight for my dressing room "thank you"

"Addison" she called, and I came crawling back out, taking a deep breath as I looked at her exhausted expression "nice to see you're still alive"

"I was unwell" I lied, but it wasn't really a lie.

"that needs to stop"

"well, there wasn't anything to stop in the first place" I sighed "but it has"

"I don't believe that"

"what Mother? You don't believe that I am responsible enough to know that I should put the country first or that I actually have?"

"don't be like that"

"mother, I had no choice here. I've done everything you asked of me, everything he wanted" I stated "and I am to spend the rest of my life tied to a misogynistic, narcissistic, idiotic man. I'm doing that for him. Not for me. Don't you dare question what I am willing to do for this country"

"you weren't willing to do it three years ago" really, we were going to have this argument now.

"no. I wasn't willing to marry a man I didn't know at the age of nineteen when it looked like I was going to have another twenty years of my own life before I had to do this job" I sat at the dressing table, I could feel the anxiety and frustration rising once more "I wasn't willing and then Dad got in that car and he got shot because the people around him couldn't do what they were damn well supposed to. But don't you think for one minute that I am not willing to sell my soul to the devil for this country if it were asked of me"

"stay away from Oliver" her voice unwavering.

"I'll do whatever I want" I began violently pulling pins from my hair and dropping them on the table.

"he wouldn't have wanted this for you" she muttered.

"then maybe when I was eleven years old and my brother renounced his name and title you and should've tried a little harder to get him back" I turned and looked at her. The last ten years flashed before my eyes. The life I was never supposed to have. "maybe you shouldn't have let him walk out the door. Maybe you should have searched a little harder instead of giving up and letting him go. But I'm here. I'm the one doing this job. I didn't leave"

"I'm aware"

"well, why don't you stop putting the mistakes of long ago on my shoulders when the person I am today is nothing like the person I was then" I couldn't look at her anymore. I couldn't bear to see her disappointed in me even if she was being unjust. "I'm sorry I'm not him Mum, I'm sorry I'm not Dad or Seb. I'm they're gone. But I'm not, I'm here". I don't remember when she left, I don't even remember hearing the door close. I just stared at myself in the mirror for a long time. I stared at the real me, the girl who was slowly losing her mind locked in a beautiful cage that was never meant to be hers. Panic was rising in my stomach again; I clenched my fists until I felt the skin of my palm break and a warmth fled across my hands. Red, dripped onto the dresser. I didn't sleep, I sat by the cool window all night and let silent tears fall down my face. No one, it seemed, had any faith in me at all.

Oliver

To say I felt like vomiting was a gross understatement. I was as a pale as the white shirt I had under my blue jacket. I had combed my hair and dressed like my brother. Cold, official. Not at like who I was really. All I could think about was standing with Addison in the gardens the night before. The smell of her vanilla perfume in the air and her feeble attempt at drawing a line between us. To be honest I hadn't really stopped think about her since the night I first played the piano, she was so different that night. She let me see who she was, she let me in. It felt good, whatever it was between us. Even she had drawn that line in the snow. Looks like that line and I were going to struggle to co-exist because she stood outside my suite, leaning against the far wall, was the Queen of Ildova in the form I far preferred to see her. A burgundy velvet jacket hit her mid thigh which were covered in black leather trousers. He hair pulled off her face by her glasses and he feet in a pair of heels. She picked at her nails until she realised, I was watching. "run out of sneakers?"

"eh, I just liked to change it up" she pushed off the wall "and it appears that I am not the only one". I looked down at the version of me I didn't recognise.

"eh, well" I stammered "thought it was better than the leather jacket and boots"

"I guess" she brushed lint off my shoulders and straightened the front of my jacket "it's different"

"I like this version of you better" I said.

"woah there, rule number two" she laughed.

"I'm not flirting, I'm flattering. There's a difference"

"of is there now?"

"go on, give us a spin"

"you're are such a pain" she said twirling around "I prefer the bed head to be honest". I saw her almost reach up to touch my face, but she stopped herself in time. Addison walked a few paces forward and stopped. "are you coming or what?". I skid up the hall to catch up with her. We talked and laughed as we walked towards the drawing room where I had met with Addison that first day. I stopped a few feet back from the door after it materialised almost out of nowhere. "I was the same" she said clenching her fists "before I met Ren"

"you didn't look it" I muttered.

"doesn't mean I didn't feel it" her tone serious.

"what did you do?

"I talked to my Dad" her voice now getting quieter "I didn't go with him, to the army base visit because we had fought over me getting married. I'm alive because I didn't want to get married". She crossed her clenched fists across her body. "I'm doing this for him. I owe him that much"

"I'm sorry"

"you didn't shoot him" she said it in such an odd way, her voice had so much knowledge in it for someone who was so young. "wood keeps saying I have a choice and I guess I do" I looked at her in a strange way, I was confused. "I marry Ren and give my freedom in return, or I'm selfish and I don't. I find someone I love and live my life out happily"

"I don't see what's so bad about that"

"I give up my freedom so that every other child in this country can have it" she stood tall "I give up my choice to chose for myself so that my people can"

"you were born to do this job" I stepped towards her slightly.

"no, I was born to be a replacement, I can only hope that I do the right thing when it comes to it"

"how did you get through it?" I asked looking to the door.

"if you remember a guard dropped to the floor in the middle of our conversation" she laughed, breaking the tension "so I was saved"

"right" she walked towards the door nodding politely to the butler standing outside "just give me the nod" she winked "I'll be on the floor in seconds"

"your morals are way off" I joined her at the door.

"I'm here as moral support, I never said I would be supporting you morally"

"brat" I laughed.

"prick she giggled. The butler's shoulders began to shake slightly before he entered the room to introduce us.

"here goes nothing".