Beta

Chapter 20

Within the span of two months, Keith's life has been turned upside down. He always had hope that he would find Shiro again, but after finding him he really didn't have many life goals past that. His goals in life before finding Shiro were as followed:

1. Survive out in the middle of the desert.

2. Find Shiro.

3. Do whatever it took to bring Shiro home.

4. Punch Iverson in the face.

Now that going home wasn't an option, goals three and four would be put on hold until after the war they somehow got dragged into ends. Shiro, also, had found said list of life goals and said that he shouldn't assault an officer of the law and was then forced to cross that one off as an incomplete. 

Now with a new mate in the picture, Shiro refusing to talk to him, and the rest of the residence of the castle still on edge. His list of life goals has suddenly changed.

Keith does not like change.

When Keith bottomed for the first time, he threw a left hook at Shiro purely due to the fact that he was dealing with a change in their dynamic. Even if that dynamic ended up feeling really really good, as it gave him a moment for his brain to turn off, it was still quite new.

Add a new partner to the dynamic and Keith didn't know how to act. He liked bottoming. He liked being submissive for Shiro and he's found he loves being taken care of even if it is only for a little bit. But Keith had no idea how adding Lance to their relationship would change the relationship he has with Shiro. 

Laying on the couch, staring at the high ceilings that seemed to disappear into the darkness, Keith thought of all the things that would change and questioned if he would be okay. He knew realistically that Lance was meant for them. He knew that he would love Lance with every fiber of his being just like he did Shiro. However, this does not mean there won't be a change in his and Shiro's relationship because of this.

A pit began to fill his stomach. 

He knew that Shiro would still love him. Of course he did. But does that mean Shiro would still want to have sex with him like they used to? Would he still want to make love and take care of him in the way that Keith loves? Would Lance become the only way Shiro would want to have sex with him? 

Keith swallowed. He felt like an idiot for immediately thinking about how this would affect their sex life, rather than the actual romantic part of it. It was selfish of him.

Keith never really saw romantic relationships growing up. without his mother around after he was born, there wasn't a chance for him to watch a healthy relationship to the extent that others had. he knew of the classic alpha on omega and that making babies was a huge part of the dynamic. he also knew that beta on beta relationships had the urge to have children but also knew how to wine and dine someone as well.

Keith didn't know where an alpha on alpha relationship fell into the world of romance. All he knows is that Shiro and himself are sexually attracted to each other and that He would do anything in the world that Shiro asked of him.

If Shiro wanted to focus on Lance, Keith would understand. Keith would help take care of Lance and coddle him like a good alpha and stop pretending that him having such submissive urges was okay. What would his Pa say if he was still around? His father would have killed him dead if he knew he wasn't as strong a man as he had taught him to be.

Keith's dad was angry a lot. As an alpha, he, also, was not very good with change and with having the additional change and challenge of not having Keith's mother around, everything fell to the older Kogane. He was a traditional man, by no fault other than being raised in the middle of Texas. He wouldn't have understood alpha-on-alpha relationships because it wasn't a part of his values and no one could try changing his values unless you wanted a full-grown alpha throwing a tantrum akin to an angry teenager. At least Keith could claim he was a teenager for his own outbursts.

His Pa always said that giving up one's dominance to please another should be done  with as much resistance as one could muster. 

"No alpha should ever want to be small, that's a sure way to getting walked all over."

Remembering his Pa's words, Keith felt dirty. What if he liked being walked over? Was is so horrible to want to please the love of your life?

But it wasn't that Keith just wanted to please Shiro... that was a given for anyone when it comes to their partner and especially for the head alpha of a pack.

No, Keith liked being small. He liked being submissive and he liked Shiro being in control. He felt calm for the first time in years when he finally gave into Shiro and let him fuck him. He loved being wiped down after, still in a haze and praised for being good and feeling it for the whole day after and remembering that he belonged to Shiro. 

He was a dirty knot-loving fag*. That's what he was. He felt sick just saying it in his head.

His stomach lurched. 

Keith curled in on himself, facing the back of the couch. Tears began to leak from his eyes. His thoughts were always so loud when he was away from Shiro. After two months of radio silents when it came to his self deprecating inner monologue, his thoughts practically screamed at him. 

He covered his ears to try and stop the the noise. He was going to have a panic attack at this rate. 

Keith had to go find Shiro.

Getting to their shared quarters was a blur. Keith knocked frantically desperate for Shiro to open the door. When the door finally opened, Keith practically ran through latching onto Shiro like a koala and sobbing like the child he felt like.

Shiro wrapped his arms around the shaking boy on instinct. He walked to the bed, sitting down and tried to sooth the crying mate in his arms.

"Keith," Shiro began, "Whats wrong baby?"

Keith only replied by shaking his head, a small cry slipping from his throat.

Shiro began to rub his back, massaging the back of his neck to sooth Keith with their bond. He began to rumble and croon, desperate to make his mate as comfortable as possible. Though Shiro was still mad at the man in his lap, he would never deny his mate the comfort he needed. 

Maybe yelling at the younger and then locking himself in their room wasn't his brightest idea.

After the younger alpha had calmed down to quiet sniffles and the occasional hiccup, did Shiro try again.

"Honey, talk to me. Please?" Shiro finished the statement by releasing another deep sound from his chest, trying to keep the room filled with calm static.

Keith buried himself deeper into Shiro's shoulder.

"I just really don't like change."

........

oops...

*I know this word can be hurtful to some and I hope that if you do have an issue if the use of that word that we can discuss it. I only use this to emphasize the writing and Keiths inner dialogue.