Let me live | Hardzello♡

Chapter 10

"Joe? Can I ask you something?" Ben asks after pausing the movie the two of them are watching.
Joe nods, but doesn't look his roommate in the eye.
Ben takes a deep breath. "What's going on with you lately? You're acting very nervous, and you hardly talk to me anymore. Is it the meds?" Ben asks softly, trying not to sound too hurt.
Joe sighs softly. "Well, yeah it's also the meds." He mumbles. "But...-"
Ben slowly intertwines their fingers together. "But what? What else is bothering you?" Ben shoots the ginger a worried look.
Joe swallows. "It's just that...-" He takes a deep breath. If he doesn't tell Ben now, he probably never will. And it's not like Ben is able to walk away, so that gives Joe time to have his say.
Ben raises his eyebrow. "Yes?"
Joe bites his lip. "I've been acting so nervous because... It's just that, every time I look at you I can feel my heart glowing, and I don't want to fall even more in love with you Ben, because I know you're not into boys so that's why I have to avoid you. But since we're sharing a room this is my only option and I-" Joe's rambling gets stopped by a pair of lips on his.
For a moment, Ben's heart drops in his chest when he notices that Joe isn't kissing back. 
But after processing for a few seconds, Joe eagerly kisses back.
Ben brings up his hand to cup Joe's cheek as their lips move together.
Joe moans into the kiss, and immediately pulls away in embarrassment. "I- uhm... I'm so sorry." He stammers with red cheeks. 
Ben grins. "Don't be. Make as many sounds as you want." He whispers seductively before starting another kiss.
Then Joe parts his lips slightly, to let out another moan.
Ben quickly uses that opportunity to slip his tongue into the boy's mouth.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to kiss you." Ben whispers slightly out of breath when the two break the kiss. He rolls over, so he's now hovering above Joe. He starts placing kisses on the skin in the boy's neck, earning some weak moans.
"B-Ben... we're in the hospital." Joe whispers.
A big grin appears on the blond's face. "I don't care." Ben says in a low voice.
"Hmm Ben...-" Joe whines, not very sure why. He puts his hand over his mouth, trying to muffle away his moaning. He can't believe it. Is this actually about to happen?
Ben smiles. "Joe, can I....?" He asks, gently placing his hands on Joe's hips.
Joe nods. "Please do." He breathes.
"I love you Joe. I have since the moment I was rolled into your room." Ben says before slowly taking off Joe's pants.

With a loud gasp, Joe shoots up straight in bed. Panting lightly, he stares straight ahead with a slightly blurred vision.
It was a dream.
It was just a dream.
But it felt so real, so intense. He just had a sex dream about his hospital roommate. Does it mean he has feelings for Ben? Or maybe his mind just went this way because of the lack of physical contact ever since he's been in the hospital.
It isn't until Joe has regained his breath a bit, that he hears someone calling out his name faintly. The ginger blinks a few times, making his blurry vision go away.
"Joe? Jeez, you're hard to reach." Rami says with a worried look on his face. "Did you have a nightmare? A panic attack?"
Still a bit overwhelmed by the realistic dream, Joe looks at Rami. "Hmm?" He asks, a bit confused.
"Did you have a nightmare? You look pale like a ghost." Rami says as he sits down in a chair next to the bed.
Joe looks to his side, to see Ben peacefully asleep in his own bed. "Uh, no. It wasn't a nightmare, nor a panic attack. Don't worry." Joe mumbles, not taking his eyes off Ben.
"Then what was it?" Rami asks curiously.
Still confused, Joe moves his gaze towards his lap. "I'm not sure." He says with a sigh. "Anyways. How long has visitors hour already started?" He asks his friend in the hope to change the subject.
Rami smiles. "Oh don't worry, I literally arrived two minutes ago. I came right after school ended." He explains after checking the time.
Joe smiles a little. "Good. So... what was Gwil's excuse so he didn't have to come visit me this time?" He asks.

"Why would your friend make up an excuse for that?" Ben suddenly mumbles.
Joe looks at the boy a little bit startled, since he hadn't noticed yet that Ben is awake. "Why do you always have to do that?" Joe asks, rolling his eyes when Ben shows him a sleepy smile. Ben always speaks up without letting the others know he's awake. That's why Joe can't tell anyone about the sex dream. The risks that Ben would hear are too high.
Ben yawns. "Sorry." He says with an innocent smile. "But why won't your friend visit you?" He can't help but feel curious now.
Rami frowns. "Gwil is a bit traumatised when it comes to the ward for heart patients." He explains.
Joe nods. "At the beginning of this year his father had a heart attack in front of him. He survived, but wasn't in a great state. He was brought to the hospital." He adds.
Ben's eyes widen. "Ohw jeez." He says with a shocked face.
Joe swallows. "Yeah. But in the hospital his father had a second heart attack, and again Gwil was the only one there. He went to get the doctor as fast as he could, but when they came back into the room Gwil's father had already passed." He says as he looks down sadly.
"Later Gwil was told that if had just started with CPR, his father could've lived. Gwil still hasn't forgiven himself for that, even though it wasn't his fault." Rami says softly. He still remembers the funeral. Gwil tried to stay strong in front of all his family. But once it was just him, Joe and Rami, tears started to flow.
Ben briefly looks away, blinking away a tear. "That's terrible." He mumbles, trying to ignore the worried look Joe is giving him.

"But anyways, Gwil actually wanted to come along with me today. But when I was about to start my car he went into a panic attack. I told him you wouldn't want him to force it, so I dropped him off at home on my way here." Rami says.
Joe nods. "Yeah you're right. He shouldn't force it just because I happen to be in the hospital."
Then a knock on the door is heard before it opens. "Hi boys. How are the heart rates today?" Lucy asks with a smile. It's her job to write down the number of heartbeats per minute of both Ben and Joe once a day.
Both boys look at the heart monitor next to their beds.
"Mine's 40." Ben says.
"Mine is 43." Joe says, slightly surprised to see how it has gone up after it stayed the same for more than a week.
Lucy looks up, surprised as well. "Looks like you're making progress." She says to Joe.
The ginger frowns. "I doubt it." He mutters under his breath.
"Why not?" Lucy asks.
'Because I just had a sex dream about my roommate, of course my heart rate has gone up.' Joe thinks to himself. But he isn't going to say that. "I don't know. Just don't wanna get my hopes up." He simply says.
Lucy scribbles down the numbers on a piece of paper before leaving again.
"Whoa, that's your nurse?" Rami says, nearly drooling.
Joe buries his face into his hand. "Oh god no." He says as he rolls his eyes. "You're seriously crushing on our nurse?"
Rami blinks a few times and shakes his head blushing. "N-no of course not." He says softly. "She's just really cute." He adds, his voice nearly above a whisper.
Ben giggles softly, earning an indignant look from Rami.

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I don't have much to say today guys🙃

I just hope you're all still enjoying the story?

Kisses from me aka queenborhap_gifs xxx