Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 8

"There you go." Lucy says once she has pushed Ben's bed next to Joe's. She makes sure the wheels are locked and then walks towards the door. The girl is about to leave when she turns around. "So, I get that now your beds are this close to each other it's tempting to lie in the same bed. Which I totally get, things are hard enough already. But please make sure you're back in your own beds when the doctor comes in, because if he sees you two in the same bed I'll get fired." Lucy says to the two with stern undertone in her voice.
Both Ben and Joe nod obediently.
"Okay then. I'll leave you two alone." She smiles.
As soon as the door closes behind Lucy, Ben wants to get up and walk over to Joe's bed. But as soon as he's standing he sits down again.
Joe looks at him him with a frown. "Are you okay?" He asks worried when Ben closes his eyes.
"Yeah." Ben mumbles with a small nod. "Just a bit dizzy."
Joe gives him a guilt-filled look. "I'm so sorry. That's my fault." He says as he bites his lip.
The moment Ben hears that, his eyes flutter open. He shakes his head. "It's not your fault, don't say that."
Joe sighs softly. "There's a reason why we're not allowed to get out of bed, Ben. Because if we do, we get dizzy and faint. And you got up because of my panic attack. So it is my fault." He says, feeling really guilty.
Ben gets up again, smiling relieved when the dizzy feeling stays away this time. He sits down onto the edge of Joe's bed. "It's not your fault. Don't say that." He says with a small smile. "Are you okay with cuddling?" He asks.
Joe looks up in surprise at that question.
Ben notices the surprised look on the boy's face. "We- uhm- we don't have to?" He quickly says.
Joe shakes his head. "No no, I'm just surprised you asked." He admits.
Ben shrugs. "Well, not everyone likes physical contact." 
Joe just opens his arms. "Normally I don't like physical contact that much either, but I could use a hug right now." He smiles innocently at the blond boy.
Ben smiles and lies down next to Joe. He nuzzles his face into the boy's neck. He inhales deeply, loving Joe's scent.

A silence falls, in which the two just cuddle a little.
"Were you very shocked?" Joe suddenly mumbles.
Ben lets out a questioning noise, not understanding what the boy means.
Joe closes his eyes. "Uhm- by the s-scars on my chest, I mean. I hope you weren't too disgusted." He whispers.
Ben puts his head on Joe shoulder, enjoying the physical contact. "No, of course not. How can you even think that? Scars show that someone has been very strong." He says with a smile. "And it doesn't make you less beautiful Joey."
Joe can feel his cheeks heat up at that last sentence. 
"But you don't have to tell me how you got them if you don't want to." Ben says reassuring.
Joe sighs. "No no, I want to, but it's just... hard." He mumbles.
Ben takes a deep breath. "Well, how about I tell you my story first?" Ben whispers.
The ginger turns his head a little so he can look at Ben. "You're sure you want to? It's okay if you're not ready." He says with a bit of a concerned look.
Ben puts on a smile and nods. "Yes, I'm sure."

The blond boy takes a deep breath. "So uhm, I actually live in London. But I was on a holiday with my mum and dad here, hence I'm in New York right now. Every year we come here in the small bungalow my parents bought after I was born." Ben says, smiling a little when he thinks back to those happy times.
Joe smiles as well, and carefully puts his head on Ben's chest. He somehow feels like he can offer Ben more comfort this way. "That sounds nice." He whispers.
Ben nods slowly. "It used to be. But this year was like hell." He mumbles as he can feel a lump in his throat forming already. "We were just on our way to the airport to go home again. That was a bit over a week ago. But then suddenly a car came speeding towards us. We got hit, and our car ended up upside down. Later we heard the driver was drunk." He tries not to go too much into detail, not wanting to recall this traumatic event too much.
Joe gasps at that. "What?!" He puts his arms around Ben's chest and hugs him tightly.
Ben cracks a smile and runs his hand through Joe's hair. "Yeah. My parents both got the full hit, but weren't unconscious. I got totally spared except for a couple of bruises, but I was completely blacked out." He mumbles. "I woke up in the hospital, where they did a full body scan to see why I blacked out. So that's when they told me that...-" He stops talking, not wanting to complete his sentence.
Joe frowns. "That you didn't faint because of the car accident but because you have a heart disease." He says softly, finishing Ben's sentence.
The blond nods. "Yeah. And they also told me that, uhm, my dad didn't survive his injuries." He swallows thickly, blinking the tears in his eyes away.
Joe's eyes widen, and give Ben a look of sympathy. "Benny... I'm so sorry." He whispers.
Ben nuzzles his face into Joe's neck, not wanting Joe to see him cry. 
Joe can see how hard it is for the boy, and decides to give him some time. He knows that Ben will continue talking when he is ready.
Ben notices what the ginger is doing, and can't help but feel lucky to have someone like Joe as a hospital roommate. "My... my mum only had some minor wounds and a concussion, but she was so in shock after losing my father that she had to be admitted in a psychiatric hospital to deal with her grief. They couldn't treat her here, so she's already back in London again. Which means I'm on my own now." He mutters with a soft sniffle.
Joe shakes his head. "You're not. I'm here. And I'm afraid I'm not leaving anytime soon." He says with a gentle smile.
Ben looks at him with a small, grateful smile. "Lucky me." He whispers.
Joe blushes profusely, and briefly looks away in the hope Ben won't notice.

