Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 18

"Is... is it true?" Ben asks, breaking the silence.
Joe looks away, staring outside the window. "I- I don't know." He whispers, not even sure if Ben is able to hear him.
"H-how do you feel when you're around me?" Ben asks softly. He bites his lip. What if it isn't true?
Joe buries his face into his hands. Without realising it, a warm feeling spreads through his body when he thinks about Ben. "I- I feel like I've never felt around anyone before." He admits. He opens his eyes, and sits up straight. "I do like you. More than I should." He whispers, staring straight ahead as he now starts to realise it.
Ben is about to say something when he notices the panicking look in Joe's eyes. "But Joe, I-"
But Joe doesn't let him finish that sentence. "No, no. I know this can't. We- we... you don't like me, you're straight, and I...-" He rattles, sinking further and further away into a beginning panic attack. He gets up out of bed, and starts pacing around the room as far as his IV lets him.
Ben is only a fragment of a second too late to grab Joe's hand to pull him back onto the bed, knowing that they're not supposed to stand up. "Joe, you didn't even let me finish. Now please sit down, you're going to faint if you keep this up." The blond says stressed.
Joe shakes his head. "No no, I ruined everything and- and...-" He rattles.
"Joe, sit down." Ben says as he presses the button to call Lucy. He can see that Joe isn't far from losing conscience, and someone needs to either lead him back to his bed or catch him when he faints.
The first tear makes its way down Joe's cheek. "I- I can't lose you, I- I need you." He continues rambling.

Then a knock on the door is heard before it opens. "Hi boys. Everything okay?" Lucy asks. But as soon as she sees Joe pacing around she knows things are not okay.
"Lucy, help him please." Ben looks at Joe's heart monitor, seeing that the boy's heart rate is dropping more and more. "Joe, you need to sit down." He says.
Lucy nods in agreement before walking over to Joe. "He's right Joe. Come sit with me, okay?" She takes his hand and leads him to his bed.
The two arrive just in time, because less than a second after he sits down Joe can feel himself slowly slip out of consciousness more and more. "I... I f-feel..." The boy mutters, not able to finish his sentence properly.
"Dizzy, I know. Just keep lying down, okay?" Lucy says reassuringly. "Close your eyes, and take deep breaths."
Joe nods, and tries to follow her instructions to keep himself from passing out.
Lucy notices how the boy moves away from her a little, and decides he could use some space. "I'll get you some water, okay?" Lucy says before getting up. When she doesn't get a response from Joe she leaves the room.
"B-Ben, I don't think it's working." Joe whispers. With his eyes still closed, he searches for Ben's hand to take.
Ben immediately intertwines their fingers. "Then just give in to it. Nothing can happen. You're safe in bed. I'll be right by your side the whole time." He says reassuringly.
"Okay." Joe whispers before swallowing.
Ben bites his lip when he can feel Joe's grip on his hand loosen after a few seconds of silence. "You big dork. If you'd let me finish talking, you'd know I feel the same about you." He says softly to the passed out boy, knowing he won't hear it.

Then Lucy enters the room again.
"Lucy? Will he be okay?" Ben asks worried.
She nods with a reassuring smile. "Yes, don't worry. Passing out can't do any damage. Just give him some time, okay? It might take a couple of minutes before his blood pressure and heart rate have recovered."
Ben sighs. "Alright." He says relieved.
"Anyways, let's focus on you for a moment. How are you feeling? The pain should be getting less by now." Lucy asks, checking the data on his heart monitor.
Ben frowns. "It still hurts pretty bad, to be honest. But I guess it's getting better." He mumbles, still looking at Joe.
Lucy nods. "Okay, that's good. In one or two days you should be able to move around a bit. The wound will still hurt but things like sitting up will be easier. That's without pain relief, of course." She explains.
"I look forward to that." Ben mumbles.
Lucy lets out a soft giggle. "I get that. If it still hurts too much by then, we're going to do some tests with you. Because that would mean you're recovering too slow." She says, careful not to scare the boy.
Ben nods as a sign he understands. "While we're on the subject of pain, could I get some pain relief?" He asks with a forced smile.
Lucy smiles and nods. "Of course sweetie. But because of the previous amount you got, you can't be attached to another IV. I can, however, bring you some strong pills to take away the pain. Should I bring you those?" She asks.
Ben nods. "Yes, please."
Lucy smiles at the boy. "I'll be right back with the painkillers then." She says before leaving the room.
Luckily for Ben, it doesn't take her long to return with the pills and a cup of water. "Here you go." She says. "You can choose, I can give you two pills now, or one now and one during the night."
Ben sighs. "I'd like to have two pills now, please."
Lucy nods, and hands him the water and the pills.
Then suddenly a soft groan is heard from Joe.
Ben quickly flushes down the pills, and takes Joe's hand in his own again.
Lucy smiles at the two. "I'll leave you two alone." She says with a wink before closing the door behind her.

