Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 33

The next morning Ben is awakened by John again. But unfortunately, his sleep wasn't as nice and peaceful as his nap from yesterday. After tossing and turning for more than four hours, he finally managed to fall asleep. Each time he woke up thanks to a horrid nightmare, he dozed off again only to be tortured by yet another nightmare.
"Hi Ben!" John babbles cheerfully.
To which Ben only grunts. He rubs his eyes after slowly sitting up.
"You okay?" John asks the blond, confused by his downcast mood.
Ben quickly nods, not wanting to worry the young boy. "Uhm, yeah, don't worry John." He says. "I just miss Joe." He mumbles afterwards.
John hugs him. "Me too." He says with a pout. "Let's have breakfast!" He says before taking Ben's hand and pulling him out of bed.
Ben groans, really not wanting to get out of bed.
But John ignores his reluctance, and pulls him along downstairs.

Downstairs, Ginnie and Will are busy in the kitchen preparing breakfast. "Morning darling." Ginnie says with a smile. "Breakfast is almost ready now."
Ben mumbles a 'morning' back before walking to the living room. He sits down on the couch, burying his face into his hands. He rubs his eyes, trying not to think about his nightmares from last night.
Will and Ginnie share a brief look, both obviously noticing that something is bothering the boy.
Ginnie follows him into the living room. "You alright Ben?" She asks him when she notices the bags under Ben's eyes.
The boy nods. "Yeah." He says, trying to force a smile. "Just... had a rough night." He adds when he can see Ginnie doesn't quite believe his smile.
Ginnie gives him a sympathetic smile before sitting down next to him. That's all she needs to hear to know Ben has been having nightmares all night. "Sorry about that. Do you want to talk about it? What were they about?" She asks gently.
Bits of last night's dreams flash before Ben's eyes. He shrugs. "All of it. The carcrash. My parents. Joe in the hospital." He sighs.
Ginnie frowns. "I'm so sorry. You deserve a proper rest, without any nightmares. I know how much nightmares suck." She says, briefly looking away.
Ben looks at her, seeing some kind of sadness reflecting in her eyes. He immediately feels bad for her. Because of all Joe's anxiety attacks he almost forgot Joe isn't the only one who was abused. "How do you deal with them?" He asks her in a soft voice.
Ginnie shrugs. "Since the last few years, I kind of got used to hiding everything. Every nightmare, every panic attack. So I don't think I should be the one giving advice here." She admits.
Ben can't help but be a bit confused. "Why did you start hiding it?" He asks carefully.
Ginnie looks aside at John, who is playing with his Hot Wheels cars on the floor. "Priorities, I guess." She says with a small smile.
Ben smiles at that.
Ginnie moves her gaze down to her hands. "Joe really needed me once we finally got out of that hell. He was terrified of the world. He avoided all men, he barely even left his bedroom unless he really needed to. He needed me to stay strong. Or he would only get more isolated from the world." She explains.
Ben slowly starts nodding. "I guess it makes sense he needed to regain trust in people again after everything that happened." He says.
Ginnie bites her lip. "Yeah...-" She mutters. "There were things in that house that he never even told me about."
The two briefly just sit there in silence. Ben isn't sure what to say to that.

"When Will and I are alone I don't have to hide any of it though." Ginnie suddenly says. "I can just let it all out without bothering my boys." She looks at John, the latter seems really caught up in a race between his two best Hot Wheels cars.
Ben looks at her, admiring what great mother she is.
"Oh and now I'm bothering you with all this, I'm so sorry Ben." Ginnie says with an apologetic look before hugging Ben once again.
Ben shakes his head. "You're not bothering me. I'm glad you and Joe got away from him. And that you can be yourself when you're with Will. You two deserve the best life possible." He whispers, taking her hand.
"You know, Joe found in you what I found in Will." Ginnie says. "I've never seen him this comfortable around anyone when it comes to talking about his past. He doesn't hide his anxiety attacks when he's with you, and he doesn't flinch when you hug him. He really loves you." She grins when she sees her words make Ben blush.
"I er... I-I'm glad he feels that way around me." Ben stammers with a smile. "I really love him as well." He whispers afterwards, not sure if Ginnie heard it.