"I wish we could turn things around." Joe mumbles after a long silence. "My father dead and yours still here."
Ben looks up, his eyes slightly widening upon hearing that comment. "Why are you saying that?" He asks curiously when he sees the dark look in Joe's eyes.
The ginger takes a deep breath. "Those scars you saw on my chest?"
Ben nods.
"My father did that to me. And it's not just my chest. My entire body looks like this." Joe says before rolling up the sleeve of his hospital top, showing Ben his scars. 
Ben swallows when he sees the scars on the boy's arm. "W-what did he do to you?" His voice is nearly above a whisper.
Joe swallows. "Not just to me. It all started with my mom. When she met him he was actually really sweet. But later it appeared it was just an act." Joe explains with a sigh.
"Was that before or after she married him?" Ben carefully asks.
Joe stays silent for a moment. "Before." He says after a couple of seconds. "She met him when she was fifteen. He got her pregnant with me when she was sixteen. Once my mom was old enough to get married my father forced my mom into marriage. She was too scared to leave him, since he has always been rather... heavy handed." The boy starts to tremble slightly. He snuggles a little closer to Ben's chest, knowing it will give him a feeling of safety.
Ben immediately notices, and puts his arm around the ginger to pull him close.
"When my mom told him she was pregnant with me, he told her to get an abortion." Joe continues.
Ben's eyes widen slightly. "That's awful." He whispers.
Joe nods against Ben's chest, not sure how to continue his story.
"So... how come you're lying next to me then? Because you look pretty real to me." Ben says with a small smile as he gently pokes Joe in the side.
The latter lets out a few giggles. "S-stop, that t-tickles!" He squeals.
Ben just grins at that. "Just wanted to check if you're real and not just some hallucination because of the drugs." He chuckles.
Joe chuckles softly and starts tickling the blond boy back as some sort of revenge. "Does that feel real?" He asks with a smirk.
Ben nods, giggling uncontrollably. "Y-yes.. Joey- please s-stop!" He manages to say in between giggles.
Joe stops tickling the boy, and puts his head on Ben's chest again. 

A brief silence falls before Joe continues the story about his father. "My grandmother convinced my father to let my mom have me. So here I am. My grandma died a month before I was born, so I never got to meet her, unfortunately." He sighs.
Ben frowns at that.
"But as soon as I was born the abusing started. My father took all his anger out on me and my mom. When I was nine years old, child protection noticed how much I had been hospitalized that year. As soon as my dad left the house they staged some kind of intervention. My mom explained everything and we were brought somewhere safe. My mom divorced him, but my father is still contacting me. Hence I'm now having frequent panic attacks. My father texted me once again this afternoon, that's what caused my attack." Joe rambles. 
Ben is gently rubbing his hand over Joe's back, a frown on his face. "I'm glad you and your mum are safe now. And I'm sorry, no one should be treated like that by their family." He whispers.
The only answer Joe gives him to that is a yawn.
Ben smiles and runs his hand through the boy's hair. "Get some sleep Joey." He whispers.
"Thank you for listening to me." Joe mumbles.
Ben hugs the ginger a little tighter. "Of course, always. Goodnight." He says before closing his eyes himself. 

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And the stories are out...

I'm trying not to keep you all waiting too long for the next chapter, I think I'm doing pretty well for now🙃

Hope you enjoyed this chapter

Xxx from me♡