Ben smiles when Joe intertwines their fingers without even opening his eyes yet.
"God my head is pounding." The ginger groans. He opens his eyes, and looks at Ben in confusion. "H-how long have I been passed out for?" Joe asks.
Ben gives him a reassuring smile. "Not that long. About three minutes or so." He says. He opens his arms for the boy, asking for a hug. "A hug can do miracles." He whispers with a smile.
That causes Joe to finally smile a little. He crawls out of bed, and lies down next to Ben. He snuggles closer to the blond before closing his eyes. "I'm sorry I made things weird." He mumbles.
Ben smiles. "You didn't make things weird. If you had just let me finish talking, you'd know that you panicked for nothing." He says softly.
Joe looks up in surprise. "W-what do you mean?" He asks confused.
Ben grins a little. "Do you remember what you said when you were pacing the room in panic?" He asks. The grin on his face only grows when he can see Joe blush a little.
The ginger nods. "yeah, I uh, I do." He stammers. "I said you don't like me because you are straight, and that I ruined everything." He closes his eyes in embarrassment.
Ben pulls the boy a little closer. "Well, first of all, you didn't ruin everything." He says softly.
Joe opens his eyes. "I didn't?" A hopeful look can be seen behind the hazel of his eyes.
Ben shakes his head. "No, you didn't. You could never ruin anything." He whispers with a fond smile on his face. "And second of all, I am straight like those curly fries we got for dinner last night." He says with a grin.
Joe's eyes widen. "Y-you mean...-" He stutters.
Ben nods. "I'm not straight. Far from it, actually. I'm gay, I'm just closeted. Only my parents know I'm into boys." He admits.
Joe opens his mouth to speak, but Ben stops him by covering the boy's mouth with his hand. "Shush, I'm not done talking yet." The blond says to Joe with a smirk.
The latter giggles at that before obediently shutting his mouth.
"Third of all, I do like you. More than just my hospital buddy. More than just a friend." Ben says softly as he takes Joe's hand.
Joe's jaw drops. "You- you do? You really do?" He asks in disbelief.

Ben nods before gently cupping the ginger's cheek. "I really do Joey." He whispers with a big smile.
Joe bites his lip, staring deep into Ben's eyes. "If I'm hallucinating this because of the drugs I'm gonna scream." He whispers.
Ben smirks at that. "You're not, I promise." He whispers, staring at Joe's lips. "I'll prove it to you." He adds before leaning in. But just before his lips touch Joe's, he stops. Somehow he's scared he misread the whole situation. "C-can I...?"
When Joe notices this, he can feel himself melt. The fact that Ben is asking for his consent to kiss him, is proof to Joe that the blond isn't just using him or pranking him. "Yeah, you can." He smashes his lips against Ben's, starting a passionate kiss. He can feel the blond relax, now enjoying the kiss.
With a sudden boost of confidence, Ben slips his tongue into Joe's mouth, letting their tongues dance.
"Wow...-" Joe mumbles when they pull apart to breathe. He gently touches his lips with his thumb when he can feel them tingle. "That was my first kiss."
Ben chuckles softly. "No it wasn't."
Joe gives him a questioning look.
"We uhm- we kissed before. This morning, when you were high from the medication." Ben says with a blush on his cheeks.
Joe's eyes widen a little. "Really? I kissed you?" He asks embarrassed.
Ben shakes his head. "N-no, I er- I kissed you. You admitted you like me, and I gave you a kiss on the cheek. But then you wanted another kiss, and I kinda kissed you on the lips." He confesses, hoping Joe won't be too mad.
Joe smiles widely before sleepily placing a kiss on Ben's cheek. "I guess I've had two first kisses then." He says with a content sigh. He yawns and closes his eyes, gently letting his head rest on Ben's shoulder. "What time is it?" He mumbles.
Ben looks at the clock on the wall. "Almost eleven Pm." He says. He smiles when Joe intertwines their fingers.
"I'm tired." The boy mumbles.
Ben's smile grows even more. "Then go to sleep." He whispers. "Sweet dreams Joey." He gives the ginger a kiss on the head.
"G'night teddy bear." Joe mumbles before slowly drifting asleep.

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