The two get interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Ginnie gets up. "I'll get it." She says with a wink before walking to the front door.
Ben looks up in surprise when Ginnie enters the room again, followed by Gwil and Rami. "Hey guys." He says to the two. "What are you doing here?"
Rami smiles. "What do you mean what are we doing here? You just got discharged! We wanted to see how you are doing."
Gwil nods in agreement. "We wanted to come by yesterday but we figured you'd be tired." He explains.
Ben nods. "I was."
Rami twirls his car keys around his finger. "Wanna get breakfast somewhere?" He suggests.
Ben gets up and nods. "Yeah sure." He says before letting out a yawn, trying to ignore the worried look Gwil is giving him. "Can we walk instead of taking your car?" He asks, his eyes fixated on Rami's car keys.
His two friends immediately nod. "Yes of course. I can imagine you could use some fresh air." Gwil smiles, even though he knows that's not the reason behind it.
"Let's go then." Rami says, taking Ben's hand to pull him along towards the front door.
"Uhm, bye Ginnie!" Ben says before he can get pulled out of the house.
Ginnie lets out a soft giggle. "Bye darling!"

^^^

"This place has the best bagels in New York, you have to try them." Rami says to Ben as the three of them enter a small but cute cafe.
Ben shrugs. "If you say so." He says with a small smile.
"I'll go order for us, you guys seek a table." Rami says before disappearing.
Ben and Gwil walk towards the corner of the cafe, sitting down at a table.
"So, you still think you should be in Joe's position?" Gwil asks.
Ben lets out a sigh. "Couldn't let me have five minutes of rest, could you?" He grumbles, rubbing his face.
Gwil crosses his arms. "Sorry. But you can't just ring me in the middle of the night saying stuff like that. And then not answer my texts and calls. I was worried." He says with a frown.
"About what?" Ben asks, fiddling with his hands.
Gwil shrugs. "I don't know but people in love do weird things." He says. "You look tired." He says with a frown when he sees Ben yawn.
"Of course I'm tired Gwil, I've slept like shit!" Ben snarls before burying his face into his hands.
A brief silence falls. Gwil just looks at his friends, not sure what to say right now.
Ben looks up. "S-sorry. Don't mind me, okay?" He says with a soft sigh. "I'm just in a bad mood."
Gwil gives him a small smile. "We can give you a lift to the hospital so you can go see Joe?" He offers, knowing Ben just misses his boyfriend.
The blond looks up with a grateful smile. "Thanks. But I'd rather walk." He says.
Gwil gives him a knowing look. "You don't want to get in a car, do you?"
Ben avoids his gaze. "I don't know what you mean."
The two get interrupted by Rami. "Breakfast is here." The black-haired boy says with a smile.

"So, how are you gonna make a move on Lucy now you won't be able to see her?" Gwil asks Rami with a slight smirk.
Rami looks down at his bagel. "I decided to just let it go." He mumbles.
Ben raises his eyebrow. "Why? I thought you liked her." He asks surprised.
Rami nods. "I do. But it feels wrong to make a move on her. Now Joe's on the intensive care, you know?" He mumbles. "Joe's health is way more important than me asking Lucy out."
Ben smiles a little at how thoughtful his friend is being. "That's nice of you. But don't you think Joe would want you to go for it?" He says, trying to hide his smirk.
Rami shrugs. "I guess." He mumbles as his cheeks start to redden a little.
"Listen mate, if you're not making a move, Ben and I will do it for you. Your choice." Gwil says with a serious face.
Rami immediately shakes his head. "Please don't." He says before grabbing a small piece of paper from his pocket. "Any of you have a pen?" He asks.
Ben shakes his head, but Gwil immediately pulls out a pen and hands it to Rami.
"Thanks." Rami says before he starts scribbling something down on the piece of paper. Once he's done he folds it and hands it to Ben. "Can you pass this to her then?"
Ben takes the note with a grin. "Of course I can." He says before shoving the note into his pocket. "M-maybe I should just go to the hospital right away? The sooner Lucy gets your note the better." The blond says. Although it's very obvious that's not the reason why he wants to go to the hospital so badly.
Both Gwil and Rami smile. "Yes, let's go. I could use another walk" Gwil says.

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